(Closed) FI's interactions with ex-gf, should I be concerned?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
6212 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - The Liberty House

Some people just say that as a term of affection, but not like actual love. I have a few friends who call everyone love, they picked it up from their mothers. Don’t worry about it

Post # 4
Member
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I wouldn’t worry about it, it sounds pretty innocent to me. My thoughts on it were the same as@MeiFrancis:  

Post # 5
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That really sounds perfectly innocent. I would not worry about that at all.

Post # 7
Member
6124 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I do not have any ex’s that I would use the pet name “love” for, nor would I call any of them the best – so yeah I’d side eye that.  They are all ex’s for a reason!

 

I guess you could start a convo asking what he thinks if you were to call past ex’s of course pet names.  Then go from there?  Or just not say anything?

 

Post # 9
Member
1798 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You’re overthinking things. Jealousy doesn’t look good on anyone. Also, I wouldn’t blame him for deleting the messages. Due to your previous problems with snooping and jealousy, he probably thought you’d freak even though he didn’t do anything wrong.

Post # 10
Member
5962 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Stop it, really.  This snooping is so unbecoming a lady, you either trust him or you don’t.  And honestly, if that text is the worst thing you’ve found, there’s nothing to worry over.

You can’t expect him to completely avoid the past loves in his life, after the dust settles from a break up, the left overs are good friends.  One of my best friends is an ex fiancé from my college years.  We have a ball together, and it’s completely innocent….

Post # 12
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It sounds perfectly innocent to me. However, it also sounds like he may not be doing the best job at making you feel loved, given your reaction to his comments. I would use this to start a non-accusatory conversation with him sharing your insecurities around his past relationship. Try using “when you _____, it makes me feel like _____.” That way, he will have a clear idea of how his behavior makes you feel and can reassure you that you’re the one for him!

Good luck!

Post # 13
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

in this context, “love” is equivalent to “hon”, which I’ve been called numerous times by people behind counters in malls *eyeroll*

Leave it alone. Quit snooping.

Post # 14
Member
291 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

For the record, I say “you’re the best!” all the time to people who I don’t *actually* think are the best. It’s just a turn of phrase, an emphatic way of saying, “thanks, that’s sweet!” I don’t put any thought into it and would find it odd if someone else were actually sincerely telling me that I’m the best when they said that. I don’t think anyone uses that phrase sincerely, to be honest. Especially not in a text.

That said, intuition can tell us a lot. Have you been cheated on before? You mentioned that you’ve snooped before. Was that with this man? Have you been exposed to a lot of people who cheat?

Post # 15
Member
2163 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I may have the unpopular opinion here…but I don’t think he should be talking at all to an ex. Ever. It sounds like their relationship was serious, and if he thought he was marrying her, how recently did they break up? I don’t condone snooping, but I would say you two need to have a chat about this. I don’t even think they should be facebook friends..an ex is an ex, if he’s moving into the future with you, they need to disconnect. Also, why is he deleting it if it’s something that is totally innocent? I would imagine I’d only delete something that makes me feel guilty…One of my favorite quotes I’ve read recently says something like affairs don’t start in a bedroom, they start with phone conversations, e-mails, texts, and sharing stories with someone besides your spouse. To protect your relationship, I’d say to have him lose her.

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