- 5 years ago
Regular bee going anon for this one!
Fiance and I have been together for almost 6 years. We started dating when we were young – 18 and in our freshman year of college. When we started dating, he was a virgin; I wasn’t. Of course, being an 18 year old boy and a virgin, he had a really high sex drive for the first couple years of our relationship. We had sex 3-4 times a week, on average. Often times, much more than that.
In the last couple of years (really the last year), our sex life has really, really dwindled. We now have sex probably every 2 weeks or so. Sometimes less frequently than that. I have always had a relatively low sex drive, so at first, it didn’t bother me. I didn’t even really notice. In the last 6 months or so, though, it has really started to bother me. He NEVER initiates sex anymore. I literally can’t remember the last time he started things; I am always the one to initiate things, and because I don’t have a super high sex drive, we just don’t have sex very often at all. Sometimes, when I do initiate things, we still don’t end up having sex.
We’ve talked about it and he says that when he’s stressed, he loses his sex drive, which I totally understand. And the last year has been stressful for him. But, recently, most of the stress (work-related) has dissipated, and still, nothing has improved.
We aren’t even married yet and I’m just worried that this is the way our life is going to be forever. Outside of sex, we have an amazing relationship. We are best friends; we love each other and treat each other very well. I just don’t understand what has changed or why he doesn’t seem very interested in sex anymore. When we do have sex, he really enjoys it and is very much “into it.” Sometimes, we have sex a few days in a row and I start to think that we’re getting back on track, but then weeks will go by with nothing.
I understand that all guys are different and that not all guys have the crazy sex drive that is stereotypical, but I guess I’m just struggling with wondering what changed and what’s different in our relationship now. I love him so much and I know he loves me; we are both still attracted to each other (no one has gained weight or anything like that). This isn’t a dealbreaker for me at all, I was just hoping to get some advice on why this is happening and what I can do to remedy the situation.
Also, I know he isn’t cheating, so that’s not a possibility.
Not sure if this is relevant either, but he doesn’t masurbate or watch porn at all. I guess it’s possible that he masturbates every once in a blue moon, but it’s not a regular thing by any means.