(Closed) FI’s Mom & Step Mom afraid they will ruin our day ADVICE/HELP?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

It’s YOUR day NOT theirs.  They better not ruin it!  Hopefully they’ll be mature enough to realize this.

Post # 4
Member
200 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

They don’t need to sit at the same table.

They don’t need to go dress shopping together.

They do need to behave civilly.

Post # 5
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

don’t have a parents table, due to y interesting family setup, i am having long tables my mum as been married 3 times in fact so has my dad 

i need to seat, my mum and her husband, my dad and his wife, my step dad and his wife, my step mum and her partner and my mil & fil 

out of all of these couples someone doesn’t like someone else, although the will be civil for my sake. 

so i am having 5 long tables and one couple will be at the head of each, keeping them equal, yet seperate 

 

personally i would speak to them, tell them your fears, or hire a doorman (joking) 

Post # 6
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tell them both that because of their previous behavior, you have reservations about them attending your wedding. Tell them that if they cannot behave like adults and keept their hands to themselves, they aren’t welcome.

Post # 7
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@shawndy: Its is your wedding and not theirs. Sit down and talk to them if you need to now so that there is no misunderstandings later

 

Post # 8
Member
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Assign a chaperone to one of them, maybe one of your siblings or a cousin, or an aunt, and tell them their job is to keep the two of them away from each other for the duration of the wedding and reception. Also, talk to your Future Father-In-Law and let him know of your concerns and tell him that he needs to keep an eye on his current wife, and that he needs to keep her and his ex-wife away from each other. Tell him that IF there should be a disruption that they will all be asked to leave. Also, if you have security at the wedding (most venues will require a security guard on premises, if alcohol is being served) let the security guard know of the situation and have him keep an eye on them as well. Hopefully, with all this in place they can avoid an altercation and not disrupt your wedding.

Post # 9
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My fiance and I have this same exact problem. I can’t offer up any advice, but if you figure out a solution to keep the peace, let me know! : ) 

Post # 10
Member
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@Elvis:I agree with this. I would firmly tell them that if they cannot put childish behaviors aside for one day, which they have been unable to do in the past, they are not welcome. Also if they start anything let them know they BOTH will be escorted out. Say you dont care who starts it but it will be finished very quickly if anything starts and both of them will not be allowed back in to the wedding. I wouldn’t sugar coat this issue with my own mother if she acted this way. Seriously what grown women can’t get along long enough to sit through a high school graduation without getting into a fist fight? That is ridiculous. Maybe your Fiance should say this, since it is his family, but this is exactly what I would say.

 

Post # 11
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Take one shopping for the dress and one to fitting… or if you’ve already bought the dress, one to the 1st fiting and one to the final fitting.

Day of… assign each an “important” duty (if that’s possible).  Tell them (individually) how much you need their help and you just couldn’t do it without them… and then ask one to be in charge of welcoming guests or doing the guest book and the other to pass out programs inside the church (or something similar if that’s not in your wedding).  You get the idea.  Just keep them busy away from each other. 

At the reception, it’s pretty much out of your hands.  I think your FI’s dad needs to step up and handle it for you, by speaking privately with them about their behaviour at the brother’s graduation and how that can not happen again. 

Try to make them feel needed and keep them busy… that’s what I would do.

Honey works wonders… as the saying goes.

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