(Closed) FI's mom is still trying to add people to the guest list…

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 2
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My mom was adding people the week of the wedding, like 4 days before. If they are paying I don’t see a reason to not invite them. 

Post # 3
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

MissPhish:  My grandmother just told me she has 10-12 people she wants to add to the list. I didn’t have the heart to tell her “no effing way,” even though she volunteered to pay for the extra people. For us, it isn’t about money, it’s about space (we don’t want everything to be too crowded, and we’re getting up there in terms of numbers and capacity) and the feel we’re going for – like you, FI’s mom is already making us invite tons of her friends that I’ve never met (and that FI hasn’t seen in years and years). I feel like we already have enough random people coming and I don’t want any more. So sorry, grandma, but it ain’t happening.

I say, put your foot down if it means something to you. I plan on telling my grandmother that if a bunch of people end up not being able to come, we can invite her friends at the end, but for now, they’re not on the list.

Post # 4
6134 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013


Honestly, if you’ve never met these people I don’t think you’re obligated to invite them. Does you FI have a relationship with your FFIL’s sisters? If so, then I’d invite them.

Post # 5
1569 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I would say to just invite them. if the FFIL has been around for 12 years, his sisters are actually pretty close relations to you and FI even if you havent met them. I gave into all of my FMILs guest requests (ten of her friends) but I’m saying no to her most recent one, her cousin who Ive never met Simply because her reason for inviting the cousin is because she doesn’t want to insult her, which isn’t really the right reason in my books. But if u can afford to invite the sisters and husbands, just doing it might be a lot easier and it might be nice for u to get this chance to meet them!

Post # 8
94 posts
Worker bee

Honestly, I would say no. This is yours and FH’s day, not hers. Also, if you are firm with her, it might help with setting boundaries later on. If you let her steamroll you now, she’ll keep doing it.

Post # 10
94 posts
Worker bee

MissPhish:  FMIL has also tried a few controlling things with FH and I previously, but I have, in no uncertain terms, told her NO each time. Now, with wedding planning, she has offered suggestions that I didn’t like, so FH and I told her no. She doesn’t like it, but oh well. 

Also, we told parents, our money = our rules. Only our closest friends and fam, so they couldn’t invite anyone. Well, a couple weeks later she sent an email to FH and me, listing FIVE couples she wanted to invite…saying she was respecting our wishes by not sending more. We didn’t even reply, and sent out our STDs. She later called said couples to talk about the wedding, and guess what…none of them had received a STD! 

She called us, fuming. I calmly replied that we had clearly announced that our guest list was closed, so her email had surely been an attempt at humor….

Some might say I’m harsh with her, but she is like a freight train. Since Ive never let her have her way, she quit trying…and now is respectful of me and my relationship with her son.  It’s awesome 🙂


Post # 12
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

af123:  SO jealous! Wish I could do that with my FMIL… but it would just make FI’s life living hell!

Post # 13
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If they were paying for it then I would say yes, invite them. However since they aren’t then tell her it’s too late. My FMIL keeps adding ppl to her lost but I can’t dispute her bc shes paying for them

Post # 15
94 posts
Worker bee


MissPhish:  my FH and I kinda had the same issue when we first got together. It was always “what mom wants”. When we got serious, I told him that he could have a pissed off girlfriend or a happy mommy, not both. Literally told him to get his balls back from his mom, or grow a new pair and stand up for me, and that decisions involving both of us would not be influenced by her.

He chose wisely 🙂 and, since then has always told his mom that he’d check with me and we’d later give her our decision. 

Maybe turn the tables? Ask what he would think if your dad insisted FH do ( thing he hates to do/ would never do). Think that might help?

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