Post # 1
We just had our Stag and Doe on the weekend (thanks to our wedding party, it was a surprise!!) BUT FI’s mother and sister couldn’t be bothered to make it!! (They live about 1hr away and could have stayed the night at our house, FI’s brother’s house or his dads house) OR they could have driven here stayed for a bit and driven back home like some of my family did!!!!
FI hasn’t said that it bothered him but I know it does. My problem now is that I really don’t want to have anything to do with them anymore. I really can’t stand how his mom treats him and I have tried to look past things that she doesn’t bother to support him for but the list keeps getting longer and longer. They didn’t attend either one of our baby showers, our house warming, she won’t come here for christmas dinner (which isn’t a big deal I guess but his Grama always comes to everything and she lives 3 hrs away!!!)
Does anyone have any advice on how I can move on and not let it bother me that she can’t be bothered to support him??? At this point I don’t really care if I never see his mother or his sister ever again and I don’t want to be like that because family is VERY important to me!!
Thank you for any advice!!!!
Post # 3
That sucks that you guys have to deal with a less than supportive FMIL and FSIL. All I would say is to try to reach out to them when you need to – inviting them over for certain events or letting them know about the options for staying with you or other family if they are coming to visit. At the end of the day though, you can’t force them to participate in your lives, and as sad as that is, sometimes it is inevitable. The only other advice I can offer is for you to get your FI to talk to them – I know it’s hard for him to have this conversation with his mom and sister, but if he doesn’t say anything, I doubt much will change. Hopefully things improve for you because I too value family and it is hard to think of my life without them!
Post # 4
Does your FMIL have a problem with large groups? Is she suffering from depresson? Those are the only things I can think of as to why she doesn’t participate in gatherings. Some people just feel awkward when around others. The sad thing is that she is missing out on many joyful occasions. Have you invited her for a one-on-one dinner or lunch or brunch or something? Maybe she would be more comfortable in that situation. Maybe your FI needs to tell her “Mom, it’s really important to me to have you here.” I hope things work out.
Post # 5
I had a similar situation a few weeks ago at my bridal shower – my FMIL showed up for literally less than 5 minutes then said her back hurt and she left (before all the guests even arrived!). My future SIL (my FI’s brother’s FI – who is getting married 4 days after us – another long story) didn’t show up at all. I was kind of frustrated/ upset about it all – particularly about FMIL.
This is rather personal, but… I realized that I had to put it all in perspective when about 2 weeks later my FMIL intentionally overdosed and ended up in the hospital for several days. Obviously she has some major problems that I’m not going to go into here… but – moral of the story – you have to just worry about the big things – not showing up for parties isn’t the end of the world. What you hope for in terms of a relationship with your future in-laws is sometimes different than what you get.
Post # 6
dance Thank you very much for your advice! I would love for FI to talk to them but his mom has done this kind of thing to him for years so I think he has just decided to accept it but I know it hurts him that she can’t bother to participate in any occasions that are important to us 🙁 I feel so bad for him because my whole family immediate and extended are all very supportive of anything and everything that any family member does.
sudslover I know she doesn’t really care for large groups of people but I just feel that she could have made the effort to come at least for a little bit. I know that large groups doesn’t affect her health wise (like she did come to my daughter’s first birthday party where there were easily 50 people there) so I don’t really think that she can use the crowd as an excuse.
EvaBostonTerrier I am really sorry to hear that you had to go through all of that. I would be equally upset about the two of them. I am really sorry that she got to the point that she did and I am glad that she’s ok. I have a hard time understanding people who have depression or anything like it because I have never been there so I would have a hard time getting over the fact that she didn’t enjoy your bridal shower with you. I guess I am a wee bit selfish that way and I do realize that my wedding, stag and doe and bridal shower aren’t as important to everyone as they are to me but I plan on only doing them all only once and I would like the people that I love and FI loves to be there to enjoy it with me. I am going to have to take some time and try to get to where you are, I do realize that how I hoped FI’s mother and I’s relationship isn’t ever going to be what I had hoped now I just have to work on accepting it!!
Thank you ladies for your advice and insight it was really helpful and I am not as bitter towards her as I was a few days earlier!!!