(Closed) FI’s Mother can’t be bothered to show up and support us!!!!! :(

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

That sucks that you guys have to deal with a less than supportive FMIL and FSIL.  All I would say is to try to reach out to them when you need to – inviting them over for certain events or letting them know about the options for staying with you or other family if they are coming to visit.  At the end of the day though, you can’t force them to participate in your lives, and as sad as that is, sometimes it is inevitable.  The only other advice I can offer is for you to get your FI to talk to them – I know it’s hard for him to have this conversation with his mom and sister, but if he doesn’t say anything, I doubt much will change.  Hopefully things improve for you because I too value family and it is hard to think of my life without them! 

Post # 4
581 posts
Busy bee

Does your FMIL have a problem with large groups?  Is she suffering from depresson?  Those are the only things I can think of as to why she doesn’t participate in gatherings.  Some people just feel awkward when around others.  The sad thing is that she is missing out on many joyful occasions.  Have you invited her for a one-on-one dinner or lunch or brunch or something? Maybe she would be more comfortable in that situation.  Maybe your FI needs to tell her “Mom, it’s really important to me to have you here.”  I hope things work out.

Post # 5
1940 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I had a similar situation a few weeks ago at my bridal shower – my FMIL showed up for literally less than 5 minutes then said her back hurt and she left (before all the guests even arrived!).  My future SIL (my FI’s brother’s FI – who is getting married 4 days after us – another long story) didn’t show up at all.  I was kind of frustrated/ upset about it all – particularly about FMIL.  

This is rather personal, but… I realized that I had to put it all in perspective  when about 2 weeks later my FMIL intentionally overdosed and ended up in the hospital for several days.  Obviously she has some major problems that I’m not going to go into here… but – moral of the story – you have to just worry about the big things – not showing up for parties isn’t the end of the world.  What you hope for in terms of a relationship with your future in-laws is sometimes different than what you get.

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