(Closed) FI’s Overseas Job Offer 8mos before Wedding (Long)

posted 10 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hey there.  I know what you’re going through on an even bigger scale.  My fiance is an Indian citizen (I’m white American) and we can’t be together at all unless we’re both in India.  So I’m moving.  To India.  Semi-permanatley.  And getting married there too.  It’s crazy to think of leaving home and everything I know, including my loving mom and sister, but as in love as the two of us are, we couldn’t imagine things being any other way.

You’ve got to think about what you want in terms of not only the wedding, but your life.  If you are financially stable enough, you can move to Europe and come back for the wedding if you want.  I doubt this is an opportunity you want to turn down, but you have to make it work for both of you as a couple.

Of course, going off to India, I’m kind of the adventurous, no boundaries type, but I get crazy scared and stressed at times too.  Moving all the way around the world for love isn’t an everyday thing, and planning a wedding from across the globe is incredibly stressful.  PM me if you want my email address and you can vent with me or use me as a soundingboard any time!  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

You’re in a really tough spot!  I think it’s doable to move and have your wedding as planned, but this probably depends on how much planning you have done or what you could get done in the time before you go.  I’ve moved twice to be with my Fiance, not to a different country, but I always make a pro and con list.  It sounds stupid, but it helps.

Talk to your family and see how they feel.  If the company will hold your positions until after the wedding, that’s probably the best way to go.  Even though you could go as scheduled, you’ll have to decide what’s best for the 2 of you. 

If the jobs are not permanent, maybe you hold off on kids until you come back. 

GL!  Keep us posted on what you decide! 🙂

Post # 5
Member
12 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Hi!

I say go for it!  I also understand how moving out of the country (before your wedding!) is stressful.  My FH got a job in Chile a few months ago, I got a job at the same company a month ago, and we’re moving out of our house (rented) next week.  We’re lucky that our companies are paying for shipping and insurance!  We got engaged in May this year, and want to have the wedding next summer-ish, but don’t have a date yet.  I’m guessing you have your date (8 months away!).  While some of our family members want us to get married in Chile, we’d rather do it at home in the northwest coast.  So, we’re taking a month-long "wedding-location-scouting" "last visit with friends" vacation in oregon/vancouver before we -actually- fly to Chile.  I’ve researched a whole bunch of places we could potentially see as the location, called them, made reservations, told them (and had them pencil in) potential dates for the wedding, got prices quotes (and then took a few places off the list), and now we’re set!  I know there’s more to planning a wedding than just the location, though.  We intend to lean heavily on my FH’s family in oregon to look into catering (his dad’s a chef, so I think we can trust him 😉 ).  I’m going to make the invitations in my spare time in Chile.  You could probably delegate for flowers, too.  I’ve already arranged for my friend to do the photography.  Basically, delegate!  I don’t think you need to be super rich to have the wedding back in the states.  It’s funny to think that we’re having a "destination wedding" at home – our budget it about 5-8k though! (sans plane tickets to get there… our company pays for a "visit home" trip once a year – it sounds like your FH’s company is also kinda posh, so you might want to look into this).

With respect to international moving jitters, I really think you should do it.  Europe is a wonderful place to live!  Don’t sell your house – rent it until the market comes up.  Find ex-pats in your area. FILL OUT YOUR ABSENTEE BALLOTS NOW!!!  There’s likely even an "ex-pats with babies" group in your area!  My co-workers at our new company even joke that the housing contract for the area (it’s an american government facility with 20 houses in a gated community) comes with a baby clause!  Nearly everyone has a baby while living there.  But then again, Personally I’m going to wait until we move back to the states (finite 3yr term) to have kids.  I want those 3 years to explore south america.  Could you really jet off to Praha for the weekend with baby in tow?

I hope this helps!

Post # 6
Member
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2008

alliec said the most important bit – fill out your absentee ballot now if there’s a chance you will be gone before the election! (But only if you’re a Democrat  )

This is such an exciting opportunity for both of you! But of course, often the most exciting opportunities are the most stressful. It sounds like you have a bit of time to decide. If it is possible to put it off until after the wedding (and quite frankly this would probably be easier, visa-wise), you may want to do that to save yourself the stress of planning the wedding long-distance. As far as kids go, you’re not there yet, so don’t worry about it. Unless you’re an old lady like me (in my early thirties) you have plenty of time. Grab this opportunity! Very few people get one as wonderful as this!

Post # 7
Member
513 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

This is an exciting opportunity!

I am not going through the same thing. The only thing I could possibly contribute to this discussion is that when my parents were married my father was in the Marines. Shortly after the ceremony my father was shipped to Japan. My mother decided to join him, and about a week after she arrived, she became pregnant- with me! Then to their shock and awe my dad was put on a navy ship for SIX MONTHS while she was pregnant. Imagine my pregnant mom in another country she was umfamiliar with?

 To make a long story short, my parents speak fondly of having had the experience of starting their family from afar. When they came back to the sates they drove cross country showing me off to the family who would have been there during my birth had they been in the same country. My mother has so many great memories of the military wives and families who essentially rallied together when their husbands were gone. And they became our extended family who we still keep in touch with (and one person who I am named after)

 While I know your situation isn’t about military deployment- I think it will defintely work out for you. Your family will still be your family, and just because you start from afar doesn’t mean that you won’t eventually be back together with them to continue raising your own family.

 Just think of it as part of life’s adventures. And that you’ll be sharing it together. It is overwhelming, but it’s the good kind!

As far as the house goes– a little secret. Do you live near a hospital? Try renting it out to some residents (doctors) who are in training and who have their families/significant others with them. That way you know your home is being cared for by someone who is going to be potentially sticking around for a few years and needs temporary roots? Just a thought… we were considering this idea ourselves… 

Post # 8
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee

Absolutely go for it ! It sounds like you want to, so grab the opportunity with both hands and go. I am sure if the company wants your fiance, they will be somewhat accomodating. Maybe you can move up a wedding a bit ( a month or two) and move up the relocation so you guys go after wedding. Or you can always join your husband in a few months (if he needs to go ASAP) after handling few more wedding/house related issues and then come back to oget married. you will deal with it same way people deal with planning destination wedding. This is Europe we are talking about, not Antarctica. You will have such a wonderful time, I am sure.   

Remember, if there is a will, there is a way. I myself have moved to the US from Europe when I met my bf. I transferred college, eventually found a job and established new life here. If i didn’t go, I would have forever wondered what could have been.

 Good luck to you whatever decision you make.

Post # 10
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Well this is something to decide with your husband.

I left my home country  (France) not for work but to be with my now husband. I love my family and it’s not always easy to be away from them. But there is internet, phones, skype and mails that make things so much easier to handle, not to mention the webcam.

My husband and I got married last year to make sure we wouldn’t be separated again. My parents couldn’t make it (too short of a notice) but they sent my brother. And in November we are going to have a big family wedding with part of my family coming over in the US. No courhouse this time, the fun party. So even though they couldn’t be here for the legal binding they still get to share a special moment with us. (My dad and my grandmother saw me getting ready for our courthouse wedding over the webcam)

 You can’t replace what’s happened in the past but you can create wonderful memories when you do get to be with your parents.

For your home: rent it. I think it’s the easiest way to do it, especially if you plan to come back. Find someone you trust who can handle the situation here so you get the checks on your account and all that.

I think the question to ask yourself is: would you regret it down the road if you didn’t go to Europe?

Figure out the best option for the wedding depending on how much is already done. If you can delegate do so and let your family prepare as much as they can.  It’d just be a good opportunity for you to come.

 As far as having children overseas. Your parents can come to be with your around the time you are due to give birth. The one thing you need to check is what will your health coverage be in the country you go to and is there the type of services you want to have for your pregnancy, childbirth and the first month of life of your future children.

Have a good talk with your husband.

Post # 11
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

The company might help you sell your house.  I would do it in a heartbeat. 

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