(Closed) FI's parents and my parents DONT agree!

posted 6 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
8279 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Maybe you could just designate different things for each set of parents to pay for versus trying to split everything? Like one pays for photography, one for the open bar, etc.

Post # 4
Member
4194 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

What do YOU and Fiance want? That’s what’s important, not what your parents want. Yes, you’re very fortunate that they’re helping out financially, but it’s YOUR day, not theirs.

Have you and Fiance sat down and figured out YOUR vision for the day? Other than the open bar, what do you want? If you and Fiance have a game plan, it’s easier for the others to get on board.

Post # 5
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@Westwood:  I agree with this or try to find a medium between the two like set a time limit to the open bar or serve only beer, wine and a signature drink?? I’m definately opposed to the cash bar.

Post # 6
Member
3182 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

If it is at all possible try to see if at least one set of parents is willing to just cut you a check for whatever they are willing to spend.  Or at least like the PP mentioned divide up the “spending areas.” Getting all the parents to agree on everything is going to be a nightmare. 

Post # 8
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

You need to just schedule a meeting at your house where both sets of parents come and discuss the plans rather than you being the go-between. They may be able to compromise on some issues, and be more flexible on others, or they may agree to designate responsibilities between the parental units. The disagreements and tempers flaring should not be on you, put it on the sources of the problems!

At the end of the day, this is your wedding, so you can put your opinions out there for the meeting also, and better financial decisions can be made. You all need to decide what the main priorities are and put the money there!

Post # 11
Member
5761 posts
Bee Keeper

We had some disagreements for my daughter’s wedding, but the MOG did as was suggested above by a PP. She decided what she would pay for directly and it ended up being the invitations, photographer, night of wedding hotel room for the B&G, and paying for the honeymoon flights. We disagreed about the open bar, so we just took care of it ourselves without them. The B&G paid for the venue rental for the day and the rest of their honeymoon, and we covered the rest.

It can work if you present it to them as covering certain things, but may be an issue if they want to do an even split. Sounds like the MOG only wants to contribute so much, and sees the extras as going over what she has in mind to spend.

Post # 12
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I would get amounts for different vendors then give parents options what they would like to pay for. That way open bar is important to your parents so they pay for that. Maybe flowers are to fi mom so they pay for that. Also it cuts down on the ” how much are they paying” thing that happens. It helps tone down the have and have nots feelings that can happen.

Post # 13
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Ya it looks like there needs to be a LIST drawn up.

Bride & Groom – WHAT it is you really & truly want (more details the better)

Then both sets of parents what they are willing to pay for… what is IMPORTANT to them.  AND an open declaration (if you can get one) on HOW MUCH they are putting into the mix in a true Dollar Amount.

Then go from there.

Dividing up the List so that folks are paying for what they really and truly want to be contributing towards (ie if someone is against an OPEN BAR… don’t force that upon them)

 

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