Post # 1
Hello bees. Fi’s parents and my parents are paying for our wedding. We are very lucky that we don’t have to spend a dime.
My mom has said many times that she wants this wedding to be… well fancy, its a party that we are putting on for guests and for the newly weds. And Fi’s mom is more practical. It gets very frustrating when I tell Fiance that we are getting a decorator and he tells his mom and she isn’t sure about this. My parents believe it should be open bar, his parents do not. Now, when I say to Fiance ‘well my parents will pay lets say 2/3rds the price of the open bar/decorator and your parents pay for 1/3rd’ Fiance thinks this will disrespect his parents saying our parents aren’t on the same wave length. But thats because they arent!
Anyone else having trouble with this? I don’t want to disrespect anyone since we are just so thankful we have help.
I totally believe in open bar, my side of the family weddings have always been open bar. My FI’s side of weddings they do cash bar. AND my Fiance totally thinks a twoonie bar is OKAY. His brothers wedding actually had bar drinks priced at around 5.50. It sucked.
Just needed to vent. Anyone else having this problem with parents not agreeing but they are paying?
Post # 3
Maybe you could just designate different things for each set of parents to pay for versus trying to split everything? Like one pays for photography, one for the open bar, etc.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
What do YOU and Fiance want? That’s what’s important, not what your parents want. Yes, you’re very fortunate that they’re helping out financially, but it’s YOUR day, not theirs.
Have you and Fiance sat down and figured out YOUR vision for the day? Other than the open bar, what do you want? If you and Fiance have a game plan, it’s easier for the others to get on board.
Post # 5
@Westwood: I agree with this or try to find a medium between the two like set a time limit to the open bar or serve only beer, wine and a signature drink?? I’m definately opposed to the cash bar.
Post # 6
If it is at all possible try to see if at least one set of parents is willing to just cut you a check for whatever they are willing to spend. Or at least like the PP mentioned divide up the “spending areas.” Getting all the parents to agree on everything is going to be a nightmare.
Post # 7
@Westwood: I can try and mention that to Fiance. Might work out too. He really wanted a band and I want open bar. So they pay for band, we pay open bar. Thanks for your suggestion!!
Post # 8
You need to just schedule a meeting at your house where both sets of parents come and discuss the plans rather than you being the go-between. They may be able to compromise on some issues, and be more flexible on others, or they may agree to designate responsibilities between the parental units. The disagreements and tempers flaring should not be on you, put it on the sources of the problems!
At the end of the day, this is your wedding, so you can put your opinions out there for the meeting also, and better financial decisions can be made. You all need to decide what the main priorities are and put the money there!
Post # 9
@rebwana: We both have the same vision of wanting a very fun reception, nothing stuffy. Vintage feel and just comfortable for guests. We pretty much agree on everything but the decorator and open bar.
@lindseyl06: I also thought that would be a great idea. Open bar till a certain time, then twoonie bar rest of the night.
@Natalieh86: Never asked parents about that.. Guess we could try and see. That way its how we want to spend the money they graciously are giving us.
Post # 10
@kandeK: LOL I totally agree!!! But will it turn out being the mothers planning the wedding if they get together and Fiance and I sitting in the back? I can totally see that happening!
Post # 11
We had some disagreements for my daughter’s wedding, but the MOG did as was suggested above by a PP. She decided what she would pay for directly and it ended up being the invitations, photographer, night of wedding hotel room for the B&G, and paying for the honeymoon flights. We disagreed about the open bar, so we just took care of it ourselves without them. The B&G paid for the venue rental for the day and the rest of their honeymoon, and we covered the rest.
It can work if you present it to them as covering certain things, but may be an issue if they want to do an even split. Sounds like the MOG only wants to contribute so much, and sees the extras as going over what she has in mind to spend.
Post # 12
I would get amounts for different vendors then give parents options what they would like to pay for. That way open bar is important to your parents so they pay for that. Maybe flowers are to fi mom so they pay for that. Also it cuts down on the ” how much are they paying” thing that happens. It helps tone down the have and have nots feelings that can happen.
Post # 13
Ya it looks like there needs to be a LIST drawn up.
Bride & Groom – WHAT it is you really & truly want (more details the better)
Then both sets of parents what they are willing to pay for… what is IMPORTANT to them. AND an open declaration (if you can get one) on HOW MUCH they are putting into the mix in a true Dollar Amount.
Then go from there.
Dividing up the List so that folks are paying for what they really and truly want to be contributing towards (ie if someone is against an OPEN BAR… don’t force that upon them)