(Closed) FI’s potential career choice changes again… med school?!? Kids?!

posted 7 years ago in Career
Post # 3
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MsYellowJacket: Unfortunately I have no good advice for you, but I wanted to let you know we are going through the same thing.  Darling Husband works for professional baseball, and is on the road from March-September every single year.  Next year he will be gone for most of September and October too.  It actually works well for us as a couple (I travel to see him, watch his games on TV, etc.) But how do you bring kids in the mix?  Lots to think about. Hugs!

Post # 5
Member
5921 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

@MsYellowJacket: I feel the same way, you are definitely not alone.  When Darling Husband is on the road, he is ON the road- no breaks.  He’d miss all of my dr. appointments unless it’s the off season.  We would really have to try to plan everything out, which sucks, and you can never count on planning that stuff out, you know.  It makes me sad to think about.

Post # 6
Member
1040 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m in the same boat. Fiance wants to do med school. I actually work for a doctor and he had kids while in school, so I guess it must be feasible. I try not to think about it, personally. It kinda stresses me out!

Post # 8
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Med school is not nearly as bad as trying to start a family during residency, imho.  A ton of my friends are doctors and they all waited until end of residency to start families (most until after fellowship actually).

It sounds like he’s had more of an engineering background.  Did he take the necessary science classes in school?  Would be able to do well on the MCAS or would he need to take another class or two first? 

He could always work for a few years and then apply to med school.  All of my doctor friends from college did this – worked 1-3 years.  One worked more like 7 but we tease him alot that he’ll never finish (he took time off while at med school to do some interesting research thing.  Granted, Yale looks on this benevolently, but still.)

Post # 9
Member
2522 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@MsYellowJacket:  I think it’s manageable but it’ll be difficult.  There are physician brides on here who can fill you in more.

I’m planning on applying to med school after I have my kids for a variety of reasons.  First off, I have fertility issues and kids are a higher priority than being a doctor right now.  Secondly, I plan on applying when my youngest is in pre-school so that by the time I start medical school they’ll all be in grade school in case I don’t get in the first year I apply.  Thirdly, my Fiance and I want to pay off our current student loan debt.  He’s really supportive of whatever I choose and I’m blessed to have someone like that.  He’s an engineer so financially, we’ll be okay during the years while in med school to support our family, maybe not the cost of medical school.  I may have to get loans for that.

I think he should take the MCATs and see how he does.  If it’s his passion, I’d encourage it.

Post # 10
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2011

It will definitely be hard, but I think that is it managable.

I’m actually the one in our now family that is the aspiring doctor… only I’ll be starting from scratch.

Since I’m not going for my MD for income purposes and more about things that are on my heart to use it for… I’ll be going back to school in about 10 years… I’ll be 35 when I start.

I figure I’ll have all our kiddos and get them in a place where they’re all in school so that I will have more available time for myself.

It’s definitely a different position since I’ll be the one carrying and birthing them.. taking maternity leave, etc.. so that’s why I’m waiting till later. lol

Post # 12
Member
159 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hey!

I am currently in my 4th year of Medical School, just thought I would offer the “insiders” perspective.

It takes a year to apply, so if your Fi currently has all of pre-req’s done (he can look those up), and starts getting his letters of rec, and takes the MCAT this year, the EARLIEST he would be applying is NEXT (2012) year (it is too late to apply this year), which would mean he would be starting Med School at the EARLIEST August of 2013. 

So, in my opinion, he should take a good paying job and start getting everything in a row for applications next summer (or start taking his pre-req’s which usually take about 2 years to finish if you didn’t do them while in college).  Start saving now–applications are expensive (I think i spent about 3k between applications and interviews, i had 7 interviews out of 35 schools applied to)

 

All that being said, once he starts medical school, the first 2 years will be ALL book work, and the 3rd and 4th years will be clinical, ie in the hospital. 

He will be recieving financial aid (almost all of us get 100% covered, our school and living expenses.)  Few of us come from familys that can afford to pay for our schooling (certainly don’t), we all leave with about $150,000 in debt ( that is the national average, I will have close to double that), and everyone manages to pay it off.  People think doctors make TONS of money, but really if you look at the years we spend in school not getting paid and accumulating massive amounts of debt, its not a very smart career dicision if you are going into it for the money–you need to have the love of caring for patients.

 

Ok, so all that being said, I think it is a LOT easier for men in Med school to have children than it is for the Women.  Almost all the guys in my class that have had children have wives that pick up the slack–some wives work, some don’t and they are just very good at streching their financial aid. 

During the first 2 years your Fi will be home a lot more often, he would be able to help because he will most likely be home studying.  During years 3 and 4, it will be harder, he will be working long hours, usually 10 hour days on some roatations, but then on others he will get 4 day weekends (at least that is how it is at most schools I know). 

I agree with the above comment, I think it is easier to have kids in Med school than during residency–depending on which year you decide to have kids.

 

I hope this helps, all of this is just what i have seen from my 4 years of med school and the residents that I know.  If you have any questions please feel free to ask!

hugs.

Post # 13
Member
69 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I met my husband when he was finishing medical school.  During residency, he had cohorts who got married and started a family right away.  Nevertheless, they finished their residency the same time my husband did. Some continued towards a fellowship.  They admitted that it was hard but they tried their best to be involved in raising their children with their spouses whenever they could. 

I think it’s about supporting each other and making it work no matter how hard or impossible it seem.  There will be a period that may seem extremely hard but if you look at the end result, once he is done with everything, all will be worth it. 

Keep in mind that during residency, your husband will begin to have income of his own, granted it’s not a doctor’s paycheck yet but it will be enough to support him and you.  My husband did not proposed to me until his last year of residency and we finally got married his second year of fellowship due to us making things work around both of our career and schedule. Next June he’ll be done with his fellowship and both of us are excited to finally move forward to starting a family.  For us, we decided together that it would be best to begin family planning after he is done with his fellowship, but like I said before, it could be done during residency/fellowship. 

Not impossible but doable.

Best of luck,

Rain

 

Post # 14
Member
14 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@MsYellowJacket It is definitely doable, and if your Fiance really does want to go into surgery then medical school would actually be the best time for you both to have children (although people often change their specialty choice after they have done a few rotations, I know I did). There were actually about a dozen men in my med school class who had families, and I think that having children motivated them to study more and procrastinate less, so they actually spent a lot less time studying than most of us and did just as well (and for about half of these men their wives didn’t work, I think they just took out more loans and lived very frugally). Also, I think most (all?) med schools provide additional loans for childcare, so that could help reduce the burden on you while you are working.

I think what you both need to consider more than the difficulty of having children during medical school is the difficulty of having a family when one parent is a surgeon. Of course I am not in anyway saying that this is impossible, or even a bad idea (one of my friends is a surgery intern and she is an incredible mother, wife and friend), but I have heard repeatedly from female physicians whose husbands are surgeons that it is like being a single parent. Surgeries often run long, or emergent situations arise, and surgeons often end up missing family events ranging from dinner to plays and award ceremonies. These men are still incredible fathers, but they aren’t around as much as most, and if you are concerned about feeling like a single parent then you both need to consider how your Fiance being a surgeon will affect your family life.

Of course, all that being said, there is a good chance he would change his specialty choice once he begins his clinical rotations, and if he really loves surgery he could choose to do ENT or ophthalmology instead (assuming his grades are good enough) and he would have a lot more free time.

Post # 15
Member
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I super-duper heart Tech. So, I went to grad school straight after Tech and 3-4 years in all I could say that I wanted to do wtih my degree was have babies—motivated, I know. Then I quit finally (unlike med school you don’t get out of my program in 4 years) and now I am 27 and SO EXCITED to have fun with my life, etc, etc. Everyone is different and has different priorities, but I would encourage you to explore your career and have fun (outside of Tech!!!!!!!! please!!!!!!!!!!) before rushing in to having kids. I hear that med school is pretty rough on relationships as-is and I KNOW that residency is, so, I don’t know, I wouldn’t rush the whole kids thing. 

 

That being said, many married women have raised children while their husband is away. There are tons of military wives out there, and they have their own social groups etc. If you do decide to do it while your husband is super-super busy, seek out these social groups and make sure you get the support you need.

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