(Closed) FI's psycho sister?

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

I think if you are concerned about her health and wellbeing she needs to be tested for bipolar. Assuming that is a genuine concern. If she is bipolar she should be pout on medication asap, or ruining your wedding will be the least of your worries

Post # 3
Member
7683 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

heyitsnicolelee:  I do think you need to invite her, however, if you are having seating arrangements is there someone in the family or family friend that can kind of “babysit” her?  

Post # 5
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

right but how can she be properly medicated if she has not been tested and diagnosed?

If she is not being properly medicated than the pills can make her feel a way that would discourage her from taking them. Sorry I am just playing devils advocate here. I am bi polar and before I was diagnosed and properly medicated I did many things that my family has luckily forgiven me for. 

 

Post # 6
Member
102 posts
Blushing bee

I agree with creativeplannertobee. Invite her and assign a family member or friend to keep an eye on her and keep the potential damage to a minimum. 

Tough situation all around. I hope she gets the help she needs someday.

Post # 7
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

janedw:  OP isn’t really in a position to force the stepsister to receive treatment for her mental illness. If she’s a danger to herself or others she can be TDO’d to a facility,  but otherwise no one can force her to take medication. As an adult that is her right. The best they can do is encourage her.

heyitsnicolelee:  If you truly believe that she will actually ruin you’re wedding then I wouldn’t invite her. Remember too that your Fiance likely knows her better than you and he doesn’t think she should come. I would be honest with her and her family about why she’s not invited. 

If however you think she can be managed, maybe by having a family member keep an eye on her then I would invite her but be clear with her that behavior like on the cruise won’t be allowed. I don’t know where your venue is but if possible maybe you could have a room where she can go get her shit together if needed

Post # 8
Member
1053 posts
Bumble bee

ms1984:  I never said she should force her to do anything, nor did I imply that she should try and do so.

Post # 9
Member
962 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - San Clemente Church, Italy

Bipolar Disorder is a genuine medical condition that can be treated with proper medication, although she isn’t consistently med compliant, that is not unusual for the disorder. It’s offensive to refer to someone with a mental illness as “PSYCHO” because of a medical problem over which they have little to no control.

Would you exclude someone with a seizure disorder who didn’t take their medication because a seizure would “ruin your day”? Would you exclude a family member with Turrettes Syndrome over outbursts they can’t control? How about a diabetic who didn’t take their insulin and passed out or seized due to low blood sugar? How about a family member with intellectual impairment or autism? Wold you say you didn’t want a “RETARD” at your wedding? 

Everyone isn’t young, beautiful and healthy and they shouldn’t have to be in order to share your special day. Just remember that you won’t always be those things either and I pray that people show you more tolerance and empathy than you’ve chosen to. 

Post # 10
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You cannot “put” someone on medication.  Has fiance spoken to his mom or dad, and explained his position.   If they are not paying, it is his decision. 

I agree, everyone not  young and healthy, but either she is sick or not, and if she is making decision not to take meds, then the consequences have to be explained to her. 

Post # 11
Member
3290 posts
Sugar bee

As a person with diagnosed Bipolar II disorder…. I really really dislike being labeled a ‘psycho’. 

I don’t think there is much you can do about your Future Sister-In-Law. No one can force her to take medication, no one can commit her to a psychiatric ward and make her stay there.

Post # 12
Member
2507 posts
Sugar bee

I would hope that if she truly is mentally unstable, then you would stop blaming her, and try to be more compassionate. It’s not as easy as snapping out of it, or just taking medication – mental illness is complicated and not easy. Maybe the reason the family keeping a forgiving her is because they realize that some challenges are beyond her control and have compassion towards her situation. Invite her. She’s his sister and it’s the right thing to do. for the love of everything, don’t be the bitchy bride who ostricized the mementally ill sister from the wedding because she was afraid it wouldn’t be perfect if she was there. Families are messy. Life is messy. Your wedding will be fine. 

Post # 13
Member
1890 posts
Buzzing bee

It’s hard to say what to do here without knowing more details. I guess the key to me would be whether you think someone would be able to step in and remove her from the wedding/get her help if she had an episode during your day. If I were you, I would support whatever your Fiance thinks is best. It’s his wedding, too, and his family. Sometimes people cut family members off for good reason.

Post # 14
Member
543 posts
Busy bee

I really don’t appreciate how you labeled someone who may suffer from Bipolar Disorder as “psycho”.. talk about being insesitive and unempathetic. 

“His stepsister we are pretty sure is bipolar”.. also, don’t assume someone is mentally ill just because his or her behavior is appears to be mentally unstable. If you are concerned, you should make sure she gets psychological and emotional support from a professional. 

Post # 15
Member
8308 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

 

heyitsnicolelee: 

 If she really is bi-polar then  stopping medication when on the ‘up’ is very common, as the person genuinely  and completely believes themself to be OK in that  phase .  It is not really a matter of saying  ‘that she can’t be helped unless she wants to be’, though that is true of many things I agree.

Not inviting her is a serious thing, and unless she is actually violent and dangerous , I think it should be a very last resort . It is very unlikely your wedding (whatever it cost) would  be ‘ruined’ even if she had an outburst of some sort out of the blue, esp if you have  a family member (of hers) keeping  her close .  Keep an eye – not just you  personally –    on her pre-wedding behaviour   and get her family – not you alone  -to make a decision  nearer the time . But  by all means , invite her.

Oh and I agree with pps, do watch your labelling of her or anyone else’s  illness. I’m sure  you didn’t mean it to sound so heartless and flippant.

 

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