(Closed) FI’s single friend is overbearing!! Please help!! :(

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Oh, wow, I feel your pain, even from here.  I would feel exactly the same way you do, highly annoyed.  That said, your Fiance is between a rock and a hard place.  I’m sure he feels you are the most important person in his entire life, but he also needs his friends.  Does Fiance feel that his friend is imposing too much as well, or is he fine with all this?  It does seem excessive.  It sounds like the guy is lonely, maybe you could introduce him to one of your single girlfriends, lol.  But, seriously, you and your Fiance can’t always be his entertainment, it isn’t fair to you.  If you and your Fiance can get on the same page about it and compromise Fiance should talk to his friend and explain that he’s busy with things involving the two of you.  You shouldn’t have to feel as though you’re playing second to his friend, ever.  And the anxious feeling of having to plan things ahead just to beat him to the punch sounds awful.  I feel so bad for you, but I hope you and your Fiance can work it out.  Your feelings are very valid.  When you talk to Fiance don’t “attack” but explain how you feel in a calm and rational way.  Everything you’ve said makes perfect sense, and he most likely will understand.  You are doing your part and more to make his friend feel welcome.  But that friend shouldn’t be allowed to take advantage of your FI’s kindness.  Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
1405 posts
Bumble bee

The guy just moved there and knows no one.  Introduce him to other people.

Post # 5
Member
870 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Wow I feel your pain.  It looks like he’s lonely and has no friends though. I mean, he pretty much just moved out there.  Hopefully he will make other friends, but there’s no harm in helping him along. Introduce him to other people and if he becomes way too overbearing, just have your Fiance talk to him directly about it. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
62 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with the PP’s. Introduce him to a new hobby where he can meet people with similar interests. It seems to me like he enjoys being social, but unfortrunately for you, he doesn’t know anyone else. Maybe if he can meet other people around town, he will back off a little and you and your Fiance can see him less often. Plus, if this guy has new people to spend time with, maybe your Fiance won’t feel so guilty when you two want to spend an evening alone.

I feel your pain when you say you have to make plans early in the week to get alone time with your Fiance..I have the same issue and it stinks! Mine is for other reasons, but it is stressful nonetheless..so good luck!!

Post # 8
Member
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

It sounds like the friend is lonely but has good intentions. Find him a girlfriend? LOL.

Post # 9
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@HopingForSnow:  Is there any way you can set him up? he sounds lonely, and he doesn’t seem like a bad guy—he may just be clueless that he is coming off as clingy

Post # 10
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@HopingForSnow:  No, you’re not crazy at all!  Just be careful not to put your Fiance in the position of feeling as though he has to choose between you.  After all, there is no choice, you come first, hands down.  However, your Fiance sounds like a really good guy and has compassion for his friend.  The friend does sound really annoying, btw.  If you explain it to your Fiance the same way you just explained it to us here it sounds reasonable and logical.  It’s not that you are saying they can’t be friends or that you’re trying to come between them.  It’s just that enough is enough already.  Boundaries, hello!  🙂  But, I have a similar (albeit not as annoying) issue in that my Future Mother-In-Law is an older lady and in frail health.  She’s also very emotionally needy and dependent on my Fiance.  It does get annoying at times but I always remember, she is his Mom.  And she deserves respect and I love her a lot.  But I get that anxious feeling sometimes, too, like – are we going to be able to spend an evening/Saturday, etc., alone?  Other people can be intrustive but also there can be a balance between everyone’s needs.  I wish you all the best.

Post # 11
Member
926 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Awww! Poor you and poor guy!  I know this is tough, I’ve dealt with something similar.  Right now is the time when you want to be building your life with Fiance and solidifying your identity as a couple.  Instead, you’ve got this friend weaseling his way in between your happy little picture.

He really does sound nice though, just lonely and insecure.  This is actually your time to shine!  You get to be the cool, accomodating Fiance while gettig to know one of your man’s closest friends.  It really is an asset to be close-ish with FI’s friends (in my experience). 

It sounds like you’ve been riding it out pretty well so far.  As PP’s have noted, could you play matchmaker?  Or just invite other single/couple friends along so that you have other people to talk to?

Post # 12
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

E HARMONY NOW….

Yeah sounds like my friend as a teenager “Hi it’s so-and-so I’m bored want to hang out?”

Post # 12
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think your Fiance needs to wean his friend off a bit. When I have really clingy friends I take  a long time to text them back and then tell them I was a bit busy or something, because if you keep texting or calling back they never get the message that you need space

Post # 13
Member
9688 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@bells:  That is such great advice!  I said those same words to Fiance about his mom not too long ago, that he needed to wean her off of her extreme dependency on him, at least just a little.  I told him it’s not healthy for either of them for her to be so overly needy.  She lives around the corner from us, in walking distance, really, and she owns a car and drives into town every day.  But last weekend for brunch he offered to go and get her!  I said, “Honey, that is ridiculous, honestly, you are treating her like an invalid and she’s not.  She has a car and she drives every single day.  And we live 30 seconds away from her!  Please stop enabling her helplessness.”  Well, he was kinda pissed at me, but he did not go and get her.  She showed up just fine on her own, lol.  Imagine that.

The topic ‘FI’s single friend is overbearing!! Please help!! :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors