- 6 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
I need advice and I need to vent!!!
My Fiance and I have been engaged since November. We live together and have been together over 6 years. From December thru January (almost 2 months time) my BIL lived in our house while he started a new job in our area and my sister was working on moving to our city. This was fine, but sometimes awkward… ok, it got pretty awkward… and we were happy when he left but no one ever spoke of the awkwardness because we knew he’d be out after 2 months.
Then, my FI’s friend that he used to work with when we lived back in Kansas (I was only out there for a year, Fiance was only there for a job for over 2 years) got a job at FI’s place of employment and moved here. FI’s friend, A, moved here in early February. Since then he has been calling Fiance every day, wanting to hang out every weekend, wanting to cook us fancy meals once every week or two… he was even asking my Fiance if we want to have dinner with him when Fiance told him several times that my step mom was staying with us for the weekend. Even wanting to meet up with Fiance for lunch right before our food tasting, convo was Fiance: “no man, I have my food tasting at 1, sorry” A: “Oh that’s cool we can go at 11:30” Fiance: “nah, I don’t want to eat before the tasting, sorry.”
Also, Fiance and I have been waiting for the day we have enough money saved up to buy a new sectional. We’ve been using hand me down couches since before college (he’s almost 4 years out of college, I’m 3 years out) because we’ve been moving around and wanted to wait to make the purchase once we bought a place. Well low and behold, ‘A’ needs a sectional too, what a coinkidink! So A wants Fiance to go couch shopping every weekend and, oh! he’s going shopping tonight, so what does Fiance want in a couch, he’ll keep his eyes peeled and let him know what he finds! And oh there’s a great place for couches in town…! blah blah blah.
I’m sorry, it might sound petty, but I’ve done my research, we have cats with claws, I know what fabrics have the best chance (if any) to stand against them and what stores have our syles with that fabric. And excuse me, but I’m the fiance, we haven’t ever gone furniture shopping of any sort together yet because we haven’t had the money to buy anything yet. That’s a fun experience to have and I’ve been waiting to go for a long time but didn’t want to get ahead of myself before we had the money. Am I nuts?
And we hang out with him plenty, it’s been every week that we’ve either gone to his place or invited him over for cards or gone out to the bars with him. Most of the time it’s just the three of us. He’s also very annoying to me. My Fiance sees how it is for me, and I keep my cool around him, I’d never let him know I’m frustrated every time we hang out because he truly is a nice person. He’s just a know it all, and I am not the type of person who handles that well.
And my Fiance and I have already fought several times about him, me wanting to keep my distance once in a while, and Fiance wanting to be a nice guy and do stuff with him. And I feel like it’s taking away from our nice time as an engaged couple and turning it into three’s company 🙁
I’m feeling anxious lately like I have to hurry up and come up with actual plans with my Fiance for our friday and saturday nights I don’t want to see A, just so I can beat A to the punch. I don’t even like hearing about A wanting to do things with us anymore, it just frustrates me because it’s every other day that he makes new plans. Ok maybe not every other, but definitley every three days, I swear!
The latest battle I have with my Fiance is that we had dinner with A saturday night on a last minute whim (after I spent the last 8 hours of my saturday with FI’s family at his sister’s bridal shower, driving 2 hours there, 2 hours back, by myself) at a fancier restaurant which is the type of setting where he’s the most annoying to me. Then he wants to cook us dinner this week, just a few days later. Then he wants to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with us (it will be all day, 7 am til whatever hour…). I told Fiance I’d like to skip out of dinner this week if we’re going to be seeing him this much (not at all asking him to change plans, just that I don’t want to go) and he seems to be taking offense.
I don’t want to feel like the problem and the nuisance to my Fiance to further push him to want to be with A more and less of me, I understand my Fiance isn’t going to see what I see, exactly. What do I do? 🙁