- 7 years ago
I am in need of some outside advice on FI’s sisters as bridesmaids- hoping someone with experience in this realm can help.
Fiance has two sisters who are younger than I am, both recently married, one with child. You would expect some maturity there- but you would be WRONG. There has been a lot of tension between us since we met a few months ago for several reasons. The most salient reason is that the youngest sister asked me to be a bridemaid in her wedding, having only just met me, and then decided to not have me walk with her brother (my FI), who I rarely get to spend time with because he is in the Navy. Why? Fiance proposed the night before his sister’s wedding and I think his family took out their anger on me for this perceived “attenion grab”. Fiance had no such intention- he asked when he did because we’re both pressed for time and he had a few days off from work in the military on which we could be together. Additionally, FI’s family never congratulated us on our engagement and have generally treated me with rejection. I believe this is because I am a medical student, career- oriented, while the women of FI’s family have chosen more traditional, stay at home mom type lifestyle, and disapprove of me.
Beneath all of this is just a general culture clash- FI’s sisters are hard partying, wild and immature, the type to go out and get plastered in public and start fights, etc. (read: mildly trashy) ANYHOW-
I felt obligated to allow them to be in my wedding party and did- for the sake of peace with his family. They wait until the last minute to order Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses I picked. Go to the store with Father-In-Law and Mother-In-Law and everyone has a CRAZY SCREAMING/ CRYING FIT. Father-In-Law orders me to change the dresses and call him back or else- so does Mother-In-Law. FI’s sisters never call me to talk to me and instead never return my calls and just use their parents to issue ultimatums. I try to remain calm. But I’m literally being phoned multiple times, being yelled at like a child by my in laws and ordered to change the dresses even though other BMs have already ordered theirs. I’m just appalled. I don’t know how to deal with people who don’t play by the rules of common sense and common decency. In conclusion, Fiance isn’t talking to his folks and neither am I. The girls have stated they won’t be in the wedding unless I accomodate them. I would have been willing to, by the way, if they had approached me directly, and in a sane and rational way.
His sisters are WEDDING TERRORISTS. and I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
Furthermore, one sister has decided to hold a HUGE b-day bash for her daughter (a week after her actual b-day) the NIGHT before my wedding. She rented out the only available suite in the hotel where we were to spend our wedding night- preempting us!!! CRAZY! All the while, I don’t know what on earth I could have done in the two times I’ve seen her to provoke this. Fiance and I have never fought or broken up or hurt each other. I just don’t know.
I don’t want to be the one to disinvite them or force Fiance to do it. But I REALLY can’t imagine having peace on my wedding day with these girls in attendance let alone the wedding party.
HOW can I manipulate them to not come (all on their own) and wash my hands of this?
I was thinking- have Fiance call and say something like “I’m sending out the invites now. I presume you’re not coming. Why would you want to come anyway after all this?”. HELP!
The dress that launched a war (in navy blue). FI’s sisters complaints: (seriously, no joke) not enough cleavage- makes us look “flat”.