(Closed) FI’s sister..nightmare BM

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
4755 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

You shouldn’t have included her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If he wanted her in the wedding she should be standing up for him.

Post # 4
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

@msbeehave: You don’t sound selfish at all. You are obviously stressed, and unfortunately your Future Sister-In-Law seems like the root of the issue. She sounds… terrible to say the least. I know this sounds weird, but she sounds very passive aggressive-which is a big pain in the butt, however it is better than the plotting, maniacal Future Sister-In-Law that tries to sabotage your wedding. Put your foot down about the tea length dresses. Just say, “FSIL, I am really sorry that you are uncomfortable with showing your legs but I have had my heart set on tea-length dresses from the start. It would really mean a lot to me if you wore it for my and your brother’s big day.”

Secondly, you’re investing WAY too much emotion in this lady, who may or may not unstable lol. Start being all business with her. Do not let your feelings get hurt, ignore catty comments, just keep your eye on the prize (your FI).

Good luck and you will be able to breathe a sigh of relief when it is all said and done and you have the man of your dreams.

Post # 5
Member
46335 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You’re not sounding childish, but you are sounding like you are letting this woman’s problems be your problems.

You don’t have to live with her. You don’t even have to like her! Just carry on planning your wedding and your life together and don’t let her jaded view of the world suck the joy out of the experience.

Post # 7
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

That sucks!

I wish ppl would let you have your day and not think about it as if it is their day.. they are there to help you! No one will even be looking at her.. EVERYONE will be looking at how beautiful you are!!

and ppl arnt going to be looking at her legs.. besides most pics are of waist up. and if not they are from a distance.

DONT budge. dont change something for her that you wouldnt change for someone else.

Your wedding is about you not about your bridesmaids!

hope it sorts out enough so you dont have many problems.. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I understand that this is extrememly stressful for you, however with her currently going through a divorce you are now exposing what a big fat lie her life was and I am sure there is some resentment there. She just came out of a failed marriage. I can understand that she is not in the best frame of mind for your wedding. Please try looking at it from her point of view as well.

Post # 10
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

@vmec: I agree.

Why can’t she stand up on his side? Then she could do a different dress or whatever she wants. Of course the larger issue is that she’s going through a hard time that has nothing to do with you. Try to be as sensitive as you can until the wedding is over, and don’t take her outbursts or her comments personally.

Post # 12
Member
2095 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@msbeehave: Is it fair? Nope. But she is family. And for family you make certain allowances. If she had been a miserable biotch for years that would be one thing. But she is suffering now and not in a good place mentally. I understand that not having her in your wedding is not an option. So just grin and bear it. Have you ever gotten out of a failed relationship and been around a happy couple. It can be downright torutre. And you are in a happiness bubble that she cannot face at the moment. You will have to either accept it or not.

Post # 13
Member
7431 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I agree, she’s his sister, she should stand on his side. And sorry, but if she wants to part of the bridal party, she needs to wear what you want, because its your wedding. I understand she is going through a divorce, but that doesn’t mean you need to walk on eggshells around her.

 

@StormyRose: I think OP is trying to be as accomodating as possible. Divorce is hard, but there is no reason for the SIL to act the way she is. She could have simply asked the brother if he was sure he was doing the right thing, and when he said yes, she should have left it at that. 

Post # 14
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

You’re not being childish, she is.

You really should ask her not to be in the wedding party and save yourself some headache. Explain to her that you don’t feel she is being supportive of your marriage and you only want people standing up with you that fully support you and your Fiance. Tell her you would love her to be a part of the big day, but you don’t want to deal with all the stress that she is bringing.

Post # 15
Member
2289 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Perhaps your Fiance can take her aside and tell her that you’re both there for her and you love her, but you would appreciate it if she could keep the negative comments to the two of you to a minimum because they are hurtful.

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