- 7 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
A little background first:
Fiance grew up the oldest of 3 boys, and with one older sister. They are about a year apart but grew up very close. There parents divorced when they were young, and being the oldest two, they did alot for their mom and siblings. I am an only child, and their relationship is hard for me to understand due to that fact. Still though, from the beginning, I respected their relationship and have always been grateful Fiance is close to his family…till this whole wedding planning fiasco started…
His sister is coming out of her 2nd divorce and has a small child from that marriage. When Fiance started discussing wedding plans (before the ring) she pulled him aside and told him to be very sure before he proposed. This rubbed me the wrong way but I thought, “Ok, she’s bitter about marriage due to her situation and she doesn’t want her brother to get hurt”. I get it. Then comes the actual engagement. Fiance proposed a few months after we discussed with our families just thinking about getting married (we had talked about it between the two of us for about a year and a half) Even though the family figured it would come eventually, he didn’t tell anyone he was going to propose when he did. He asked me to text his sister–we were in another state on vacation–to tell her the news. I did and she didn’t respond. Then, when I changed my relationship status on Facebook to engaged, she commented with an extremely over the top “CONGRATS!!! I’M SO HAPPY THE TWO OF YOU ARE SO HAPPY TOGETHER, MY HEART IS FILLED TO THE TOP BECAUSE I AM JUST THRILLED FOR YOU GUYS. CANT IMAGINE TWO PEOPLE MORE MEANT TO BE!!!!!” This is very unlike her because she doesn’t show much excitement towards our relationship and never has.
A few weeks after we were engaged, we took a long weekend trip to the town he is from and went to have dinner at his aunt’s house. As soon as we got there everyone wanted to see my ring and hear his proposal story. His sister never once asked to look at the ring or told us congratulations. Keep in mind, we had not talked to her since the unanswered text message or the Facebook comment, which I hardly consider communicating. While we discussed with them what we planned to do for our wedding, she spent the entire time playing with her phone. I guess she had enough of hearing about it and suddenly burst in to tears complaining of a migraine. Everyone tended to her and the subject was dropped for the rest of the evening. This woman is 31 years old.
All that I’ve written could so far be considered selfish or childish on my part, until you hear this..none of the above would bother me, or even be noticed by me until this happened:
Fiance met up with his sister for lunch one weekend while I was spending time with an old friend. He comes home and tells me they had an okay lunch and didn’t want to say much more. I finally convinced him to tell me what was wrong and he says his sister pretty much kept pushing to make sure he wanted to marry me and begged him to tell her if he had been pressured (by me) into getting a ring. He repeatedly told her no and felt extremely uncomfortable. At the end of the lunch she said, “I do hope the two of you are happy, I just don’t believe in marriage so I don’t think you should have to marry the girl to make her happy. I hope you don’t think this is a forever thing”
UM—OK? So Fiance feels really odd about it all and leaves things as they are. He didn’t want to tell me originally because he knew my feelings would be hurt. He was right. The next time I saw her I wanted to scream. THEN I find out from FI’s first cousin, who they grew up with from birth basically, that his sister told the entire family when we bought our house she would’ve KILLED Fiance if he had put me on the loan because he shouldn’t trust me with something like that. Okay, I am on the loan, to show you how much she actually knows about our life.
It shouldn’t bother me because I know my fiance does not feel the same way his sister does, by any means, and I should only care about what he thinks. But the problem is, he wants his sister in our wedding party. Fine. Great. So, when asking my five girls to be bridesmaids, I made them all a sweet card telling them why I wanted them to be involved in the wedding and they all thanked me and were so excited. Even before I asked them, the four others constantly kept in touch with me asking wedding details because they genuinely care and want to help. Not FI’s sister. Tell me how this makes sense…she’s never discussed the wedding or our engagement to either of us–in fact, when we discuss it in front of her she changes the subject–yet, she made a comment to me, before I could ask her to be in the wedding, about what kind of dress she gets to wear. That’s right. She assumed she was walking in our wedding before I even asked her. Now she is making demands about the style of the dress because she “only feels comfortable in strapless”. She also can only wear her hair a certain way and she surely hopes I don’t make them all do the same hairstyles because their hair is different from hers..,etc.
She went from being totally uninterested in our wedding and everything short of trying to talk him out of it, now she wants to be so involved she’s making demands? NO thank you.
I nicely invited her to dress shop with me for my dress and for my Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. She opted out of both–for what reason, she wouldn’t say. We needed to hurry and pick one so they could be ordered because we are having a shorter than usual engagement. Now, she’s been texting me for days to go with her to get fitted for her dress and let me know she hopes it isn’t tea length because she hates her legs. I told her well in advance I was doing tea length dresses and wouldn’t budge on that. Now she is telling every member of their family she comes across that the dresses are lovely but I didn’t consider her body type or flaws so she’s getting depressed because she knows she will hate how she looks that day.
I know I am going on and on and probably sound pretty childish but with all the stress on my plate between wedding planning and my very demanding job, I just find it very hard to deal with a Bridesmaid or Best Man who doesnt’ even support us getting married in the first place! Fiance has talked to her about it recently and she gave the whole sob story about she’s divorced and doesnt want him to go through that. The problem is, he feels sorry for her and doesn’t want to push the subject anymore! I can understand a divorce is extremely difficult, but why can’t she just be happy for her brother?
I guess I am just venting more than looking for advice here. I know she won’t change. I know I will probably have to just suck it up and let go, but she’s making it very difficult to bite my tongue!