(Closed) FI’s Stepmom want to hand out her family’s invitations? What?!

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
4001 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’m so sorry if I’m missing something.  But what’s wrong with that?  It’s true that this isn’t common, at least to my knowledge, but as long as the invites are delivered, there seems to be no harm.  Sounds like she might be super excited and maybe she just also wants to make sure they get to everyone safely.  I don’t know that this is something to worry to much about.

Post # 4
Member
521 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

My Future Mother-In-Law is handed out some std and invites for his side of the family. We are also sending a bunch to his grandmother to hand out instead of shipping individually (in my offense, most of them live in the same building and/or she watches their children)

I’m kind of glad because it saves mucho money on postage :D.

Post # 5
Member
4385 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t think this is a big deal. She probably doesn’t think it’s a big deal either. It saves you money!! I’m sure if you told her you really want to actually mail them the invitation, she’d send you the addresses.

Post # 8
Member
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

One of my FI’s coworkers refused to give him his address after he asked for it multiple times.  Finally the coworker just told him to mail it to the station (they’re police officers).  I was so annoyed because Fiance doesn’t like this guy anyway but we have to invite him because we’re inviting the rest of his shift.  HOWEVER, we’re not inviting the whole station, so I don’t want to send it to the station.  Fiance is just sticking it in his coworker’s locker and crossing his fingers that he doesn’t come.

Post # 9
Member
5494 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2011

I guess I don’t see the big deal.  A lot of people just hand invitations out to those they see on a regular basis.  In some cultures you’re actually supposed to do this.

And actually I think it’s nice to see people’s faces when you give them the invite.  I wouldn’t make a big deal over this.  pick your battles.

Post # 10
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hmmm – that does seem a little strange. If she was seeing them all at an upcoming event or saw them on a weekly basis at church or something – I could understand. Is she going to hand deliver all the “Thank You” cards following the wedding as well? How about any future Christmas cards? It just makes sense that you would want addresses for the people who attend your wedding.

I would get Fiance to call or email everyone individually and request their address. I know its more work – but it might make things easier… 

Post # 11
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Is there anyone else you could get the addresses from? Are any of these folks on facebook or something? I think it’s definitely a red flag. I’m all for picking your battles… but this would probably be one I’d pick to fight because it sounds to me like she’s trying to stomp on toes for whatever reason. I don’t know the background but if it concerns you, follow your gut.

Post # 13
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

This is weird for sure.

I would hope she isn’t trying to prevent them from getting invitations all toghether, as in she would get them and never give them out or something equally crazy.

This is your FI’s side of the family, so you need to get him involved.  He should talk to her and his father and get this straightened out without you having to be the face of any of the drama.  Your Fiance has to have somebody on that side’s phone number (a step cousin or aunt or something) he can call if all else fails.

Good Luck!

Post # 14
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Whatever you do, don’t send them to her! Stick to your guns!

Post # 15
Member
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I wanted to post “pick your battles” too.  Two things are key, in my opinion: how much does it matter to you that the guests get the invite by mail and what’s the “worst case” scenario of her intentions?  Do you think she’s going to try to edit your guest list, and not deliver all the invites?  Do you think she’s going to make copies and invite other people?  Do you think she wants to hand them out just so it seems like she’s issuing the invitation, even though she’s not paying a dime?  Do you think she’ll forget and not hand them out until the day after the rsvp deadline?  My point is that you should think of what your worst (reasonable) fear is that she’ll do, and decide based on that if you really want to risk a throwdown over this.  If you think she just wants to claim credit, or something little like that, then I’d be tempted to let it go.  But, if you have a good reason to suspect a bigger issue might develop, then it’d be worth it to have your Fiance gently talk to her (she’s his stepmom, after all) or ask his dad to step in.  You guys are putting a lot of your own sweat and money into this wedding, and you should be able to have control over who gets invited and how.

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