(Closed) FI’s Stepmom want to hand out her family’s invitations? What?!

posted 9 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
2410 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I don’t really see why this is that weird, happens all the time. Just put them all in a bis USPS envelope and send. If it bothers you that much maybe talk it over, but I honestly have to say that it seems like a fairly minor thing to start some drama over.

Post # 18
Member
1545 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

My friend handed out her invitations and i thought it was a nice gesture handing them out personality. also, when she handed them out to some of her family members they offered a money donation towards the wedding.

Post # 19
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

I don’t see the problem in hand delivering them but she shouldn’t keep the addresses from you just to get her way, that is rude of her. If you really want to send them by mail it would be a good idea like you said to get a hold of those family members to get their addresses, plus it wont take that long because there are only a few. I wouldn’t rely on her to get them.

Post # 20
Member
466 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I am a total control freak, so I would be outraged about this, as well.  I wouldn’t want someone else having contol over sending out invitations.  Plus, I would want to have addresses on hand for sending thank you notes after the wedding. 

But as the other girls said, this might not be something worth making a big deal of.

Post # 21
Member
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

She needs to respect your method of sending them in my opinion. Plus, you’ll need the addresses for thank-you’s after the wedding. I would have your Fiance talk with her and explain that you want to mail them out. Good luck!!

Post # 22
Member
2029 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Emily Post says there is nothing wrong with a hand-delivered invitation, and I personally don’t think it’s strange at all. I honestly do not see why you are so upset. It’s such a small request.

Anyway, you will need the addressess eventually so that you can send thank-you notes and holiday cards to those people. She’ll probably give them to you if you just surrender the 6 invites to her.

Post # 23
Member
647 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you are getting upset over nothing.  Maybe it means something to her to hand deliver the invitations to her son’s wedding.  Who cares?  I say, pick your battles.  This is totally not worth the argument.  If you’re set on making a big fight over this, I’d have your Fiance deal with it and stay out of it.

Post # 24
Member
1440 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@mnmgirl08: I had a similar issue. Obviously, I’m asking for your mailing address for a reason. I know the company address, if I wanted to send it there I would. What, do you think I’m going to come stalk you. Bah!

Post # 25
Member
7753 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Honestly, I wouldn’t consider it a hill to die on.  I can see why it kind of irks you- but I would let her have this one.

Post # 26
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Hmmm….my first thought when I read your post is that maybe your Future Mother-In-Law wants the invitations so that she can give them to whoever SHE wants to as opposed to who YOU think they are going to.  I hope this is not the case, but have you had any arguments over the guest list with her before?  I would try to get the addresses from other family members if possible.  If your Future Mother-In-Law gets upset over this, I would just tell her that you appreciated her “offer” to hand deliver, but they have already been mailed.

Post # 27
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

While hand-delivered invitations (usually by the couple) are fine with regard to etiquette, I wonder the following:

1.  Should you receive a gift from any of these people, you will need their address to send a thank you note.

2.  Maybe this has changed, but years ago, it was the practice to send Christmas cards to those who attended your wedding.  You would need an address for those as well.

3.  You want all your guests to receive their invitations at the same time so no feelings will be hurt or people thinking that they are second string.

4.  If you give the invitations to your FSMIL, they you have no idea when they are handed out, and if they are being delivered to those on your list!

Just my thoughts.  I am a Future Mother-In-Law and I think it’s odd the FSMIL is holding addresses.  Try to have your Fiance help you with this.

Post # 28
Member
22 posts
Newbee

This is totally a control thing!  She is blackmailing you with the power of the addresses!

I have to say if this happened to me I would do everything in my power to get the addresses myself.  As people are saying you need to pick your battles, but on the other hand you don’t want to set a precedent that she has control over the wedding!  In fact, if you can get all the addresses yourself there won’t even be a battle.  You could just say, “Thanks for offering but we already sent them out!” with a big smile on your face.

Post # 29
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@futuremominlaw: my thoughts exactly.  no way of knowing who she actually gives them out to…

Post # 30
Member
3098 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

@futuremominlaw: I think you’re probably right on the money with that one.

Post # 31
Member
423 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I can kind of see about her not giving them out, but won’t there still be names on them? just no addresses?  So how could she give them out to randoms?

I’m gonna go with: not a big enough deal to start serious serious drama over, but see if she’ll give you the addresses if you send the invites.  If she is still being weird about it at that point, I’d say there is more going on.

The topic ‘FI’s Stepmom want to hand out her family’s invitations? What?!’ is closed to new replies.

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