(Closed) Fit In or Stand Out?

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Generally, do you want to
    Fit in : (56 votes)
    56 %
    Stand out : (44 votes)
    44 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    424 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I try to fit in (I’m a huge introvert) but I’m pretty sure I almost always end up standing out.  I don’t blend in very well. Anywhere that I can think of, at least ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 4
    Member
    9 posts
    Newbee

    I try to fit in !

    Post # 5
    Member
    2952 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 1998

    Definitely fit in:)

    Post # 6
    Member
    4495 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I used to try to fit in – probably up until I was about 24. Now I’d rather stand out and I find myself being turned off from things if they’re too common or popular.

    Post # 7
    Member
    1098 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    I’d rather stand out. I spent years trying to fit in and not make waves and for me it was diretly connected to my low self-esteem. At this point in my life I can honestly say I have very high self-esteem and with it went all my desire to fit in. I know there are a lot of things that make me stand out and I’m totally fine with that.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4275 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Stand out for the most part. Probably due to life experiences and my age.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I try to fit in. Or maybe more accurately, I try to blend in.

    I don’t always or usually do what is popular, but I don’t make a big deal out of how I am different than other people. So I am content to be different but I don’t really want other people to notice or make a big deal out of it.

    I used to get picked on as a kid, alot! so I am very self conscious about people seeing that I am different than them. I don’t want to stand out, at all.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2902 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Hmm I have always tried to fit in but have never been very successful. So I guess I stand out but not really on purpose. Perhaps I should embrace it a bit more ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 11
    Member
    6359 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Complicated!!

    Ideally, I want to fit in. I want a tribe to belong to.

    Yet, I stand out. And, I am fiercely proud of standing out.

    The reason is… I have never found a group that didn’t require me to adjust, at least partially, my likes, opinions, speech mannerisms, clothing style, etc., to be more similar to the dominant group members. Even though those are not things that inherently appeal to me. I’m supposed to do it as a social lubricant… so we all look somewhat the same, our tribe matches each other.

    I can’t do it. It feels shameful to think about artificially trying to change my own preferences and beliefs to be better integrated into a group.

    I’m a very grounded person…strong sense of “who I am.” This got me through some very tough times as a kid. So it’s very valuable to me. I don’t want to lose it. If I start trying to pretend I like something I don’t…I’m making a fake me, and soon even I am at risk of getting confused which “me” is the real one and which one is fake. I’m starting to chop at my roots, become less grounded. No.

    So I don’t change to better blend into the group. I stand out. It’s not as relaxing as fitting in. The different ones always get more friction. But, I can handle it.

    It’s not always pleasant superficially, but in a deeper way, I feel proud of myself that I don’t buckle under the pressure. I get used to feeling pressure and friction and get stronger because of it. My skin keeps getting thicker and it keeps getting easier and easier for me. Decades have passed. It’s pretty much a done battle now…my skin is very thick now (except to my loved ones, who can actuallly cut me very easily because I keep them so close to my heart, but I trust them there.) So, it’s actually quite enjoyable being me these days, even when I stick out like a giant sore thumb.

    But my silly wish? That I will find a group that I will fit into without being required to artificially change myself to match the dominant members. Maybe this group would be very similar to me so I “blend in” naturally… or maybe it would be a proudly “mixed bag” that truly takes pride in its diversity and doesn’t just pay it lip service while sublty applying pressure to assimilate. But in my experience, neither of those type of groups exist. But that’s OK.

    I “fit in”…fully…with my closest friends, and my Fiance. And that’s enough for me. I will probably never find an entire group of strangers that I “fit in” with like that. But my thick skin means I will have a great time anyway ๐Ÿ™‚ 

    Post # 12
    Member
    6015 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I tried to fit in until … probably HS graduation when I left the suburbs.  Now … I’d rather stand out.  I’m one of five kids, I’m pretty sure that’s why.  

    Post # 13
    Member
    3429 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    Both. I have to “fit in” at work otherwise I’d be lynched. Corporate America go figure. Personally I like to stand out. I hate the idea of following the Sheeple. Boring

    Post # 14
    Member
    3053 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I’m with a PP, I just want to “blend in” not necessarily “fit in”…I’m not going to change who I am or act like I like things I don’t like, agree with things I don’t agree with, or act different in general just to “fit in” but I don’t want to stand out. I just want to blend in, sometimes be noticed, but not often & just do what I want. I’m almost exactly 50/50 introvert/extrovert. I’m an extrovert because I’m energized after big social events but I’m also a homebody & not social the majority of the time and not someone who needs a million friends. I have moments when I want to be around “people” but most of the time I just want my SO & my pup

    ETA: that’s in my social life. In my job I work hard to be noticed for my quality of work, so in that case I like to stand out from my coworkers. but it’s not the same to me at all

    Post # 15
    Member
    2117 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Stand out. but in a positive way. like wonder woman. standing out in a way thats fitting in. does that make sense.  Maybe cuz im feel like im an “Alfa”. dont know why but later in life i realized im very competetive. in most things in life. without really meaning to be. im kinda spoiled though to. we got to travel a lot growing up. from alaska to downsouth. it sorta kept me in the spot light. i did get tease for being different as a kid but as i got older. it seems like my energy draws people. ive always felt like a natural leader. like i could do anything if i wanted. or at least thats what i tell myself enough to believe it ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Post # 16
    Member
    741 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Stand out. I think it takes a lot of courage to be comfortable with yourself and how you live your life, and I really have a high respect for people who are like that. With fitting in, exactly who is deciding what is fitting in? Everybody is going to have their opinion on how you should live your life, but I think at the end of the day you need to be true to yourself. I also think standing out doesn’t mean you are antisocial, you can still be warm and inviting while still maintaining your own values. 

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