Post # 1
I am getting married in 3 weeks – second wedding for both of us, and one of the highlights is that we have all of our children in the wedding party. My bridesmaids are my two daughters and his two daughters (ages 15-23), and groomsmen are his two brothers, my son, and a friend.
My fiance had a child when he was very young, and that child was adopted and raised by the mother’s aunt/uncle. He and the child had contact a few times about 10 years ago, but a relationship didn’t develop. They have very recently come into contact again and are developing a relationship.
So my fiance’s son will be attending the wedding, and we are trying to find a ‘place’ to include him in the wedding party/ceremony. At this late stage I don’t want to add another bridesmaid to make him a groomsman, and he’s 28 years old so I don’t know that making him a ring bearer would be a good idea (although he’d be willing to do it lol).
He lives in another city so our wedding weekend will be the first time that most of my fiance’s family meet him. So obviously we’re a bit concerned that alot of attention will be going to him and the situation. We want to include him, but don’t know him very well yet and don’t want the attention focused too much away from us and our special day. And our other children. But we do want to acknowledge him in some way and have him be a part of the wedding.
Post # 3
In my opinion it seems like the easiest and most appropriate thing would be to add him as a groomsman. It shows that you are giving him the same courtesy as your own children, and doesn’t single him out as being different. There is no need to have the same number of groomsmen as bridesmaids, so I wouldn’t worry about that a bit! And short of doing a song and dance number ;), he won’t take any attention away from you or your fiance during the ceremony!
Post # 4
if he has any sense of humor at all i would make him a flower girl. if he can ham it up, all the better.
male flower girl: http://offbeatbride.com/2008/08/dana-jay-bein#referrer
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2009 - Rancho Bernardo Inn
We have more groomsmen then bridesmaids. Our bridesmaids are walking down the aisle by themselves but then after the ceremony will be escorted by a groomsman. One girl will just have 2! We also had another friend we wanted to include and he will be an usher.
Post # 6
I am having two bridesmaids and he is having one best man. Things don’t have to match anymore. If I were him I would NOT want to be an usher, that requires introductions, small talk and the big question of who is this guy. He may not even feel comfortable as a groomsman since the relationship is in the early stages of development. Maybe he is just listed in the program as honoray groomsman or something.
Bottom line what does your FH want? If he wants him to stand up with him then regardless of the balance of attendants that is the right thing to do.
Post # 7
I think if ALL of your children will be up there with you, it is only respectful that he be up there as well. After all he is your FH’s Son. If he’s willing to be the ring bearer I think that’s a great way to fit him in! (and I also dont think your bridal party needs to be even)
While your family is gathering to celebrate you as a couple I think its important that you and your FH recognize that this is a big moment in his son’s life as well. I can’t imagine meeting people I am blood-related to for the first time. The more sensitive you are to his feelings the better the long-term relationship will be.
Congrats to you all as your family moves in this new direction!
Post # 8
Could he do a reading? To me that’s a very special role, even more so if he has a hand in selecting the piece…
Post # 9
I don’t think you need to have even numbers. If you think he should be a groomsman, do it! 🙂
Post # 10
I agree with Ms. Meg, a reading would be a nice way to include him. We’ve asked my brother to do a reading because I thought having him read would be a nice way to include him in a special way, rather than having him stand next to my fiance’s friends, who he does not know.
Alternatively, I see nothing wrong with having an extra groomsman. There is no rule that sides have to be equal!
Post # 11
I don’t think it needs to be even. I would make him a groomsman
I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask him to do a reading. Talk about putting him on the spot. If this is the first time he’s ever met his extended family, he’s got way more than enough pressure on him without adding in reading at his bio-dad’s wedding!
Post # 12
I agree with Ms. Meg. While, yes, he is your FH’s son, they only recently became close. If he is involved in some way it shouldn’t matter, but feeling like you have to make him a groomsmen just because all the other children are isn’t particularly the easy answer. No, it’s not the guy’s fault he was adopted, but this is how the situation is. I guess the question is, is your FH’s 28 year-old son asking to be a groomsman or just wants to be involved? If he just wants to be involved, then stick with something that doesn’t put him in a position to explain to everyone as they enter the church/ceremony site who he is and the long story. THAT will be what takes away from the reason of the day. Also, is it possible he could attend the rehearsal dinner? Maybe that way all the family can meet him then and it not be such a "thing" on the actual wedding day.
Post # 13
That’s great you guys have such a big family to participate in all of this. The wedding party definitely does not have to match up, so I would either suggest just adding him as a groomsman or having him to a reading or being an usher. If he doesn’t want to do anything, just acknowledge him in the program somehow.
Post # 14
You could have him do a reading.. We had an extra male in our upcoming wedding too & decided to have him read the Irish Wedding Blessing and put him in the same suit as the groomsmen, he’s very excited to do it and feels as much a part as anyone else!
Post # 15
I don’t think it is necessary to have both sides even! Make him a groomsman if you want. If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, a reading is also a good way to go!
Post # 16
I agree with other commenters – either make him a groomsmen and not worry about having the same number of bridesmaids, or (my fave idea) make him a flower girl/guy… LOVED the flower guy from offbeat bride..