(Closed) Fitting an extra adult male into wedding party?

posted 9 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 3
Member
157 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

In my opinion it seems like the easiest and most appropriate thing would be to add him as a groomsman.  It shows that you are giving him the same courtesy as your own children, and doesn’t single him out as being different.    There is no need to have the same number of groomsmen as bridesmaids, so I wouldn’t worry about that a bit!   And short of doing a song and dance number ;), he won’t take any attention away from you or your fiance during the ceremony!

Post # 5
Member
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009 - Rancho Bernardo Inn

We have more groomsmen then bridesmaids.  Our bridesmaids are walking down the aisle by themselves but then after the ceremony will be escorted by a groomsman.  One girl will just have 2!  We also had another friend we wanted to include and he will be an usher. 

Post # 6
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

I am having two bridesmaids and he is having one best man. Things don’t have to match anymore. If I were him I would NOT want to be an usher, that requires introductions, small talk and the big question of who is this guy. He may not even feel comfortable as a groomsman since the relationship is in the early stages of development. Maybe he is just listed in the program as honoray groomsman or something.

Bottom line what does your FH want? If he wants him to stand up with him then regardless of the balance of attendants that is the right thing to do.

Post # 7
Member
484 posts
Helper bee

I think if ALL of your children will be up there with you, it is only respectful that he be up there as well. After all he is your FH’s Son. If he’s willing to be the ring bearer I think that’s a great way to fit him in! (and I also dont think your bridal party needs to be even)

While your family is gathering to celebrate you as a couple I think its important that you and your FH recognize that this is a big moment in his son’s life as well. I can’t imagine meeting people I am blood-related to for the first time. The more sensitive you are to his feelings the better the long-term relationship will be.

Congrats to you all as your family moves in this new direction!

Post # 8
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Could he do a reading?  To me that’s a very special role, even more so if he has a hand in selecting the piece…

Post # 9
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I don’t think you need to have even numbers.  If you think he should be a groomsman, do it! 🙂

Post # 10
Member
52 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with Ms. Meg, a reading would be a nice way to include him. We’ve asked my brother to do a reading because I thought having him read would be a nice way to include him in a special way, rather than having him stand next to my fiance’s friends, who he does not know.

Alternatively, I see nothing wrong with having an extra groomsman. There is no rule that sides have to be equal!

Post # 11
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I don’t think it needs to be even. I would make him a groomsman

I don’t think it’s a good idea to ask him to do a reading. Talk about putting him on the spot. If this is the first time he’s ever met his extended family, he’s got way more than enough pressure on him without adding in reading at his bio-dad’s wedding!

Post # 12
Member
944 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with Ms. Meg.  While, yes, he is your FH’s son, they only recently became close.  If he is involved in some way it shouldn’t matter, but feeling like you have to make him a groomsmen just because all the other children are isn’t particularly the easy answer.  No, it’s not the guy’s fault he was adopted, but this is how the situation is.  I guess the question is, is your FH’s 28 year-old son asking to be a groomsman or just wants to be involved?  If he just wants to be involved, then stick with something that doesn’t put him in a position to explain to everyone as they enter the church/ceremony site who he is and the long story.  THAT will be what takes away from the reason of the day.  Also, is it possible he could attend the rehearsal dinner?  Maybe that way all the family can meet him then and it not be such a "thing" on the actual wedding day.

Post # 13
Member
337 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

That’s great you guys have such a big family to participate in all of this. The wedding party definitely does not have to match up, so I would either suggest just adding him as a groomsman or having him to a reading or being an usher. If he doesn’t want to do anything, just acknowledge him in the program somehow.

Good luck!

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: July 2009

You could have him do a reading.. We had an extra male in our upcoming wedding too & decided to have him read the Irish Wedding Blessing and put him in the same suit as the groomsmen, he’s very excited to do it and feels as much a part as anyone else!

Post # 15
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I don’t think it is necessary to have both sides even!  Make him a groomsman if you want.  If you don’t feel comfortable doing that, a reading is also a good way to go!

Post # 16
Member
225 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I agree with other commenters – either make him a groomsmen and not worry about having the same number of bridesmaids, or (my fave idea) make him a flower girl/guy… LOVED the flower guy from offbeat bride..

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