Post # 1
So, my wedding is a couple weeks away and my parents have graciously offered to host a rehearsal dinner the night before. Well, my bridesmaids are starting to totally FLAKE on me. I have one Maid/Matron of Honor and 5 BMs, and so far 2 of them have told me they can’t make it to rehearsal or dinner. I know my wedding is not a huge priority for everyone, but it makes me sad that as BMs, they won’t be there for rehearsal. I haven’t asked much from them. My Maid/Matron of Honor threw me an incredible bachelorette party, but no one even thought to throw a bridal shower for me (I’m totally ok with that). To me, part of “standing up” as a Bridesmaid or Best Man is to be there for the rehearsal! We’re rehearsing the ceremony that THEY’RE going to be in after all! I have been a Bridesmaid or Best Man several times, and I’ve always made the time for rehearsals (even taking the day off if necessary). It just makes me sad that my friends aren’t reciprocating the gesture.
Also, a couple of FI’s groomsmen won’t be at the rehearsal either. Right now, I’m thinking “what’s the point in even having one now?? Might as well call the whole rehearsal off!”
Has anyone gone through this?? Am I over-reacting? Please comfort me, lol.
Post # 3
Oh, I don’t think you are overreacting, I would be disappointed also. I think the rehersal dinner is pretty important, but if only two are missing, then it will probablly be ok. The others will hopefully help out at the wedding and let them know what they missed!
Post # 4
I’d be upset too if I were you. The whole point of the rehearsal is so people in the wedding party know what’s going on day of. What are their reasons for not be able to attend? Unless you have some sort of ridiculous circumstance, it’s part of the deal when you accept to be in the wedding party that you make it to the rehearsal and the dinner the day before.
Post # 5
That sounds so frustrating. But don’t let their flakiness ruin it for you. Just try not to stress, and enjoy a great rehearsal dinner with the people who are taking the time to be there for you!
Post # 6
You should sit down and have a conversation with each person face-to-face if possible. Maybe they just don’t know what the point of a rehearsal dinner is? Explain to them why it’s so important that they be there, and hopefully they will come around.
Post # 7
I’m one of those people who thinks you really shouldn’t expect a lot from your bridesmaids… BUT.. this is unacceptable. They need to be there for the rehearsal so they know what to do on the wedding day. It shouldn’t be a surprise to them that they will need to be available the night before your wedding. I also suggest you sit down with each one and let them know why it’s so important that they attend. Since the rehearsal and the dinner aren’t during business hours I see no reason why they can’t make it work to be there.
Post # 8
So here’s more of the backstory.
One of the BMs told me a long time ago that she won’t make it to rehearsal because she has another wedding that Friday… I’m totally ok with that since it’s a family affair and that’s a legitimate excuse.
The other one I just heard from today (hence, the sadness). I mailed out rehearsal dinner invites last week, and I just casually brought it up in conversation today “oh did you get our invite?” She said “yeah it’s so cute! Sorry we (she and her FI) can’t make it since our flight gets in at 10:30 pm.: Btw, I had written all the bridesmaids about this rehearsal and dinner (just to save the date) at least 2-3 months ago via email. I mean, she’s coming from the East Coast and all, which makes me *sorta* understand… but come on! As a Bridesmaid or Best Man, it’s like an unwritten rule to have to be at the rehearsal, isn’t it?? Last year she and I were BMs for our other friend and it was a semi-destination wedding. We were BOTH there for the rehearsal even though we had to take the day off!
Oh, and all of my BMs are married or have been in multiple wedding parties… trust me, they’re experts.
Post # 9
Yeah, that’s frustrating. I’m like you. I’d move mountains to make it to the necessary stuff when I’m a Bridesmaid or Best Man. But sometimes ppl do have good excuses. I don’t know about the 10:30pm flight. Maybe could they not get the day off work? Maybe they were out of vacation days?
Post # 10
OK the girl with the other wedding gets a pass… the other one does not. I always take off the day before a wedding if I’m in the wedding party so I can travel early and attend all the pre wedding events.. I bet she can move her flight if you tell her how important it is to you.
Post # 11
That is a bummer, I’m sorry they’re letting you down. I can see why you’d be upset, I would be too. I understand that people have lives outside of our weddings, but when they give excuses that can be avoided- I get disappointed. But you will still have fun at the rehearsal and the dinner! And they’ll be there for the most important day, yay!
Post # 12
Thanks for the support ladies. I’m very happy that my BMs will be by my side on my wedding day… that’s really what’s most important, and I should keep that in perspective. 🙂
I feel like a brat, but I appreciate all your kind, supportive words.
Post # 13
I’m in the same boat as you- I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man who has a family wedding the same night as my rehersal dinner. I’ve known about this for a long time, and she will be at the rehersal. Her roommate, another BM, tried to tell me that she was going to go to that wedding too (“But they invited me so that I wouldn’t feel left out!”) to which I said, “Um, NO, it’s not YOUR family wedding, you don’t even know the couple getting married!” I think she realized how silly that whole idea was at that point 🙂
So I get it. And yeah, your Bridesmaid or Best Man whose flight won’t be there in time should have tried to make it, but maybe she couldn’t take more time off work? Maybe that was the best flight available? At least she’s there for the wedding… keep telling yourself that, I think it helps a little. 🙂
Post # 14
Ah yeah… I have 2 Maid/Matron of Honor and 2 Bridesmaid or Best Man… my one Maid/Matron of Honor told me today she won’t be going to try on dresses tomorrow – like we’ve planned for the past month… for some dumb reason. Shes a total flake. I’m kicking myself for thinking she’d behave any differently for my wedding. Its only just begun!
You have every right to be irritated… I mean, there are some valid reasons, but really in a matter of a couples months, brides require a few days of their BPs time… and accepting the Maid/Matron of Honor or Bridesmaid or Best Man title means that they’ll be there for you and make it a fun and less stressful experience… not the other way around. 🙁