Post # 1
Looking for some advice.
We are having a destination wedding next June. We recently sent out our invites requesting RSVPs no later than December 31. This is because we have about 25 friends who we still want to invite but the venue has a very strict capacity of 50 people. Our initial wave was 60 invites. I expect anywhere from 35 to 50 of those to RVSP ‘yes’
One of my good friends, let’s call her Anne, went through a break up recently with John. Both me and my fiance are also really good friends with John. Unfortunately, it is out the question for them both to attend a destination wedding; it would result in extreme discomfort given their 8 year history. It was an easy decision to choose Anne as our guest because she was my friend originally, and our friendship with John was a result of that.
In early conversations about the wedding, Anne was really excited and made it clear it was a priority for her. Now she’s decided to do a bunch of travelling from January until Spring. She implied that it’s very unlikely she’ll be able to attend our wedding at this point, but she won’t be able to give a concrete answer until much closer to the date.
This is frustrating for three reasons:
1) Anne is notoriously flakey and I’m 90% certain she will not be coming to the wedding.
2) We have other guests we would like to invite but we need other spots to free up and give them ample notice to plan a trip.
3) We want to invite John, but can’t do that until Anne has officially declined (otherwise I know she would be offended by my insensitivity).
Both of them are awesome, reasonable people who we love greatly. I don’t want to offend Anne, not because she would fly off the handle, but because her friendship means a great deal to me. I also want John to feel supported and loved. He has so few friends in town (moved across the world to be with Anne) and I can tell our friendships mean a lot to him.
What would you do? Tell Anne she needs to RSVP by December 31 like everyone else? Explain the situation to John? Explain the situation to Anne? I would hate to end up with neither of them at the wedding just because we were afraid to offend someone.
Post # 3
I’d tell her you need an rsvp by dec 31st. If she can’t commit by then, invite john.
Post # 4
Also, explain to her that if she RSVPs NO at the end of Dec but has a change of mind coming june(obviously pending a spot being open) that she is welcome to come(provided you want her there) but to keep in mind that John will likely be there.
Post # 5
I think it’s unfair to ask someone to RSVP 6 months in advance. Maybe give her until March? Three months is ample time to plan a trip.
Post # 6
If you set an rsvp date, you stick by the rsvp date. If she doesnt respond by then, you invite the other.
Also… you are bound to get more no’s then yes. So I would still invite John. There are more chances that someone else will pull out rather than her. If she does decide to attend, she should respect your wishes that John is still a friend. If shes a friend, she will support you rather than whose there and whose not there. If shes a true friend she will be like. Well thats cool – we can be adults and get along.
I think John sounds mature enough that he wont cause drama if both of them are there.
Anyway, my two cents.
Post # 7
The December 31 deadline is 5 months from the wedding date.
I plan to crack down on any outstanding RSVPs in January, and send out the second wave of invitations by Feb 1 – which is only 4 months from the wedding date. If I were on the second wave list, I would be chapped to receive an invitation to a destination wedding that was less than 4 months away. The other problem is, come January, Anne will be deep into her travels and I’m sure my wedding will be the last thing on her mind, so I don’t see a decision coming to her any easier in March (which would also be too late to invite someone in her place).
Thank you for your two cents! It really does help 🙂
That is totally what I was leaning towards doing! It helps coming from someone else.
Post # 8
I’m having a destination wedding as well and we sent out invites early august 2012 for our wedding June 2013. Everyone had until Oct 1st to rsvp if they were booking with the group. I also told anyone not booking with the group that we needed to know by March if they would be attending as we need to let the resort know our numbers.
So def dont think you’re sending them out too early. If it was a local wedding then you’d be pretty early but its not. Stick with your plan- Give her until dec 31st if not invite John and if she is avail to attend in June just give her a heads up on the circumstances .