Flakey Friendor – Am I being too demanding?

posted 2 years ago in Flowers
  • poll: What would you do?
    Fire her & hire someone else : (23 votes)
    74 %
    Relax & let her do her thing : (0 votes)
    Get her to commit to an order date and ask for a refund if she misses it : (8 votes)
    26 %
    other : (0 votes)
  • Post # 2
    2130 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - Chateau Lake Louise

    View original reply
    Charliejeorge :  So, I think at this point, i would call the $300 a life lesson and try to book someone else.

    Just ask yourself this; if this were a conventional vendor, would you be satisfied with this service? If you would be inclined to move on, and find someone you feel you can rely on, I would do so in this case as well.  

    Clearly this isn’t a priority for her. Even if her initial intentions were good, her actions have shown repeatedly that she’s not super committed to providing you the service she offered. Knowing she has a history of being unreliable just underscores the possibility she could just completely fail to deliver. 

    I wouldn’t bother to confront her. I would just say “Hey, with everything you have going on with your mom (even if it’s a lie, it serves you to behave like it’s the truth) I don’t feel good about asking you to take any time away to work on my wedding. I went ahead and booked someone else. You can get my deposit back to me whenever works for you.”

    It’s slightly passive aggressive, but when someone dodges responsibility with lies, I find the best approach is to act like they are telling you the gospel truth, and you just want to make everything as easy as possible for them. 

    She has done nothing to earn the benefit of the doubt here, and if she gets upset, this outcome is a direct result of her behavior. Tough noogies.

    I wouldn’t want to rely on this person to make sure my wedding came out the way I wanted. I’d make sure to act to ensure a professional had my best interest at heart. She plainly does not. 


    Post # 3
    690 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2019 - City, State

    View original reply
    Charliejeorge :  I would tell her she’s made you really stressed an anxious about having her complete the flowers for the weddign based off her not responding, asking for your email multiples times after it being given and not-real looking invoice.

    I would tell her that while her offer was very generous, you really need this not to be more stressful for you and you will be having someone else do the florals. Then hire someone else to do them.

    It’s generally not a good idea to have a “friend” be a vendor. “Friendors” can be great for budget, but you have a lot less recourse if you are unhappy with how they do things and can end up in situations like this or worse. Better to go with a professional who understands your expectations. 

    Post # 6
    4767 posts
    Honey bee

    I am not an expert.  I’ve just dealt with florists a lot and have a neighbor who was a florist.

    Is the date in your profile accurate?  You’re getting married in November?  Because her story of placing the order early to get a deal just doesn’t really ring true to me.

    Flowers have two things going against them – they are seasonal and perishable.  Unless you’re talking about she was getting all fake flowers for you…flowers aren’t really an early bird gets the worm sort of thing.  I can’t order my peonies in spring while they are cheap and get a discount for ordering early when peonies are out of season in November and if you can even get them they will be shipped from afar and more expensive.  Likewise, weather can have a huge impact on availability and price in a couple of different ways.  A couple years ago, florists couldn’t get in their shipments from South America because Hurricane Irma badly damaged the ports in Florida they needed to go through causing a shortage.  Last year, the volcanic eruptions and excessive rain caused a shortage of tropical flowers from Hawaii.  It’s an industry with lots of variability in pricing and availability without a lot of predictability.  And of course you can’t store flowers indefinitely.

    Florists take your order early so they can plan their future orders accordingly.  But there is a reason nearly every florist contract has a clause allowing the florist to substitute flowers at their discretion.  If their shipment of lilies looks really lackluster they are going to substitute.  If you’re operating under a “give me this look for no more than $X per arrangement” deal and suddenly a hurricane hits and the price of one of the flowers that was going to be used skyrockets out of your budget, they are going to substitute.

    So honestly, I would move on.  She’s sketchy at best and you should never be operating without a contract.  Just tell her you’re going in a different direction.  Hopefully she will refund you without much hassle, but be prepared to eat the cost.


    ETA:  For example, I just went to a common bulk flower site many use for DIY arrangements.  I can order peonies now for November, but the site already has the exact same flowers priced $80 more for November delivery than if I wanted June delivery and they are already priced $240 more for February delivery compared to June delivery.  Seasonality and availability are far bigger factors than her getting an order in early.  My guess is she needed your deposit to finish her kitchen remodel.

    Post # 7
    6119 posts
    Bee Keeper

    Call me a jerk but I’d find another vendor.  How many times did you give her your email? Too many. I’d be done if I were you. And get a contract from the next place. I’d send a quick thank you but we’re moving in a new direction and please refund me my $300 text. 

    Then truly move on. You might not get the $300 back but that’s better than a floral disaster on your wedding day. 

    Post # 9
    7222 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    Charliejeorge :  The things you tolerate from a friend are very different from the things you expect from a business relationship. I wouldn’t even think of it as wanting to keep her from being angry with you, I’d personally think of it as doing us both a service and preserving her from my own wrath.

    She has already been inconsistent and less reliable than you would prefer. She may be doing that, in part, because she feels like she’s doing you a favor by giving you such a great deal – so she’s treating this more casually than she would a “job job”.

    Do what is going to alleviate your stress for the day. You’ll be glad you did!

    Post # 10
    5705 posts
    Bee Keeper

     Here’s a rule to follow: “I’ll do it for you for cost” means hold on to your wallet you’re about to be scammed. Anyone who is any good at anything wants to be paid. She fed you a line and you swallowed it, but now you’re coming to your senses. My guess is she was a few hundred dollars short somewhere and you fixed that for her. Definitely get someone else and tell her you want your deposit back. If she hasn’t bought anything you should get it back. If not, call it a life lesson. Another rule: In this life, you get what you pay for. Don’t be swayed by the ultra-cheap deal. There’s always a catch. Always.

    Post # 12
    17 posts
    • Wedding: September 2020 - Las Vegas, NV

    It is incredibly unprofessional to give personal reasons why you can’t follow through on a service you say you’ll provide as a professional business person. The first time she said her fridge died, I think I would have scrunched up my face like, “Did I really need to know or care that your fridge died?” No(-even as an acquaintance) Especially since you got proof she was lying. It’s beginning to sound alot like she’s padding her wallet for kitchen renovation money and there may be others she’s scamming. Totally not your problem however, it is your money. Small claims court could be useful if you choose not to swallow it. Hugs!

    Post # 14
    175 posts
    Blushing bee

    Keep in mind that there are quite a few vendors out there who could use a lot of improvement in the communication department but will come through with a truly inspired end result — that said, this sounds as if it’s the wrong fit for you. I would send her an email along these lines, “Over the last few months, I have come to realize that I would like to be more involved in the process of selecting wedding florals than I had initially thought, and I would not be comfortable micromanging or requesting extensive consultations when I am receiving services at cost (especially considering your recent string of misfortunes).”

    Post # 15
    351 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    Charliejeorge :  She sounds like a flake. I wouldn’t risk not getting your order on your wedding day, that’d only stress you out more. The money you spend on a real wedding florist is worth the piece of mind.

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