Post # 1
So I mostly just need to vent
I recently graduated college and most of my friends including myself moved to different states over the course of the last year. We went to college in NC and I moved to SC, one friend went to Boston, a few to VA and my best friend moved to the coast of NC which is currently about 5.5 hours drive away from me. I’ve made zero friends since I moved here in November and haven’t seen my best friend/MOH since september so I’m dying to just have a girls day or even just go do something with someone other than my SO (I love him dearly but I’m desperate for some female interation).
Almost two months ago I asked my Maid/Matron of Honor what weekend she had free for me to come up and see her-I was open to litterally any weekend, she said she was free in three weekends so I told her to mark her calendar I was coming! A week out she texted me and said something came up, let’s push it back a week which was fine. The next week I text her on tuesday making sure we’re still set for the weekend and she cancels yet again, this time because her little sister and her bf want to come for spring break with the whole family so there’s not enough room for me. Her parents own the house even though she lives there on her own and pays rent when they’re not using it for a beach house they get to dictate when she can have friends over and they take priority. This girl is 22 and has always completely let her parents rule her life to a point of ridiculousness so I wasn’t shocked but definitely pissed at this point- this had been planned for weeks! She then tells me that next weekend and the week after are free for sure so I ask again today if her weekend is still clear, surprise surprise she has some dance thing for work she has to go to and forgot she made plans with her boyfriend but next weekend is free! Well next weekend I’m meeting with wedding vendors and I won’t have another chance to go until well after the wedding (in May).
I’m literally in tears at work that she has blown me off yet again even though I knew deep down this would happen-which is exactly why I didn’t even try to invite her to come see me which she keeps making empty promises to do. She has always done this and we lived together our first two years of college so it wasn’t an issue when she would back out or have to leave to cater to her parents needs but she has since backed out on my birthdays, weekends to come over, lunch dates etc. She manages to make it for big important events (my night out for my 21st, graduation, important football games) and I know she has my bachelorette planned for the end of April and I know she’ll be there for my rehearsal/wedding but I’m just so disappointed and fed up with her being so flakey.
I miss my social life so much and she was the center of it. I know the obvious answer is to make new friends here but it’s so hard when I don’t have girlfriend to go be adventurous with. I’m so shy and afraid of judgement when I don’t have a buddy to do things with that my buddy is always my Fiance now or I do things like shopping or getting my nails done by myself. Today is just a rough day and I was already feeling jipped that nobody has offered to throw me a bridal shower (gift grabby, I know but I still feel shorted on the whole bridal experiance). My bridesmaids have been zero help with wedding planning and will only make it here the day before the wedding where as all the groomsmen are taking the whole week off to come spend time with my Fiance and help out. The Fiance has been awesome at picking up their slack but he has zero opinions on which shade of table cloth I pick or what bracelet I wear and can only do so much.
I’m so not the type to pitch a fit or point out that this whole weekend thing is completely rude so I just say “oh well” and move on but this time it’s really gotten to me. Thanks for reading my pity party
Post # 2
Rafissch: Moving and making new friends can be hard. It can also make other situations seem worse when you have yet to make new friends.
Having said that, why do you expect new behavior from a friend you have had for years?
“She has always done this “
Time for you to work on making some new friends where you live. Winter is hard because people don’t get out as much, but spring is on its’ way. There are meetup groups for everything, everywhere. Find one for an interest or hoby that you have. Meet some new women, invite them to go for coffee after the activity.
Post # 3
Rafissch: I know how you feel. I have had a couple friends like this and eventually they just fizzle out. I know it’s hard to make new friends in a new town. That’s what I’m going through right now. I’m trying to make friends from work, and I starting joining local workout groups and pick up sports… maybe that’s an option for you?
I also know what you mean about feeling jaded about the whole bridal experience, damn you tv and movies! I def had different expectations. We decided to get married at home so have the ‘whole experience’, except it was way more work than it was worth. My wedding events were poorly planned and sad… at my bachelorette there was no reference to me getting married! lol.. my moh went MIA and nothing was planned. My point, it can always be worse! 🙁
I’m sorry you feel alone, hopefully you’re able to make some new friends soon!
Post # 4
You need to make new friends, hopefully less flaky ones. Try meetup.com and find people with common interests locally, so you know you’ll have something to talk about. You might try couples meetups as well, so you don’t have to feel nervous going alone and maybe your Fiance can make new friends as well.
I did that when I moved to a new city and have now made friends with a girl I know is going to be one of my bridesmaids when I get married. I used to be super shy as well, but she was an outgoing person so we compliment each other.
Post # 5
I’m so sorry your friends are being crappy to you!! They should be making a big deal about you during this time… your Maid/Matron of Honor should be planning your shower – are you sure maybe she is, and it isn’t just a surprise?? I think it is usually a surprise ?
Maybe you can sign up for some classes in your area, like exercise, dance, cooking etc something like that?? I agree with the meetup thing, my cousin used that to meet friends. I would be the same way about going to meet new people though so I feel for you – it is HARD to make new friends as an adult. I only have like 2 close girlfriends now that I’m 30 and they are in my wedding along with my cousin and my future sister in law.
Do your fiance’s friends have gfs or wives that you could double date with ???
Good luck honey!!
Post # 6
Rafissch: The part about your best friend repeatedly rescheduling your weekend plans sucks, I definitely sympathize with you there. She is not in the wrong for having plans with her family (I wouldn’t call that “catering to her family’s needs”), but she should have been better about checking her schedule and letting you know which weekends actually work for her and which ones don’t.
As for the rest of your post, it’s unreasonable to expect your friends to take the entire week of the wedding off of work or help you plan your wedding generally – that’s your job and your FI’s job. Remember that your wedding isn’t the most important thing in anyone’s life except for you, your Fiance, and maybe your parents. If I started talking to my friends about tablecloth shades, they would probably fall asleep, or better yet, change the subject. No one is that interested in the nitty-gritty details of someone else’s wedding.
There is also no obligation on your bridesmaids’ or MOH’s part to throw you a shower or bachelorette, and it sounds like your Maid/Matron of Honor is coming through on the bachelorette. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but I think you need to seriously adjust your expectations of your friends’ level of involvement in your wedding and focus on the positive rather than the negative.
Post # 7
Thanks for the support and suggestions ladies! I really need to look into meetup, maybe there’s a couples group that I wouldn’t have to go to alone and could meet some girlfriends that way! We both need friends here anyway since he’s in school with the Navy and only has one or two classmates that even have girlfriends. We had such a close knit group in college and we’re all at the same point in life, married, engaged or in long term relationships but all the guys are Navy and have scattered accross the country.
I know my friend is a flake, she always has been and I accept that but we are such good friends when we’re together that it’s hard to replace that. She was always the type to discuss details about my wedding (and every part of life-from paint colors to what to eat for breakfast) with me before I was even close to engaged so I just expected that to continue and reality can be a hard hit sometimes. I’m usually a very realistic, grounded person but this morning with her 3rd or 4th cancellation in a row was just the final straw where I let emotion get the best of me. And its not that she had previous family plans, it’s that other things took priority over ours that were already in place and that’s hurtful. Her family is one of those shiny perfect families with a beach house and the perfect life on the outside when on the inside they’re royally insane so there’s way more to it than just ‘family comes first’.
But enough of my pity party. I’m normally a very positive person and I know I’m one of the crazy lucky ones and I’m so thankfull for the life I do have, I just needed to get it all out to someone other than my FI!
Post # 8
Rafissch: Hey, if you can’t complain on online forums, where can you? Lol. Don’t feel bad, it’s ok to have feelings! It hurts when people turn out to be not the people you thought they would be.