- 5 years ago
TL-DR — Friend was super excited about hen do. Then pulled out the day of the hen weekend due to money (after my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids had paid deposits for her which she didn’t pay them for). Promised she’d never miss my wedding. Then asked for a +1 a week before the wedding, updates her facebook with a guy she’s just met from online, lots of photos of them going here there and everywhere. Now she’s said she can’t attend the wedding for financial reasons. I’m very hurt and FI’s not impressed with her and said that if he was me, that would be a friendship ending move.
So, I have a friend from college who I love to bits and have supported them through a range of difficult issues. It actually crossed my mind asking her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Fiance thinks she can be fond of drama and now given the current situation says it was probably a good move not to ask her.
Background – Friend goes through phases of obsessively trying to find guys online. They speak for a few weeks, meet up, get into a relationship, it gets intense, they break up, she ends up upset/depressed etc, I cheer her up, everything goes back to normal for a period of time, then another guy. This cycle goes on repeat with the ‘normal’ stage varying in length.
Friend was excited about hen weekend then suddenly said to my Maid/Matron of Honor with a fortnight to go ‘oh I’m not sure I can make it because I can’t afford to do hen and wedding but I’ll do my best’. I was understanding. She even rang me to talk it out and I said it was fine if she couldn’t make it because it’s a way to travel and I’d rather have her at the wedding but to let the Maid/Matron of Honor know asap. She let my Maid/Matron of Honor know on the day of the hen weekend that she wasn’t attending. AFTER my Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids had paid deposits.
She promised that she’d never miss my wedding in a million years.
Then out of the blue (less than a week before the wedding), I get a request for a +1 to the wedding. I’ve said it’s not possible as we did the guest list a year ago and are at capacity. She said it wasn’t a problem. Then with days to go before the wedding she’s said that she can’t make the wedding because she has no money.
I’m gutted. Especially because in the last couple of days, her facebook has been updated to show a new relationship with loads of photos of her and this guy going here there and everywhere. Like, she’s known about my wedding for a year and it really hurts that she’s gone off and done whatever with this guy and is now missing my wedding. Maybe I’m just feeling super insecure but it’s difficult not to take it personally that she’s put a random guy from the internet as a higher priority than an old friend’s wedding.
I really don’t want it to be a friendship ending decision because we all have our issues and faults. But equally, I’m super hurt about this and FI’s taking the tough love approach that this would end the friendship for him if one of his friends pulled this kind of stunt. I’m not sure what to do about it now.