(Closed) flaky friend- another rsvp vent

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
  • poll: Would this be a friendship ending move

    Yes

    No

    It depends

    Other

  • Post # 2
    Member
    1260 posts
    Bumble bee

    Is it possible that she’s having a financial problem?

    Regardless, it’s true that emotions run high when people start a new relationship, and especially when they get married. So there’s no need to evaluate the end of your friendship right now. If you are feeling magnanimous, you could let her know that you will be happy for her to attend regardless of whether she gives a gift (therefore alleviating the cost issue).

    In any case, I would not focus on this now. Enjoy the days before your wedding and the few weeks after. Then, once things are calm again, you can address the future of this relationship.

     

    Post # 3
    Member
    3535 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    View original reply
    DaisyBlossom:  I’m with your Fiance on this one, or, at the very least, time to create some major distance between the two of you. 

    Honestly, this doesn’t sound like much of a friendship and you may want to sit down and really analyze it. Is she truely your friend?  Or are you a good fall back to not having a man in her life?

    Post # 4
    Member
    467 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m sorry but she is no friend of yours, no friend I know would behave like this. As you say she has known for a year, there is just no excuse. Ugh, even hearing this frustrates me, I just dont get some people! I would drop her like a hot cake, u don’t need people like this in your life….

    Post # 6
    Member
    1260 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    DaisyBlossom:  Tbh, a close friend did something crappy to me (and somewhat similar) before my wedding. I sent quite the abrupt reply, saying that I was disappointed and didn’t understand. In retrospect, it was not the best way to handle the situation. That’s why I think you should give yourself the time and space to cool down before approaching it again.

    It might be worth it to take her to coffee a month after the wedding and tell her you’re concerned. Ask if you can help. If she doesn’t want to change, then it might be best to accept her as a casual friend who you enjoy seeing on occassion, as opposed to a close friend for whom you have expectations.

    Since I didn’t say it before, I’m sorry you’re in this position. It is crappy. But from your update it seems to be about issues with her, not towards you.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2008 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    DaisyBlossom: Cut the b*tch loose. The friendship clearly means more to you than her. Sorry.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1651 posts
    Bumble bee

    Im with your Fiance on this, shes a fly by night friend.  Lose her ASAP, drama queen.

    Post # 9
    Member
    4094 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply
    DaisyBlossom:  I had a similar situation, but instead of money being the issue, the new guy wanting to go on other trips became the problem. My friend, who had talked to me DAILY and often times about how excited she was to see me at the wedding, never bothered to even RSVP and told me she didn’t even open the invitation. Her new BF and his wants became the most important thing (he was also invited), so she just decided to forget about her friendships. It did end the friendship for me. I’m just too old to put up with that high school crap of girls meeting boys and then acting like no one else exists. I’d probably just stop making an effort if I were you.

    Post # 10
    Member
    4240 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    She said she couldn’t come to your wedding because you wouldn’t invite her boyfriend.  Meaning, she chose her boyfriend du jour over you.  Does it suck?  Oh yes.  But this is her showing you her true colors.  Obviously you can’t make any assumptions, but if one day she says it’s no problem that she can’t bring her boyfriend but the next day she “doesn’t have enough money” for your wedding, she’s being a b**** and choosing her dude over you.

    I’ve held out for flaky friends before and I have to say every friendship eventually fizzled out.  There’s the one “friend” who would always make plans with myself and a couple other people and then when we would show up she would cancel last minute and/or just not show up.  There’s the other “friend” who after she got married literally her entire life is her husband and she has no time for anyone else.  There’s the other friend who I haven’t totally let go, but she always seems to disappoint me when I talk to her because she judges my wedding choices or she makes me feel bad about my life choices or she just generally prefers to spend more time with her husband than with me when I go to visit her (I only see her once every 3-6 months or so).

    As I get older, I realize I have no time for flaky friends.  It sucks and I wish I were still friends with the people I’ve had to cut out of my life, but at the same time I don’t want to be friends with people who don’t seem to have the time of day for me.

    Post # 11
    Member
    5152 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I would assume if you had told her to bring along her flavor of the week, she would be there. At this point, I would probably drop her as a friend – do you really need a friend who’s so unreliable in your life? 

    Post # 12
    Member
    553 posts
    Busy bee

    You don’t have to never ever see or speak to her again, but yeah this pretty much ruined the friendship.  While your wedding day is not going to be as important to others, she was pretty cavalier about it and not considerate of you or your Maid/Matron of Honor and other BMs (about the hen) at all.

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