(Closed) Flaky friends- when do you let it go?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
408 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t really have advice for you, just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone.  One of my Bridesmaid or Best Man is just like this and it can be very frustrating! We’ve been friends since we were 8 and she is very dear to me so I can’t just write her off.  Good luck! I’m interested to see what other people have to say.

Post # 4
Hostess
11167 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

This is my biggest, BIGGEST, pet peeve. In this world of technology there is absolutely no excuse for lack of communication. I am 100% understanding IF you communicate, don’t just blow me off.

I give some people wiggle room when it comes to being flaky, especially if the relationship is new. However if it continues I just learn to not rely on them and really don’t get close with them either. I have had to remove one person from my life because of this and while it was so painful to do in the end I was all the happier for it.

 

Post # 5
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It depends.  Sometimes I am that person who is hard to get ahold of but it’s not because I don’t want to hang out with someone, I’m just busy busy and sometimes forget people called or whatever.  But if it’s constant bailing, I’d probably give up after the 3rd try.

Post # 6
Member
3368 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Wow… this is really interesting to me because I am the flaky friend.  I have an anxiety disorder and I constantly bail on plans.  It’s really frustrating to me and I’m always wondering what it’s like to be the friend of the flaky friend.

For perspective… I hope my friends don’t give up on me!!!!

Post # 7
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

This is the third time I’m writing this, trying to keep it short and it keeps getting long, so sorry!

Anyway, Darling Husband and I have dealt with this recently in regards to his college friends. They keep bailing on him/us, usually at the last second and even when we were hosting a meal event meaning we had already bought all the food/booze. He had historically gotten kind of angry with them, but the last and most recent flakeout I FORCED him to reply in a nice, understanding tone even though we were beyond pissed. I’m telling you – it totally worked. It was almost like they couldn’t get away with it anymore since Darling Husband stopped getting mad about it, or at least they coudln’t shift the blame to him for having a negative response.

Since then I’ve noticed a significant improvement with all of them. They no longer bail out at the last minute, but also Darling Husband has distanced himself a little from them in general. WE sort of have a new group of friends that I made before Darling Husband and I got together and it has only grown as time went on. So we focus our attention on those friends who never bail and always include us. People change as you get older and you have less and less time to waste, so it’s important to devote your time to people who value yours.

Post # 8
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have one friend who is extremely flaky. We make plans and she never confirms or does not show up. I try to stay in contact with her but a relationship takes two to work.

I still consider her a friend, just not a close friend anymore. I’m fine if I see her and I’m fine if I’m don’t because I know that I’ve tried 🙂

Post # 9
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I try a couple of times but I’m probably quicker than most to abandon the friendship. 

Like most of us, I am extremely busy so I’m not going to let blowing me off slide.  I don’t get mad at the friend, but I definitely stop reaching out and making plans with that person.

I am open to meeting up with them if I’m already out with other friends, but not going to go out of my way to make an exclusive date after I’ve been burned a couple of times.

Post # 10
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@jjmomma: I am the flaky friend, too.

When I graduated college, I was so sick of the drama and so over all the crap that I decided that I wanted a simpler, quiet life not filled with social engagements. I am involved in activities around my community, I work, I spend time at home with Fiance and our dog, and that is enough for me. Spending time with friends now that I am out of school is just not a priority, mostly because I feel as though we no longer have anything in common. I have changed so much, and have had so many life experiences since graduation that I am a totally different person. And there is nothing wrong with that…it is just that my college life needs to be in the past and stay there.

Honestly, if the person isn’t calling back and you have tried for over a month, it might just be time to let it fade out. Sometimes people have really busy lives and they just can’t be a social as they used to be. I can’t and it is a choice and I am happy that way. I don’t have hard feelings towards anyone from college, it was just time to move on and getting together at homecoming or for happy hour is not a priority for me any longer.

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