(Closed) Flipside: How would you feel if your child wasn't invited to the wedding?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 62
Member
1364 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have a kid, and I’ve been to MANY weddings since he’s been with us (almost 8 years). The only wedding he’s ever been invited to was ours, and we still had a relatively child free wedding (only family, and only over the age of 5..etiquette rulesbe damned!)

ive never once been offended that he wasnt invited, and truthfully I probably have a much better time because he’s not there. I don’t have a problem leaving him with grandma for the night.

Post # 63
Member
230 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I don’t have kids yet, but no I won’t be offended in the future if my children are not invited. I never attended weddings with my parents as a child because they didn’t believe they were child friendly events.

I tend to agree. We had two children attend our wedding last spring and it was clear that they were bored out of their minds. Why not leave them home with a sitter? It will probably be more fun for them. 

Post # 64
Member
7813 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@Misswhowedding:  +1. You worded it better. I won’t judge you for your wedding choices, so don’t judge me for my attendance choices. I will always put my family first. 

Post # 65
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I dont have kids but I wouldnt mind leaving them behind if it was a black tie or formal wedding but would probably be more upset if it is very casual and couldnt bring a child but would understand if it was for limited space rather than just not wanting kids there to begin with

Post # 66
Member
11 posts
Newbee

@LuvMySailor:  interesting. I’m having this debate about my own wedding. How did it work for you leaving your baby with a sitter so young? I’m wondering if I will basically force some close friends to choose between feeding their so young baby or coming to the wedding. So I’m debating making the exception and allowing babies under 6-8 months old because I’m trying to be sympathic to mothers (and babies) who are still breast feeding/need to be fed often.  Otherwise we will stipulate to kids. 

Post # 67
Member
614 posts
Busy bee

@hemoncdr:  wow, that seems kind of like an over reaction. Many people choose child free weddings for many different reasons. I can’t imagine talking people out of going just because they didn’t invite your kids. Seems pretty selfish to me

Post # 68
Member
2469 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

how insulted would you feel if a friend/ family member essentially told you that they expect your child to misbehave?

I would be insulted that the couple automatically thinks they understand my parenting skills and can make accusations about my child.

Would you be irked or figure it’s worth finding (and paying for) a babysitter for the sake of another couple?

 I would be irked, but I would still find a sitter and attend the wedding.

Post # 69
Member
8066 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I don’t think I’ve ever been to a child-free wedding, and I’ve never seen kids ruin a wedding or reception in all the weddings I’ve been to.  So sometimes I think brides might be overreacting if they don’t want kids there just because they will ruin their wedding or something, especially for a more casual event.  I’ve never seen it happen.  Now I fully understand it for space issues (limited space or perhaps big family with 40+ kids) or if you’re going for a very very formal event (most people aren’t, in my experience).

I didn’t have a child-free wedding but I knew there would be about 10 kids or less there so I didn’t think it was a huge deal.  About half or more were under 5, and under 5 was free at my venue.  I invited 140 and if for some reason I had a family with tons and tons of kids, I would have considered child-free just to save the space.  Mostly they just danced in their own little group at my wedding though, no issues at all during the ceremony.

For myself, I certainly wouldn’t mind leaving the kids with the grandparents to go to a wedding.  In fact, I’d be thrilled to leave toddlers or older kids with my parents to go to a friends wedding in town.  Now if it’s a family wedding out of town, I probably wouldn’t go if it was child-free because I’d assume my parents would be going (and then no overnight babysitter available- DH parents are farther away unfortunately).  However, if the bride didn’t allow nursing infants (let’s say 0-3 months) at all and I had one, I most likely wouldn’t go.  The only time I would be truly offended is if the bride was offended/upset that I declined because of issues with the kids.

Post # 70
Member
24 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2016

@stardustintheeyes:  I’m not saying I would get angry at the bride and demand that I can bring my children. I was simply answering the original question:  ” How would you feel if your child wasn’t invited to the wedding?” and I’m saying that I would feel insulted. That may not be a rational feeling in some people’s eyes, but thats the way it is. Again, I do feel this is a probably a bit of a cultural thing. Here in Germany weddings start at around noon, so kids being there is pretty much a given. I’m simply saying that I can’t see a reason not to invite kids, so yes I would feel insulted. That doesn’t mean the bride and groom shouldn’t go ahead and invite whoever they want. I can see where you’re coming from with the whole “making the event exciting to your guests”. Sure some people may be excited at the prospect of an event being child free, but honestly this just seems very foreign to me. Again, might be a cultural thing, as I see weddings as a family event. I’m not trying to offend anyone. I’m just expressing my opionion as I feel that that was what the OP asked us to do in the beginning.

Post # 71
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t have kids yet – but I wouldnt want to bring them to a wedding.  The only time I would be upset – is if it was my sister getting married – but I know she will include her neices and nephews when the time comes.

Post # 72
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I don’t have kids yet, but for me I think of the rule as being “do the kids merit their own invitation?”.  For example, if one of our siblings got married and didn’t invite our future children, I would be hurt and feel like they were prioritizing the wrong things.  However, if a cousin or work friend got married, and didn’t invite any children from our level of closeness, I would understand.  I would be hurt if some cousin’s kids were invited but not mine.

Post # 74
Member
1487 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m not a parent but I cannot imagine a universe where I would be offended by this. At my best friend’s wedding last year a guest found the FOUR YEAR OLD flower girl outside on the golf course alone and had to bring her back in. I totally understand child free weddings.

Post # 75
Member
874 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@Aquaria:  My kids are grown.  So truthfully, I would not be offended if I was told not to bring my kids.  But that is 18+ years of parenting talking.  Even when they were yonnger, I would not be been offended.  I know that children have a mind of their own.  And if they want to have a tantrum, they don’t care where or who is witness to it.

I think everyone is different.  Some people really do not care.  While others are really upset when a child starts screaming and disrupts the quiet moment of a couple exchanging vows.

 

Post # 76
Member
666 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

My moms favorite line is “no one cares about your kid as much as you do” and I think that perspective is why I don’t think I would be offended because people have to realize its awesome your child is the light of your life but that doesn’t mean they’re automatically now supposed to be welcome anywhere and everywhere you are. You may always wanna be with them – but others don’t so I think if I was not up for leaving the kid behind I would just decline the invite. That being said, I don’t have kids so its all just what I think I would feel haha 

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