(Closed) Flipside: How would you feel if your child wasn't invited to the wedding?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 77
Member
57 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

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@WillowTreeWade:  No sorry not selfish.  My cousins wife needed to learn that weddings are a family event, and the fact that she was not inviting family and didn’t care about my cousins feelings on the matter, she deserved it.  My grandmother was completely embarrassed with the wedding because everyone was asking where the family was, and she had to say “the bride didn’t invite kids, so everyone declined”.

Post # 78
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Aquaria:  I don’t feel like I would interpret it as the couple thought my child would misbehave and I would be like, yeah, kids free night out!

Post # 79
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I don’t see how not inviting children as a general rule has any implication that any particular kids are poorly behaved. It just means it is an adult event, or a small event (in my case, both). We are having 2 kids in our wedding party, including the only family kid. I hope my friends are happy to celebrate with us, even without their kids. Everyone is local, so they presumably have baby sitters that they know. And if someone can’t come because they won’t go out without their kids (or for any other reason), I will be sad and miss them. 

Post # 80
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I wouldn’y care one bit.

-weddings are expensive

-kids ARE rowdy, and it can definitely change the tone of the event

 

I recently went to a wedding at the science museum in my local city and the couple hired a museum employee to babysit all the children as they ran through the whole museum while the adults enjoyed the reception. This was GREAT, but without a doubt it cost the couple some extra $

Post # 81
Member
1470 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I probably wouldn’t be offended, because it’s not like they are singling my child out, and I don’t mind child-free weddings. But what I hate is the attitude that I should “appreciate” having a night out without my kid. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t, but you are forcing me to find and pay a babysitter, worry about logistics, keep my cell phone handy, etc. If I love you, I’ll do it, if I don’t, I’ll decline, but either way, you aren’t “doing me a favor.” 

I had a friend who had a wedding a plane-ride away when my child was 7 months old. Luckily, he was invited (we were breastfeeding, so he had to come with us–how would I have found a sitter there?) But if he hadn’t been invited, we would have declined, and that would have hurt my friend. Brides simply need to understand that they run the risk of parents declining. If they’re ok with that risk, then have whatever kind of wedding you want.

We had 33 kids at our wedding and it rocked. Maybe not everyone’s idea of a good time, and I respect that. But not a single one of those kids yelled, cried, or otherwise misbehaved in any way that affected me or anyone I spoke to.

Post # 82
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

It depends. If I was expected to travel ling distance and arrange for childcare and cover those costs on top of trvel and gift expenses, I would decline.

Post # 83
Member
6107 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

If it was an out of town wedding (that required more than a couple hours driving) I’d be a little annoyed, but I wouldn’t bring it up to the couple. If it was a local wedding, I’d probably be jumping for joy that I have an excuse to drop them at grandma and grandpa’s for the night.

Post # 84
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@hemoncdr:  I’m completely shocked that you manipulated your family into not attending your cousin’s wedding all because your children weren’t invited. The adult thing to do would have been to decline the invitation yourself. I feel sorry for that poor girl.

Post # 85
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I only invited nieces/nephews/newborns as there were over 30 children we’d have had to invite otherwise! It was a space issue rather than not wanting/liking the children.  For that reason i won’t be offended at all if people don’t invite my baby when it’s born. 

Post # 86
Member
47448 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Aquaria:  It wouldn’t bother me at all for my child not to be invited. And I definitely wouldn’t interpret the lack of invitation to mean that they expected my child to misbehave.

Children do not need to do everything that adults do-period.

 

Post # 87
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2014

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@Mrs. Mink:  +100000!

Post # 88
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We are having a child-free wedding. I’m not judging the parents’ abilities to control their children. We just don’t want to get into the whole “making exceptions here but not there” thing so it is going to be across the board so no one feels singled out. We don’t want to deal with that many extra mouths, or have to provide separate child-friendly food, offer babysitting services or activities for children at an open-bar, evening, black tie optional event. We will completely understand and not be offended if couples with children cannot attend, and I would hope they would extend the same courtesy by not being offended that we are not including children for anyone. I do think it complicates matters when your immediate family includes children but ours does not so it was a no-brainer for us. 

Post # 89
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I wonder if the parents who are offended would also be offended/routinely turn down invitations to parties/birthday dinners/non children friendly movies etc just bcause their children aren’t invited. Seems strange that their whole adult only social life comes to an end just because they have children.

I understand it might not always be possible to attend – we’re invited to a wedding next October when we’ll have a 6 month old.  It’s aborad so we won’t attend without the baby as it’s not practical, but i won’t blame the couple.

Post # 90
Member
866 posts
Busy bee

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@hemoncdr:  you do see on this thread that the vast majority of people disagree with you and don’t find child-free weddings the least bit offensive!

You say you were showing her what happens when you don’t care about family but what did you do? Hurting your cousin and embarassing your grandmother, how is that being a caring family member.

Honestly, I think you should be ashamed of your childish behaviour!

Post # 91
Member
1868 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I wouldnt be offended. I prefer child free weddings and I will be leaving my child with a babysitter for future weddings unless they are asked to be in the wedding party.

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