Post # 1
Here’s my dilemma, I def want my fiances nieces in the wedding, but at the time of the wedding, they will be 11. Is this too old to be flower girls? I have asked friends and family and the only response I keep getting is “So what? Who cares? Its your wedding, do what you want!” SO here are my two options:
1. Let them be flower girls and forget about traditional age etiquette
2. Make them junoir bridesmaids and just not have a flower girls
Post # 2
What do they want to be? 11 years old is old enough to have opinions and speak for themselves on the matter. Maybe they’ll think flower girl is too baby-ish. Maybe they’ll love the idea. Ask them what they prefer.
Eta: remember to ask the parents first for permission for them to be in the wedding at all. After all this is an added Time commitment and expense for them unless you’re covering everything for them.
Post # 3
By 11, I was wearing a bigger bra size than my mother and shopping in the juniors/petites section. I would have been mortified at the notion of being a flower girl. (I probably looked more like I was 13 or 14).
I’d do some gentle probing on the young lady in question and see how she feels. But it’s rare for me to encounter a flower girl older than 6-7 years.
Post # 4
That’s a tough age to decide because some 11 year olds practically look and act like teenagers, and others are happy being kids for a while longer. Personally at 11 I would have hated being a flower girl because I was intent on pretending I was a teen. It would have been like someone publicly foiling my disguise.
I would ask them what they’d prefer.
Post # 5
My flower girl was 11 and my ring bearer was 13. They were both very excited for their roles.
Post # 6
I would lean towards Junior Bridesmaids for 11 year olds. If it helps, our flower girls were 5 and 8 (almost 9), Junior Bridesmaids were 12 and 14, and Junior Groomsmen were 11 and 14. Finding a flower girl dress for the 8 year old was very difficult because she was more of the size and height of a teenager. So the two flower girl’s dresses weren’t very similar at all but I didn’t mind. The 8 year old didn’t feel too old to be a flower girl and felt big sisterly helping the younger one so she was okay with it
Post # 7
I feel like wedding “rules” are silly in this sense. I mean, is there an official flower girl age anyway? Etiquette like being rude to people I completely agree you should follow. But this is definitely one of those that I’d go with what the little girl wants. Maybe she would be mortified because she already feels like a teenager like some have mentioned, but maybe it would be a dream come true to have possibly one last childhood hoorah to wear a princess dress and sprinkle flowers for a bride. I’m super laid back in the wedding rules area tho, but I say who cares, do what you and the girl want.
Post # 8
I agree with PP, ask the girls if they have a preference. I think either way is fine.
Post # 9
I think it depends on the girls. My niece is 11, and will be 12 when we get married. She’s going to be a Junior Bridesmaid. She hates to be treated like she’s younger than she is, she always wants to be more equal to teens and young adults, so would have not wanted to be a flower girl. But I also know there are girls the same age who would love to be a flower girl. So I think you should ask your FI’s nieces (and their parents) what they think.
Post # 10
Traditionally flower girls were from about 4 to 7 years old. Mature enough to handle the role and young enough not to feel too old for the title. I would make an 11 year old a junior bridesmaid, though.
Post # 11
theres an age etiquette?
I asked my almost 8 yo goddaughter whether she wanted to wear a dress that matched me or the adult BMs. She chose Bridesmaid or Best Man. Junior Bridesmaid or Best Man it was then. 🙂
Post # 12
- Wedding: November 2025 - City, State
Invite them to be bridesmaids, but skip the pointless and kind of condescending junior title. All a bridesmaid needs to do is show up in the agreed upon outfit, walk down an aisle, and stand around watching the ceremony while maintaining a reasonable sense of decorum. These girls are old enough to fulfill all of those duties. Why not make them feel grown-up and respected by offering them the standard “bridesmaid” title? If they seem unsure, you can offer flower girl as an alternative and let them decide.
Post # 13
My flower girl will be 15 when I get married, but she’s a dog 🐶 🌸
I agree with asking them what role they’d like to play
Post # 14
I think it really depends on the girl. But most 11-year-old girls I know are in that “pre-teen” phase and would not like being a flower girl. It’s too babyish. I was a flower girl when I was 8 and remember feeling like I was just a touch too old for it even though it was a blast. Doing something that younger kids do is especially unpleasant–even if it is something they like or want. It’s just part of growing up. Remember being nine-and-a-half instead of just 9?
I agree that you should just call her a bridesmaid instead of junior anything if you go that route.
I think asking which she would prefer is your best bet.
Post # 15
It really depends on the girl. If it were me at 11 years old, I may have picked being a flower girl as a joke so I could go to middle school and tell all my friends that I was a flower girl (for joking purposes). I am being serious though, kids that age are pure comedy. I’ve worked with middle schoolers. Now in my late 20s, I may take the flower girl role more seriously 😉 Nevertheless, I would probably got with Jr. Bridesmaid at that age regardless. I’ve seen 8 year old Jr. Bridesmaids.