(Closed) flower girl and ring bearer…who pays?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
363 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

good question! would love to see other’s thoughts.

my 2 flower girls are my FSIL’s – and she and her husband are in our party, so i plan to pay for the girls’ dresses since thats a lot of expenses.

my ring bearer – his parents are not in the party. so i’m hoping to approach this subject and discussing them paying (i don’t even want him in a tux or anything so it won’t be too much $$ lol)

Post # 4
7974 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

they are responsible.  if you can afford it, it is certainly a nice gesture to pay but not neccessary.


Post # 5
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I paid.  It seemed like the right thing to do.   I wanted my neice and nephew to be a part of my wedding, I wanted to choose what they wore, so I paid for their outfits.  

Post # 6
2943 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I think it just varies with every wedding.

I have two flower girls who are my nieces.  My mom payed for their dresses (like $30 each on JCPenney’s website) and my brother (their dad) is buying them shoes.  I went to Claire’s and got them a matching necklace/bracelet set and a hair piece.

Our ring bearer is my FSIL’s son.  His tux rental is about $70 and we are going to give her money for some of it.  

Post # 7
1775 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Since it was basically all my FSIL’s decisions, they paid.

ETA: Still bitter about this lol


Post # 8
848 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I had 2 and both of their moms were under the impression that they would pay for their own. I was flexible on style and price, but they were taking to long to go shopping and I ended up finding some really pretty ones for $30 on sale so I just ended up buying them. They bought the tights/shoes/hair accessories they wanted.

Post # 9
6835 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I think unless THEY approach YOU about their kid being in the wedding, it’s your responsibility to pay.  You’re basically using their kid as an adorable prop in your wedding, and it’s not like the kid gets a lot of fun out of it (as BMs/GMs hopefully do).  So I personally would never ask the parents to pay.

I bought our flower girl a really cute $40 dress, and our ring bearer an adorable matching handmade $50 bow tie and suspenders set.  (He’ll just wear khakis and a white shirt that he already has.)  It can be done cheaply!

Post # 10
2253 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@ctocchi2:  If you can afford it I would offer, but if it’s not in the budget it’s the parents’ responsibility. If you have them pay, I would try and be as flexible as possible. I see your wedding isn’t until next May? Consider looking for their clothes right after Easter next year. I know that’s REALLY close but things will be on super sale that will be perfect for a flower girl and ring bearer.

Post # 11
6533 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

I’m paying for ours. I had a flower girl dress already picked out, so since it was basically all my decision I felt like they shouldn’t have to pay. Their mom still offered, but I said not to worry. 

Post # 12
3380 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I would pay, with the understanding that you will be selecting the attire.

Post # 13
1823 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

We paid for our 3 flower girls and 1 ring bearers outfits. 

They were all our nieces and nephew and thier parents (our siblings) were in our wedding party.  We didn’t feel right about asking them to pay for their bridesmaid dresses, groomsmen tuxes AND flower girl/ring bearer suits, so we paid for the childrens clothing.  It seemed like the right thing to do. 

I chose custom made tutu’s and tank tops for the girls so I didn’t think it was fair to make them pay that added expense.  Their parents really appreciated us picking up the bill. 

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