Flower girl but not flower girl?

posted 2 years ago in Ceremony
Post # 2
Member
5824 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I’m confused, you don’t want her to be a flower girl so other people aren’t upset or left out but you do want her to be a flower girl you just want her to hold a sign rather than flowers? Who else would your fiancé want to give a chance to?

As a side note most flower girls in the weddings I have been to don’t throw flowers anymore so that isn’t a requirement, neither is a childish dress. I don’t really understand why you wouldn’t have your only niece as the flower girl? 

Post # 3
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

If she wants to be the flower girl, I wouldn’t think she is too old to be a flower girl.  Do you have someone else in mind since he is wanting to give someone else a chance?  I’m kind of confused by that.  Does he someone else in mind?  If this is the only person you want to ask and she wants to do it, why is it an issue?  

Post # 4
Member
1091 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Fremont, CA

She could’ve the ring bearer 🙂

Post # 5
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

judyvbaxter :  im confused…you say he has “one nice” but then that he has a “huge family” and that “another child should have a chance”. if he only has one niece, who is this other child? or does he have more than one niece?

you should do whatever you want. there is no rule about how old is too old to be a flower girl (the 10yo seems happy and excited about it, so i’d say that she’s not too old if she wants to do it). there also is no rule that says you can only have one flower girl. if your Fiance has multiple nieces, you can have multiple flower girls. that way the 10yo gets to be one, and the other kids are included.

you can also skip it altogether as you’ve proposed – but it sounds like no one (you, nor the niece) is happy with that result. so why not just have her (or her and the other nieces as well)?

Post # 6
Member
5143 posts
Bee Keeper

judyvbaxter :  I think it’s up to the girl to decide if she’s too old not yoyr fiance. Clearly if she’s asking she wants to do it. So let her. 

Post # 8
Member
1144 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1995

Niece trumps cousins.  Not sure why this is an issue.  

Post # 9
Member
845 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

judyvbaxter :  Just let her be the flower girl 🙂 She seems to be looking forward to it. She may be too old, but she’s old enough to be hurt over something silly. You can have more than one if you want to include other cousins.

Post # 10
Member
144 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2018

Ask her what she wants to be! We asked all of our nieces and nephews what role they wanted. Our four flower girls ranged in age from 7-12 and no one said that the eldest was too old! 

Post # 11
Member
8952 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

judyvbaxter : You can both have what you want here. If you want her to be involved and he wants to give a cousin’s child a chance, you can have both. You could have multiple kids involved if you want. They can throw stuff or carry stuff or just walk. They can wear whatever you, them, and their parents are comfortable with. And you can call them whatever they want to be called. It seems so silly to say “we want different kids to be in our wedding so we’re not going to have any kids in our wedding.” You’re allowed to have more than one kid in a wedding.

Post # 13
Member
284 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Another alternative to include her would be as a junior bridesmaid. Is there a boy similar in age that could walk with her? You could give her the option if you’re concerned about her feelings. I don’t know why it shouldn’t be “allowed”. And to others- I’m in a similar pickle as there are no little girls in my family. I have all nephews! Could be simply a shortage of girls in that age group, despite being in a “large” family. 

Post # 14
Member
3423 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

judyvbaxter :  niece totally trumps first cousins once removed. make her the flower girl. the first cousins once removed dont have to be in the wedding – i’m sure they’ll have plenty of opportunities at some point given that he has a HUGE family.

Post # 15
Member
1655 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

judyvbaxter :  My 12 year old sister was a flower girl for me, as that’s what she wanted to be.  As she is older, she wore a white dress that was more mature than a typical Flower Girl dress, and didn’t throw flowers but had a little bouquet and a flower crown that matched mine.  She looked great!

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