Post # 1
My sister in law’s daughter is to be our flower girl.
After showing my Mother-In-Law some dress designs she kept picking designs that were REALLY casual (i.e. day at the playground) and sort of MOD and trendy. I then emailed my Future Sister-In-Law and she sent me a few pictures of dresses her daughter already owned, same style my Mother-In-Law liked, in our wedding colors. My Future Sister-In-Law and I have never had a relationship (this was actually the first time we’ve really spoken I’m 15 years younger), so to start a relationship I was really agreeable and agreed on a blue and green tie dyed dress.
I hate that I did this, because I hate the dress. Our wedding is full of color, so I’ve been trying to keep the bridal parties dress fairly subdued and elegant so our pictures are timeless. Would it be terrible if I emailed her and talked to her about a new style of dress? I found a few cute styles on etsy that were casual, but less colorful and 60’s.
Post # 3
It’s not like you had them go out and buy a dress, and now you’ve changed your mind – they are not out anything at this point, because they already owned the dress, right? I would go ahead and let your Future Sister-In-Law know that after thinking it over, and picking the clothing for the rest of the bridal party, you think that the dress they already have won’t really go with the rest of the attire. Then send her photos of the dresses you like. It would probably help a lot if you get straight in your own mind whether you are asking them to actually buy one of the dresses you email them photos of, or whether again you are just asking them to find a dress "like" one of those. I think you will have a better chance of being happy about the outcome (since you already know that your ideas don’t mesh with theirs) if you just let them know that one of the following dresses would be good. Maybe you can have them pick the one they like best, and you can buy it and have it sent to them. That way you get what you want, without taking the chance of getting into another situation where you basically go along with what they like just to try not to be disagreeable.
Post # 4
Are you close by your niece-to-be? Can you offer to take her shopping as a special bonding/treat for her? I agree that you’re less likely to get push-back if you make it (1) easy and (2) cheap/free for the Future Sister-In-Law and Mother-In-Law.