(Closed) Flower girl help

posted 9 years ago in Beehive
Post # 3
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

 

Yikes! I’m sorry thats a tough one.  

Hire a babysitter.  Most likely the little girl will get tired and (possibly temper tantrum).  You could just tell the mother that you can/will have a babysitter and a kid-friendly meal prepared.  Pajamas are not appropriate at an adult only function.  Either the parents will be happy that they don’t have to supervise the kid, or they will turn in early.

How is the flower girl related? Your side or his?  It might be even better if you can have your mom or the mother of the groom take care of it.  The sooner the better.

Post # 4
Member
796 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2009

I think you are going to have to re-think the idea of a flower girl.

It is pretty unfair to ask these parents to buy their daughter a special dress, but then take her somewhere else after the ceremony. Since it seems you want this flower girl to be in pictures with you, that means her parents would have to leave the reception and miss some of it in order to take her to a childcare situation. Also, it will be pretty hard to tell people that you are having no children – except for that one. If you really want to have the flower girl in the wedding, you might want to consider hiring a sitter for the reception.

Post # 5
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

If this little girl is in your wedding party I think she has to be included at the reception. You wouldn’t ask a bridesmaid or a groomsman to sit out the reception for any reason, right? Same goes with your flower girl, even though she’s a kid. Especially since you are including the ring bearer in the reception.

 If you truly want an adults-only reception, with NO kids at all, I don’t think you can have a flower girl and ring bearer.

But maybe other brides can speak out?

Post # 6
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I agree but my father is a minister and EVERY bride thought it was a good idea to put me in their wedding as a little girl.  It was a much better idea when they had a plan for what to do with me after the ceremony.  I liked when I got happy meals and got to watch Disney movies…. I didn’t care what the adults were doing.

 

Post # 7
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

We are doing an adults only reception as well. Except for our flower girl. We are on a budget, so we can’t include everyone, but it is important tohave our flower girl as a part of our day and other guests completely understand.

Post # 8
Member
183 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I think it would be really considerate of you to have a babysitter (it can be a teenager that is related to you or the groom and willing to babysit for very little) available for the ringbearer and the flower girl.  Of course, it depends on your venue how easy this might be.  (E.g. If your reception is at a hotel, letting them use one of your guest’s rooms to have kid friendly food and watch Disney movies and have crafts and such.)  This way you are not requiring the parents to miss out on the party to take their daughter home and everyone has a fun night.

Post # 9
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think it’s generally accepted that even "adults only" receptions will include the flower girl and ring bearer, if the couple has them. I agree that it would be rude to ask that the flower girl’s family bring her and buy her a dress for when you need/want her around, and then have to get rid of her as soon as she’s of no use to you anymore.

Besides, don’t you think your ring bearer might enjoy having another child to play with? They can keep each other occupied. 

I’d seat them at the same table, and  place some quiet toys at their settings to keep them occupied. Coloring books (maybe those color-wonder kind if a mess is a concern), activity books, and a deck of playing cards (if they’re old enough) would all be quiet and entertaining for little ones. 

Let us know what you decide!

Post # 10
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I have to agree with the previous posts, if she is in the wedding party she should go to the reception. If your flower girl and ringbearer are close in age maybe they can keep each other company. I think that the idea of having Disney movies is a great idea. They will probably pass out, get them cute pjs as a gift. Otherwise I would rethink having either in the wedding party.

Post # 11
Member
2004 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

It sounds like you really want a no-kids reception, but you are worried about offending your flowergirl and her mother if you don’t invite the flowergirl. I think your underlying instinct is right; it would be rude not to invite her. Here’s why I think it’s necessary to invite wedding party children to the reception: 

You don’t invite the children in your wedding party to the reception because it’s going to be fun for them or for you (as LucyLouToo pointed out, she was much happier as a flowergirl when she was watching Disney movies or had other alternate activities to distract her). You do it because of what it symbolizes: You asked your wedding party, including the children, to stand up with you as you exchange your vows on one of the most important days of your life, so they should all be welcome to share a meal with you at the reception. To ask otherwise implies that their value to you is conditional (which of course it’s not, but that’s the message it sends). 

Additionally, inviting the wedding-party children to the reception is not so much for the children’s benefit as it is for their parents’. They are the ones receiving that message I talked about above. They have bought new clothes and coached their children to be part of this day, and as a gesture of your gratitude you should invite them to the party.

What I would suggest is to invite them to the reception, and then explain to their parents that since the kids will probably be bored silly at the reception anyways, you’ve arranged for a babysitter starting after dinner (MrsCPT had good advice about this), at which point the flowergirl can change into her special pajamas and the all-adults party can commence. 

As others have noted, either the parents will be grateful and take you up on the babysitting offer, or they will go home early with their children. At that point you can’t control which and shouldn’t worry about which avenue they take. In the end this will be no different than what would have happened with the flowergirl and her parents anyway—either they would have hired a sitter for her and come to the reception, or they would have stayed home.

Furthermore, if you’re already inviting the ringbearer, one more child won’t really matter. It’s fairly common for brides to make an exception to the "no children" rule for the flowergirl and ringbearer, so I don’t think allowing the flowergirl too, even though she is local, would open the floodgates to inviting all the children.

The advantage of this arrangement is that you will be a gracious hostess, the parents can show off their children to other adults at the wedding during dinner, and afterwards you get a no-kids party. Everybody wins. Good luck!

Post # 12
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

I’m having an adults-only wedding as well, so I sympathize with worrying about how to tell their parents!

But honestly?  I don’t think you can tell the flower girl’s parents to take her home after the ceremony without causing some unhappiness and hurt feelings, especially if the ring bearer will be invited to the reception.  Yes, he’s coming from London, but the flower girl’s parents will probably wonder why you couldn’t just allow her to attend too if you were willing to make an exception for the ring bearer.  Besides, it might be really annoying for the flower girl’s parents to drive her home in between the ceremony and reception, especially since she’s going to be posing for pictures for a while.

I say let her come — two children isn’t that many.  If you limit the children attending to the ones in the wedding party, that will make sense to everyone and you won’t upset the flower girl’s parents by appearing to treat her differently from your ring bearer.  If you can hire a babysitter to show up after dinner and show a movie somewhere, even better!

Post # 15
Member
813 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Lots of good comments here. I agree- I think that everyone IN the wedding MUST be invited to the reception, no matter what their age. With some mother’s of the flower girl, you could have a conversation with her and let her know that you’re planning a spot for the flower girl, but would understand if she (the mother) would want the little girl to go to bed early, etc. Some mother’s would want to arrange for their daughter to go to a baby sitter, so that they could enjoy the night. However, if this mom already has special PJs, it sounds like she’s planning for her little girl to be there all night.

I would just maybe have a special little favor bag for the little kids, especially since there will only be 2. You could have crayons and coloring books and little toys (slinkies, etc). They should be just fine.

I am in a similar situation- we are not inviting kids, with the exception of our flower girl, and one little boy who has a very serious health condition and can’t be out of the site of his parents. My flower girl’s mom already said she knows her daughter (who is very young) will be up super  late because its a "special night." So some mom’s will want their kids there… it all depends…

Post # 16
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It’s so nice to know that you’re looking out for the flower girl’s comfort in this situation. That’s honestly something that gets overlooked pretty often, and it’s thoughtful of you to be making accomodations for the little ones in the party. 

Are you close to your flower girl’s mom and dad? If so, the next time you’re together and the wedding comes up, you can gush about how excited you are to have found a great babysitter who will be there to take care of the kids after, say, the cake cutting, or whatever wedding "landmark" you choose to be the goodnight point for little ones (cake cutting seems good to me because the little ones still get the fun and excitement of cake, and at most weddings I’ve been to, that’s the turning point from dinner and toasts and calm time to party time). I’d also talk up all the fun things that will be in the hotel room for the kids, like coloring books, a cute new PJ set, and a movie to watch (or whatever you choose) so that it’s clear you’re looking out for the kids and their comfort. I doubt a party that lasts until 2 would be the ideal spot for a child, anyway. 

Lastly, I’d be sure that the parents know that your arrangements will also allow for them to cut loose a little more. They should appreciate that. 🙂

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