Flower girl trouble

posted 2 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
1152 posts
Bumble bee

whatevergift410 :  I agree with PP. You should buy the dress and shoes if you’re mandating them. Also, it was not very wise to ask girls you barely knew to be your flower girls. All you can do is have them walk down the aisle then sit quietly with their mom. 

Post # 17
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Honestly they, and their mother, sound like nightmares. They don’t seem excited about being flower girls and probably wouldn’t notice if they aren’t in it, though you know your family better than I do so I trust that there would be backlash from an uninvitation. Is there a way that an adult could walk with them down the aisle, like have them walk with your Maid/Matron of Honor and dog? And if it relieves your regret about asking them to be FG’s, one thing I’d like to point out regarding uninviting them to be FG’s, they’re still going to be AT your wedding even if they aren’t IN it, so regardless you’re probably going to be annoyed by them at some point. And if Mom get’s butthurt that her daughters have been kicked out she might be even less likely to wrangle them into control for the evening. How does your Fiance feel about this? As far as attire goes, you have every right to have a certain look picked out for your wedding party, children included. Just like bridesmaids…if mom can’t afford the TWENTY dollar dresses, then her kids don’t have to be in the ceremony. Simple as that. At the end of the day, though, people will understand that these are kids (most importantly, they’re not YOUR kids lol) and not your adult bridesmaids behaving like fools. Who knows, maybe they’ll make for a funny story someday.

Post # 18
Member
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

cmsgirl :  40 dollars isn’t nothing when you’re close to the wedding and have a lot of little expenses popping up. 40 dollars is nothing when it’s all you’re being asked to provide for YOUR kids to be in a wedding. If she was insisting that they get their hair done or something that would be so different, but it goes without saying that anyone in the wedding is going to need a certain outfit/shoes for it so accepting that invitation and then dictating the attire is not appropriate. She should have asked about requirements before saying yes for her daughters.

Post # 19
Member
6097 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

Some of this sounds like lack of parenting experience on your part, some of it sounds like their mother is more boundary free in her parenting than you were raised. At this point, you just have to figure out how to be gracious about it going forward. I think you should make it clear to her that these are the dresses and that her girls won’t be able to participate as flower girls in any other dresses. You should also have your Fiance check in to see if the expense of two dresses and two pair of shoes for the girls will be too much expense (dress shoes for children can be quite expensive- especially if they won’t get much wear) and then the two of you should offer to cover them. He wanted them in the wedding, he should help make that happen.

Post # 20
Member
358 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Buy them the dresses and shoes if it’s that big a deal to you. Sure some people think it’s reasonable to buy dictated uniforms for weddings, but it sounds like their mom made it pretty clear that she wasn’t on that level. Or let them be mismatched, it’s not the end of the world. 

Their behavior does sound like a problem, but sorry to say that’ll be the same problem whether they’re flower girls or just guests. If anything it’s less disruptive to act disobedient during the actual flower-girling since it’s almost expected… the rest of the ceremony and reception would worry me more. Unfortunately I think your only hope is another adult of the family laying down the law (his mom / their grandma maybe?) If his fam isn’t willing to do that, I fear all you can do is warn someone at the venue, or DOC, or somebody on your side, to be ready to intervene if things get too out of hand. 

Post # 21
Member
145 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Horseradish :  I agree pick the colors but if you want a specific dress/shoes etc you need to buy it.

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