Post # 1
Hi all! I just need to know if I was wrong to do this or not. I recently got engaged and originally was not planning on having a flower girl. However, I found out from my grandmother that my cousin wanted to be a flower girl really bad so I texted my Aunt and saidy cousin can be a flower girl. We discussed the dress and they said they would go shopping and send me pictures of the dresses so I can’t pick the one I want since they live six hours away from me. About a month or two later, my friend told me about an adorable flower girl dress she saw in a consignment shop. My mom and I went with my friend and I loved it. It is PERFECT and I absolutely love it. It has purple on it to match my bridesmaids dresses and it is an off white dress to match my dress. It also has never been worn, still has the tags on it, and it was $15 and it only needs a few alterations to fit her, which my grandmother can do as she used to own her own sewing business. I tried texting my Aunt about it, but she didn’t respond for a while and since it’s a consignment shop, it was the only one there so we bought it. A while later she texted back and she was not happy. Apparently, she and my cousin were really looking forward to going dress shopping. I feel bad about that and I didn’t mean to ruin their fun. Not to be bridezilla, but I feel I am not wrong, after all, I was always told the bride picks the flower girl dress.
Post # 2
eh I see both sides. As a little girl, I would have very much been looking forward to a shopping trip to try on all the fancy dresses. I know for you it made sense, the intention wasn’t bad, but for her, it was about the experience more than the dress. She just got robbed of a day about her, which she was probably very excited for. Can you make it up to her? Maybe let her tag along to a cake tasting or something. Or just sincerely apologize over ice cream and remind her of all the great perks she’ll get as part of the bridal party – mani/pedi, hair, makeup.
Post # 3
MAybe they can still go dress shopping but in the end they weasr your chosen dress to your wedding 😉
Post # 4
Yeah I see both sides too. She was probably looking forward to dressing up in pretty dresses and having the experience. You were thinking practically only..which isn’t bad just a little disappointing for her. Maybe a few days before the wedding you can go have a mani pedi afternoon with some of your bridal party and you can invite her so she still feels involved.
Post # 5
lauraeileen1996 : I actually had no idea that trying on flower-girl dresses was a thing. Kids’ sizes are much more standard than adult sizes and they don’t have to worry about things like am I showing too much cleavage, does my butt look big, does this waistline make me look pregnant, etc. Even if companies size differently, if the 6 doesn’t fit, the 4 or the 8 will.
Apparently it is a thing though, and they were planning on doing it. I would tell them to go ahead and if they find something they like better, send me a pic to approve and have fun. If they don’t find anything, there’s a free pre-approved dress waiting. I would not offer to pay for a different dress, and I would give her the consignment dress either way.
Post # 6
I think you took all the fun out of it for her and I can see why they are disappointed.
Plus, I think the person who has to wear the clothes should always be involved in picking out the clothes.
Post # 7
I guess I don’t see how you ruined their fun. She can take her daughter dress shopping anytime. And what if they didn’t find a dress you liked? Tell your aunt to take her daughter dress shopping, the little girl doesn’t need to know none of them are going to be picked, her mom can take photos or whatever there is to do on flower girl dress shopping trips and then have her wear the one you picked out because you get the pick out the dress anyway.
Post # 8
You should have given a heads up to your aunt about the specific shopping trip to the shop to see the flower girl dress. Maybe they could have tagged along…or it at least warranted a phone call prior to said consignment shop visit. I would have said too bad so sad if you hadn’t already decided that they can go shopping for it, but you did and what is done is done now. They feel cheated and I understand why.
Keep the dress as an option and show it to them. It may not fit the child in question so more shopping is not officially out yet.
Post # 9
You weren’t even going to have a flower girl until you were told she wanted to be the flower girl so badly. My thought is, she and her mother should be thrilled you are willing to include her in your wedding. You could have said, “No, I don’t want a flower girl, sorry.” But now she gets to be a flower girl and be in the pictures! How is that not exciting enough?
The dress is your decision. It’s up to her mother to mitigate her daughter’s disappointed, not yours. Remember being a kid and little things didn’t go your way exactly? You learn to deal.
Post # 10
I didn’t realize that shopping for flower girl dresses was such a big deal! Maybe things are different now, but I was a flower girl when I was 5 and I don’t recall any dress shopping trip. I believe my mom was just told which dress to purchase, and I remember going to try it on for alterations and wearing it for the wedding. There may have been a shopping trip involving the other flower girl (the bride’s 8-year-old niece) in order to pick out the dress, but I certainly was not upset at not being included in the decision. I didn’t particularly like clothes shopping when I was a kid, and I was under the impression that most kids feel the same way, so I’m a bit surprised that your flower girl is allegedly so upset over this.
How old is your flower girl? Are we sure the flower girl is actually upset, or do you think your aunt is more the one making a fuss on her behalf? Can’t your aunt take her daughter shopping for a fancy dress for some other occasion or holiday, if she wants to have this bonding experience so badly? This should be about your wedding first and foremost, not giving your aunt an opportunity to do a mother-daughter bonding day that she can do anytime. I’m sure a shopping trip would have been fun, but the ultimate goal is finding a dress for her to wear for your wedding, and you accomplished that now (assuming the dress fits well). I don’t think you did anything wrong here.
Post # 11
They will get over it! You’ve done well to snaffle the perfect dress for only $15. You can’t make a dress for that! If you continue to get any further grief over this I’d say your flower girl and aunt are not supportive. It’s honestly not all about them. Distance yourself from toxic drama queens, especially small divas in development. Nobody needs them
Post # 12
The bride usually does have some discretion over the flower girl dress unless she tells the mom to pick something on her own. Since that’s essentially what you agreed to, I don’t think you can take back that offer. For $15 I would not worry about the cost.
Post # 13
They could still go on a fun shopping trip…maybe just not for the dress. Maybe she could go look for flowers to make a flower crown and shop for some pretty shoes to go with…maybe let her find a pretty necklace that she could wear with it. She can still have a fun time shopping just maybe not for the dress itself?
Post # 14
If they went shopping and found a dress they liked and you liked, who was going to pay for it? You or them?
If it was you, I understand keeping this option as this may better fit your budget and you can tell them that as the reasoning. If they planned on paying for whatever they picked out anyway, I say let them go shopping still and see what they find! Maybe they find something better, maybe they don’t, but I don’t think at $15 it should be a big deal if they buy something else that they like better and you don’t use your dress. It’s not really a financial loss to you to be honest in the grand scheme of your wedding. If you let her be a flower girl because she reallllly wanted to be one, and part of that experience for her was dress shopping, I’d let them go anyway and see what they come up with. You may be surprised.
As someone else mentioned, do you even know if this $15 will fit her yet?
Post # 15
I see that you were thinking practically and meant no harm, but you did agree for them to go and try on dresses she liked and let you pick one. So I can see why as a young girl if she’s never been a flower girl before that could be very exciting as she gets to pick out a fancy dress and look like a princess for the day. I was never a flower girl and always wanted to be because the I thought the dresses looked like mini ball gowns and like something a Disney princess would wear. I see PPs points about how she could still go dress shopping and buy a dress for another occasion, but tbh I don’t think flower girl dresses are really suitable for many occasions so seems rather pointless.
I understand that you meant no harm and from an adult perspective there would be nothing to be upset about, but children can get very excited over these kind of things and really build them up to be something huge, so for the sake of $15 I would just let her go and choose her own dress as that was what you did agree to when you made her a flower girl.