- 5 years ago
- Wedding: November 2013
I have never envisioned myself carrying flowers down the aisle. It doesn’t suit my personality, makes me feel cartoonish, and emphasizes the element of performance that has always left me reluctant to have a wedding at all.
I told my fiance that I don’t want to carry a bouquet, and his response was completely dismissive. “It’s nice to have something to do with your hands”, he says. I think that’s ridiculous (and obviously an excuse). Neither he nor any of the groomsmen will be carrying anything, and someone else will be holding my bouquet through the majority of the ceremony.
So anyway, obviously he wants to see me carrying flowers, and I’m happy to do that for him. I decided as a compromise, I would have some really beautiful and interesting bouquets for the bridesmaids/groomswomen, and I would carry something smaller and more subdued. I like the idea that a smaller bouquet doesn’t take away from me or my dress as much, and I do love flowers. Let the bridesmaids have ’em.
Enter my mother in law: she is in the local flower guild and wants to do all the flower arrangements for us, with possible exception of the bouquets (it’s a bit of a destination wedding and she will be too busy, plus doesn’t have a lot of experience with bouquets). She has been really passive aggressively controlling of the flowers. For example, I said that I feel strongly that we should only have white, cream, and champagne flowers in our arrangements, and her response was “Well, let me get some books for you to look at.” and later, “You have lots of time to decide.” She wants me to carry a cascading bouquet filled with yellow flowers.
So yeah… She brought up the subject of bouquets, and I told her my plan. She was horrified! NO NO NO the bride has to have the biggest and best bouquet! She would rather we all have small bouquets than for mine to be smaller then the others, which I don’t get. IMO that would just look like we cheaped out on bouquets. I like for them to be off-balanced.
My FI’s parents are putting a lot of money into the wedding, so I have to be respectful of her opinions. He tends to deal with disagreement by just letting her say her mind, then ignoring her and doing what he wants (she will pressure but knows in the end that it’s not her choice and doesn’t generally complain after the fact). I could take his lead, have the bouquets done my way by the local florist, and try to avoid talking about them, but that’s not really my style. My dad says that I’m losing my voice with her and I need to stand up for myself before it becaomes the norm, and he’s probably right. It doesn’t help that all of my opinions about wedding related things seem to be very atypical (like these flowers, which are apparently radical.)
Have you guys had any similar conflicts? How did you deal with them? Am I crazy about the flowers?