(Closed) FMI and I disagree on what is proper…Opinions please!!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
642 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I think that everyone invited should get invitations, however I can see the difficulties in doing that, money and addresses. I think next best is to put it in the bulletin, I don’t think it is that terrible and other people have been doing it. But the worst choice would be announcing in verbally at the shower. I would find that irritating. I am only 36 and don’;t hear well and would have to right it down, and what if I got the info wrong when I wrote it. I feel like a little old lady all the time, but think of the real little old ladies. Even passing out invitations at the shower wouldn’t be the best option, but would be better than just announcing it.

I hope you guys come up with a good plan, it sounds frustrating.

Post # 4
374 posts
Helper bee

I hear you.  OK.  What about this?

First, let me say that it is gracious the ladies want to do something for you both!  In today’s economy people are looking for ways to cut corners and these people are actually happy to give you a party and gifts!  So you are right in wanting to handle this sensitively.

Since both of you attend the same church, it really is a celebration of everyone who knows both of you and your families.  How rare is that for the church people to see two of ‘their kids’ get hitched?!  It probably doesn’t happen often.  How about keeping it simple and letting the church ladies give you a kitchen and bathroom shower.  Let them know your color scheme, or register someplace modest and ask for kitchen and bathroom things.  These can add up when they come out of your pocket so check off whatever you want in those rooms, but keeping the cost under $25.00.

Whomever is invited to this church shower, will also be invited to a reception before the reception.  What if you were to serve  appetizers, punch, and cup cakes immediately after the service, like a colation?  Everyone is invited to this, church people and ‘famikly/friends’.  That way you do your photos, etc while your guests are at the colation.  Then you attend briefly and everyone else [friends and family] depart for the reception hall for dinner and dancing.

You can have a second registry for people attending the wedding and your bridesmaids shower [or will this be your only shower?  If so, you should also add any kitchen equipment you want which will be higher priced.]

You can send out a general invitation in the church bulletin to the second reception, with the proviso that the ladies in the church will do the work of setting up, prep, serving, and clean up like its done for every colation.  Your mom should cover the costs, but the ‘church ladies’ should do everything else. She should from the ‘get go’ tell the church ladies that she wants to make a donation to the women’s guild in appreciation.

By serving the appetizers at the church, it cuts down on the exorabant cost of apps at the reception site.  The church ladies can whip up those appetizers at a fraction of the cost and you’ll be able to feed more people on probably what it would cost for just your ‘invited guests’ at the reception site.

I think church people will understand that not everyone can go to the second reception.

Will this work?Cool

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