- 10 years ago
- Wedding: September 2013
Every year for the past 4 years my Future Mother-In-Law somehow ruins or at least dampens the holiday spirit for me and my fiance.
On the first Christmas me and my fiance were together, his dad had a heart attack and died 10 days later. So of course for the rest of their lives things are going to be a little rough on that day. But my fiance has done suprisingly well and does his best to enjoy Christmas, etc.
But his mother is a whole different story. First of all, they have no family what so ever, except for a distant cousin who lives, like, 4 hours away and they haven’t seen/spoken to in, like, 5 plus years. This is sad enough, but they make no effort to reconnect or anything.
And for the past 2 years, my family has extended invitations to Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and random events throughout the year to my fiance and his mother. My fiance usually comes, or WANTS to come, but his mother absolutely refuses.
When a holiday is approaching, she may make grandeur suggestions about food, events, etc, etc, but when the time actually comes she just ends up sitting in a dark room, staring at the wall and eating leftover pizza. Even last year on Thanksgiving, they bought a turkey and all kinds of food and my fiance got up early to help her cook and everything, and she never even attempted to help him or anything and he ended up with all this food and no one to help him eat it or clean up.
BUT if he goes to an event with me or my family or our friends for any holiday, she whines and cries and screams about how he’s abandoning her on a holiday. WTF?!?!?! I’m sorry, but she makes me SO SO MAD!
What is he supposed to do with her?! She is the only family he has and he does feel bad for her, but he can’t put his life on hold because she refuses to join the living and refuses to get help for her depression. But if he DOES choose to live his own life, she guilt trips him!
I feel so so so bad for my fiance. This is our first holiday season as an engaged couple, and I really want him to participate in my big, obnoxious family gatherings but … he can’t. This makes me really sad, especially b/c I’ve always had super big, cliche, over the top, corney, family gatherings and he’s never experienced that. And now that he’s joining my family, his mother won’t even let him be a part of it without feeling tremendous guilt. And I never know what to do whenever a relative inquires as to my fiance’s whereabouts. Like … how do I explain this mess without being a holiday downer?
Sigh. We just really don’t know how to handle this. I am so tired of spending the holidays WITHOUT the love of my life …