- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2017
This is my first post on the bee. Ive been lurking around for weeks now and I’ve become obsessed with reading these boards. I’m not engaged yet. Me and my BF have been together for 3 years and i know he has a ring and the proposal will be happening in the next few months!
SO sorry this is ridiculously long. BF parents are both divorced and remarried since my BF was 3. His mom lives out of state and his dad and stepmom live here. I’ve always been close to his dad’s family and they make me feel welcome and loved. His dad has even referred to me as his daughter in law lol. His mom is another story. She’s controlling and opinionated and just having to be in the same room as her gives me extreme anxiety. She comes to visit a few times a year, mostly Christmas or family visits, everytime is so awkward for me. I am NOT an overly talkative person as I’m very worried about what people think about me and just don’t know what to say to mostly just his mother, everyone else talks to me so I have no problems talking to them. It just takes me feeling comfortable to open up. His mom hardly acknowledges I’m there and never looks at me even. My BF and I have even gone up to see her and her family for a few weekends, a 6 hour drive, and she never speaks to me. At first I thought it was just that she doesn’t know me or she’s shy, but she speaks to everyone constantly, EXCEPT me. My BF is her first born and all her other kids are young.
BF recently told her that he’s going to propose to me sometime soon, she replied with, “um, you better not!” And told him that im the hardest person in the world to talk to and she can’t stand that I’m always there when she wants to spend time with just him and I’m always around. (She usually comes on holidays which every other family member invites me to since they consider me family) she said I never help in the kitchen or socialize and that I’m trying to steal her son from her. All which are lies. After telling him all the reasons why he shouldn’t marry me, she said “I’m not trying to attack her, that’s just what I see.” She then told him that if he HAS to propose to me, to have a 2 year engagement at least, to “see if it’ll even last”.
My BF hardly speaks to her because she’s controlling and she treats him like a child. The only time she calls him is to remind him to pay his car payment or making sure he’s eating right. she tries to control his life even though he’s an adult, so he tries to avoid her. Last Christmas my BF was so angry because of how obviously she was ignoring me and I had to try to calm him down so we didn’t cause a scene at Christmas.
The other day she called my BF and asked what he was doing for Easter, we had just got done spending all day with his mothers family (who all live here except her) and we were going to my parents house now. She was upset we were going to be with my family at all and then replied with “oh.” Then after some silence said, “you just have to be with “HER” everytime i call you, don’t you?” i just left the room at that point.
The thing that bothers me the most is not that im not her favorite person, but that she so blatantly ignores me and then tells my BF later all these things. I’m not exaggerating when I say she doesn’t even acknowledge me. Im lucky if I get a “hi” or a “bye see you soon”. She doesn’t know anything about me, she’s never tried to get to know me, and ignores all my attempts. I’ve always tried to make conversation and be polite. If I try to chime in to the familys conversations, she’ll give me this weird look like, “why are you talking?” And then ignore whatever I just said. Since I know now how much she doesn’t like me, it makes these family gatherings so much worse. What do you say to someone who can’t stand you for no apparent reason? My BF does stick up for me and thankfully he notices how she acts now. But he doesn’t want to start fights with her and doesnt have many opportunities to say anything since they don’t talk a ton
I hate to start my first post off like this and complain about this. It’s just been all I think about lately and it’s driving me mad. I had always wanted her to like me and she’s so nice to everyone else. Now I can’t stand this, what do I do? I’m so worried about when we’re engaged and wedding planning or how to go about this. Or when we’re married?? Does it get better? Does she just treat me like this because im the girlfriend taking her son away? My family treats my BF AMAZING. My parents adore him and treat him like a son and they know we’re gonna get married and are so excited. I just don’t understand his mother. She is the only person who is against this and has this negativity. Does anyone have MILs or FMIL’s like this? any insight would be amazing. So sorry for such the long post but I’m so relieved there are websites like these with so many lovely ladies who can relate and give advice. 🙂