(Closed) FMIL and dirty laundry

posted 7 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 32
6036 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2019 - City, State

I also wanted to add that if I was letting someone use my washer and dryer for free whenever they needed to and they were so touchy with me in my own home I would tell them to go elsewhere. Even my son and his wife (he’s 8 so he doesn’t have one yet but when he does, I would do it!)

Post # 33
10635 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I would take things like towels and linens there, but keep the underwear and nighties for the laundrymat.

Post # 34
2440 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonym1:  It super inconvenitnent, and expensive, but I’d start making the trip to the laundromat. I have a feeling that your privacy is more important to you than the drive or the money. Future Mother-In-Law visited us a year or two ago in our old apartment. I asked her son to please clean the kitchen (which he was supposed to do after I cooked the night before…) so that his mom wouldn’t visit a dirty home. He had a day off from school, so I figured it was no big deal since his mom would not be at our place until late in the afternoon.


I came home to my then boyfriend’s mom cleaning our WHOLE apartment. I was livid. At my fi for not being an adult and cleaning himself, and at his mom for still thinking she needed to clean up after him. More than that, I was mad at his mom for invading MY privacy and getting all up in my shit… She even looked through my drawers at one point, trying to find socks. She found something else instead….

Post # 35
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
@anonym1:  I’m sorry you’re dealing with such an overprotective mama bear!  but this isn’t going to change, possibly ever, so it’s important for you and your fiance to make sure you are on the same page about it RIGHT NOW.  He will have to support you every time this comes up as an issue, because you’re going to be butting heads with her over things for the rest of your life.  She wants to run the show and she wants to take care of everyone.  She doesn’t even realize probably that she’s being offensive, but it will bring up resentment later, so it needs to be dealt with as soon as possible. You won’t be able to break her of her mothering, so you will need to work with her and be as understanding as possible, and as resilient as possible.  She’s going to push you, because she just wants to take care of her little boy, and if you do it differently from her, she’ll worry that you’re not taking good enough care of him when she’s not there.

The best plan of attack – when possible to concede to her ways, do.  Make it a point to say to her that you appreciate the way she does things, she takes such good care of everyone, you want to do the same thing, etc., to stroke her ego.  She’s hurting every time she can’t be there for him to take care of him and just yearns for that again, which is why she’s so pushy about her ways vs yours.  I totally agree with you on pill popping and breaking your fiance of that habit, but she probably won’t budge on that unless HE is the one who says that he feels better without the pills or whatever.  So anyway, my advice is, try to make peace with her by occasionally conceding to her and try to gain her respect as a caregiver without fighting her.  You can do it – you both just want the best for your fiance, keep that in mind when things get tough!

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