(Closed) FMIL and ex-husband Drama

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I have dealt with a very similar situation with Future Mother-In-Law (pm me for details – don’t want to put it all out here since it’s such a bizarre situation). 

I’m not sure everyone is capable of this,, but I found that when dealing with my Future Mother-In-Law,, it’s best to literally walk away/ignore her when she gets “crazy”.  After A LOT of pain, heartbreak, and almost breaking up Fiance and I,, I decided I wouldn’t let her ruin or have any negative effect on my life.. so when she starts up, I show her I won’t tolerate her BS and walk away.

 

Post # 4
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If at all possible, your FH is the one who should be handling this with his mother. “Mom, I know that you hate Future Father-In-Law, and that he hurt you deeply. But I need to find out who he is on my own.  FW is supporting me in this. Please try to understand that it has nothing to do with you, and don’t punish either of us for this. It won’t change my relationship with you unless you force it to.”

Post # 6
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@secretsquirrel11:

some racist comments (which I am not allowed to respond to–because if I do then it shows how I “don’t feel worthy” to be marrying into their caucasian family).

=O  Um, that is horrendous. You should not be forced to put up with being disrespected that way!!!

Obviously, you are the best judge of how to handle it, and if it’s not worth the aggravation of addressing this, I completely understand. But I just wanted to say that, all else being equal, your Fiance should be telling his mother in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS that she is not to talk to you like that. The notion that objecting to racism is somehow an indication that YOU feel inferior is a neat sleight of hand. (And by “neat sleight of hand” I mean “disgustingly manipulative.”)  Standing up to racism shows self-respect, not the opposite.

Ok, off my soapbox now.  Good luck dealing with this particular flower of white womanhood.  She sounds like a real piece of work.

Post # 7
Member
572 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I didn’t know my Brother-In-Law was getting married, LOL.

If she just does this in front of you, as PP said, you have to show her that you won’t tolerate her comments.  Even if it’s in front of your Fiance and he won’t do anything, you have to show her what you won’t tolerate.  Ignore the emails about Father-In-Law and FB; if she starts in on it in front of you during conversation, get up and leave.  My Mother-In-Law has always been negative about Father-In-Law (just like yours) but in the past she would make comments about how Darling Husband should get to know his dad, “It’s good that he calls you every once in awhile, at least he is now making the effort”, etc.  So Darling Husband did.  And she was mad as hell when she found out we had lunch with him or whatever.  If this is the only bad thing to your relationship, I would urge you to tell her that her comments about Father-In-Law make you want to be around her less because it is so negative.  It may seem simple and you think you can just tolerate it but after awhile it can wear you down real quick. 

It really is up to your FI; if he’s tired of he comments, he needs to say something.

Post # 10
Member
5096 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

@secretsquirrel11: I totally get that. Good luck with it all, and just keep in mind that you two aren’t the ones who are being unreasonable here!

The topic ‘FMIL and ex-husband Drama’ is closed to new replies.

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