Post # 1
Had/having a major fight with my Future in laws but mostly my mother in law. So, my Future Mother-In-Law and were very close up until a few days ago. Looking back I think a little too close we talked about everything even relationships.
The background is that a few months ago they decided to rent out there house and quit their jobs and move. They spend 3 months in Switzerland were they are originally from. They then moved into a room in the barn on the property that we rent. They have been a many adjustments with this. At first it seemed fine but they have had a hard time finding work. The business they wanted to start will not work.
Before this fight there was a big fight with my fiancé, over him not wanting to spend time with them? So, anyway a long story short we decided that we should purchase a home. I was not so into this idea given that we have a wedding and other projects in the hopper. We also work full time I work in agriculture lending and Fiancé is a truck driver and regularly work 12+ hour days. Well, we all start looking and looking. We had very specific wants and needs in a home. One of the main things has been location. I wanted to be near work and the town I have lived in for over 7 years. I’m very active in the community and volunteer groups. At the current time my fiancé commutes 45 mins. We also have sheep and horses so we need land.
So, after 3-4 months we find a house and there a few things I don’t like about it but everyone else loves it. I express my feelings about not liking it and I guess I should have kept my mouth shut and just agreed. Now my in-laws are telling me what a horrible person I’m and that I’m selfish. They feel their son should not marry me because I’m just using him and going to hurt him. That I’m just jealous of lots of people and I never compromise. They I have talked down to them and their family. Which is so not true I love my fiancé and his family and I don’t want to hurt anyone. We have been together over 4 years? They said that at first they liked me but now can see my true colors and have for a while and just didn’t say anything. My Future Mother-In-Law stated several things that I have done to hurt her has borrowing her car and not keeping it clean and not keeping their room clean when they were gone. She also said that I’m lazy and I’m always getting out of work. I just said I was sorry and I didn’t want to hurt anyone but that I did not want to be bullied in to buying a house. She also said that I need counseling and I’m very bad with money. So, it me or what? How do I fix this? Fiancé has been supportive and told his parents this is his life and to stay out of it. Please ask any questions as I can’t include every detail or this post would be super long. We would be buying the house ourselves with a loan and I would be paying the down payment out of my 401k. Another thing is that I know they have commented on how we spend our time, money and how we save. They both think we spent way too much money on my ring.
Post # 3
I don’t understandy why or how a wedding can bring out so much drama I though I was pass all of this. Thinking of changing the wedding to a very small quick event.
Post # 4
This is sad, I have been very dissapointed with FIs family lately, not his parents but the rest of his family is verry selfish. I was really upset by some comments that were made and how some things were handled, Fiance told me “the only family that mattesr is you, me, my parents and your parents” Really made me feel good that he supported me that way, that I come first! I told Fiance that I didnt really want to go to any of his family events for a while, I need the space, told him he could go but I was going to stay away b/c my feeling had really really been hurt, he understands and supports that.
You should not buy a house you are not in love with! I say elope, save the money and find the house of your dreams 🙂
Post # 5
Having never bought a house or lived with in-laws, I have no real advice to offer :/ I just wanted to say that I think, since you and your Fiance will be paying for the house, and you’re the one making the down payment, you should definitely be in love with whatever house you end up buying. If you don’t love it, it doesn’t get bought. End of story. If Future In-Laws want more say, then they need to contribute some funds.
It sounds to me like your Future Mother-In-Law is having a tantrum because she can’t get the house she wants. Your Fiance supports you and has told his parents to stay out of it. The fact that he is standing up for you over them tells me that your FMIL’s judgments of your character are completely whack and are based on her upset feelings and not on your actual personality.
She might also feel betrayed because of the closeness you two shared and now you are suddenly both on opposites sides of a pretty big debate. Maybe she thought you would be willing to sacrifice your wants for the sake of your good relationship with each other? I don’t know. I do know that, if I had to move in with my son and his fiancee, and I wasn’t contributing any funds to the purchase of the new house, I’d shut up and live wherever they wanted to live. Anything else, I feel, is just rude.
I’m sorry your relationship with her is suffering. I hope it all works out for you.
Post # 6
@Future Mrs K: So sorry you have to deal with that but your Fi sounds like a great person. Thanks for the support
@HeyKaraoke: Thanks for the comment and I think you might be right.
Post # 7
- Wedding: August 2012 - Sunset Harbour
Well there is NO WAY that I would buy a house and live with them, thats for sure. They are adults and since they arent helping to pay for this home, and you are allowing them to live there, they have no say.
Post # 8
Are they planning to live with you in the house you buy? I sure hope not!
Post # 9
So, to update they moved out! We have decided to not buy a house till after the wedding. We may still move to a diferent rental that is cheaper but not sure yet. My Future Mother-In-Law is acting like nothing happened now. Fiance did have another talk with them. I still feel very strange and like I need to watch my back.