(Closed) FMIL and FSIL

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Vent away.  The counselling will take awhile to really impact your relationship. You’re on your way to reconciling the relationship and building a stronger foundation for the both of you. 

Good luck!

Post # 4
5981 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

You let that out here honey, it’ll only cause trouble in your neck of the woods….my in laws are so awful!  I’m actually surprised that Mr. 99 survived at all since I’m convinced that the hoarde of souless backstabbers that bore him routinely eat their young….

Post # 5
3943 posts
Honey bee

@mayflowerbride13:  Regarding her gown choice-just let that go. My mom doesn’t have a dress yet, and my wedding is 18 days away. You have to pick your battles during wedding planning, and her gown isn’t one of them. Your mom should get whatever dress she wants, the lengths don’t have to match.

Post # 6
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@mayflowerbride13:  Look at it this way: at the wedding your MIL will look out of place with her long gown. She will look like she is trying to take the spotlight.

As for your FSIL..get the formal BMs pictures taken at the church but at the reception have the photog take many photos ofyou and your other friendlier BMs for you to have!

Post # 7
1172 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2013

@mayflowerbride13:  Scream here if you need too. I cant tell you that Im am so greatful my FMIL hates me that she doesnt want anything to do with our wedding..She actually handed me FI’s wedding album from his first wife for ideas…She nuts but she is a hands off, hoping I drop dead before the wedding nut…LOL…Its almost over…Just remember that in the end you marry the man of your dreams and no matter how much plotting she does, your still gonna be his wife…

If you want…I will make a voodoo doll of her and set it on fire in the drive way tonight…Kidding but it made you smile!!!

Post # 8
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@mayflowerbride13:  I haven’t read your previous posts (at least I don’t remember having read them).  When it comes to her dress, let her wear whatever she wants.  Don’t look for more trouble.

Regarding the relationship with her your SIL – go into every situation with NO EXPECTATIONS.  I’m continuing to learn this, and actually practice it, so trust me, I know how hard that is.  I come from a progressive family, we’re very open, loving, we whole-heartedly care about one another, we simply want what’s best for everyone.  My husband’s Mom and Dad… they are polar opposites.  But I went into a relationship/marriage with him EXPECTING them to be just like my own family.  Guess what?  It’s not happening, and it will NEVER happen.

When it comes to your interactions with them, don’t let your pride or your ego get in the way.  You win by handling nasty comments, passive-agressiveness, selfishness, etc by disengaging.  If your MIL or SIL makes an annoying, or disparaging remark, say “I really don’t appreciate you speaking to me that way.”  Or even more simply, “That’s very rude.”  Then remove yourself, don’t entertain and further conversation.

One thing that’s helped is I’ve created a list of “off-limits” topics.  These are things that are really important to me and I will address or have my husband address if they are brought up and slandered in any way.  Here they are – 1.  My marriage.  2.  My house.  3.  My children.  4.  My dog.  5.  My family (i.e. parents, sister, neices, etc).  Outside of those things, it’s in one ear out the other.

I guess what I’m getting at is don’t sweat the small stuff.  Don’t look for trouble, don’t seek reasons to be mad, don’t find ways to prove they are assholes.  If your SIL flakes on you, so be it.  If your MIL looks like jackass in a formal gown at your wedding, it is what it is.

Try to think of those things, those zero tolerance topics, and make sure they are really and truly important to you (don’t pick keeping commitments or dress attire, get it?).  And work within those parameters.  When disparaging remarks are made about those topics, and those topics only, then you can address it.  And address it with class and maturity.  Then disengage. 

Good luck!!!

Post # 9
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Sorry you’re dealing with the in laws from hell. I say let your FMIL wear what she wants to wear she will be the one looking like a fool.

DH and I had a casual wedding and his mom showed up in something similar to this but in a blueish green. So not age appropriate and she looked ridiculous. People talked about how out of place she looked the whole night and some still make comments about it.                                  

Post # 11
895 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@mayflowerbride13- Yup thank your lucky stars lol my MIL did in fact look ridiculous wearing that to a casual wedding  haha

Post # 12
3773 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I remember your posts about your FMIL and the only thing I can say is to stop talking to her about the wedding. Plan away just you and your FI.

My MIL is a piece too and to be honest on my wedidng day I am not sure I even talked to her. there were so many people there that I was surrounded by those I love and that is what I focused on.

The ugly feelings will get better after the wedding and eventually you just will look back and roll your eyes at her ridiculousness:)

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