(Closed) FMIL and guest list (long)

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
768 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2010

I think you’re fine inviting 170. But I would cap it at that. Tell her NO MORE than 170 can be invited. Boundaries are tough. Especially when they’re nice. lol.

Post # 4
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

OMG!  Finally, finally a family member adding to the guest list who actually politely offers to pay for the extra heads.  That never seems to happen!

Does she know the size constraints of your venue?  You should tell her ASAP.  90% is a high turn out, but it’s much better to be safe than sorry.  Could you work on a B-list with her?  You’d send out invitations a few weeks earlier so that you have a chance to examine the yield before inviting more people.  Just make sure if you go the B-list route with any additional guests she wants that none of her B-listers are close with the A-listers.  Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds refreshingly reasonable so I imagine if you explain this to her, you two can work out a strategy easily.

Post # 5
Member
1573 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I would speak to her and cap her off before it gets out of control.  I agree with Chicagobride, have an A-list and B-list.  Then you know you won’t be overextending yourself.

Post # 6
Member
2208 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

You are in a good position to talk to her because you have such a legitimate reason. I would say all of the nice things first, and just let her know this is just about logistics. At 170, I am SURE you are fine. She will also have better insight into who will actually come, how far away they live, etc. If you present it as working WITH her, that will go a long way, I imagine. And the more involved she feels, the better things may be, so at least project the idea that this is about her wonderful and generous involvement.

Post # 7
Member
2532 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Oh I TOTALLY understand your situation!!! My venue as well only holds 150…..she said that her and Fis father get 50 people to invite, my parents get 50 people to invite, Fiance gets 25 and I get 25….This worked out just dandy until…..her and Fis fathers number went from 60 to 84 making our invite list over 180!!!! Some of the people I had never even heard of….

I would just try to be honest with her, but really your fiance is the one that should be talking to her. Its his mother and he needs to work this out with her. Good luck!!!

Post # 9
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would talk to her and say “look LEGALLY we can only have 150.Who on this list is a must-invite, who is a should invite and who is “well it would be nice to invite”? perhaps some of her friends could be a B list invite.

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