Post # 1
We have reached the point in planning where we need to start thinking about the rehearsal dinner. My FI’s parents have graciously offered to pay for it, but they aren’t taking what we want into consideration. I know that makes me sound like a brat, but they are making things so complicated!
All of our wedding weekend activities are taking place in the downtown section of our hometown. There are tons of things to do for guests to do during their downtime and no one will have to drive anywhere. We have events where alcohol is involved each day of the weekend so it is very important to me that we don’t have to worry about everyone finding rides, paying for cabs, or drinking and driving. Plus, our wedding is very centered in the history of our town so it just makes sense that all of our events take place there.
Our vision: Either pizza and beer at our favorite microbrewery where the welcome party will be held immediately after (about 3 blocks from the rehearsal site) -or- chips and sandwiches in the park where the rehearsal/ceremony will take place and then an hour or two for everyone to freshen up before the welcome party.
Their vision: After the rehearsal (ends at 5:30) we pack all 30 people into cars and drive 45 minutes to go to FMIL’s house to for sandwiches and beer. Then we have to drive 45 minutes back downtown for the welcome party.
Again, I know that I sound like a brat, but I don’t want to find rides for 30 people and spend an hour and a half in the car that could be spent getting ready for that night’s party for a damn turkey sandwich. I’ve told her I really want to keep everything downtown, but she is adamant that everyone must go to her house. Aargh.
Post # 3
Why does she want everyone to go to her house? Cost? Keep pointing out that 90 minutes of driving back and forth, especially when there’s drinking, is a bad idea. To be honest, if it were me, I’d probably skip the dinner after the rehearsal and meet back up with you at the welcome party…
I don’t think you sound like a brat at all. It sounds unnecessarily complicated.
Post # 4
Well, the way I see it is it IS her party, so she gets final say. Mention the transportation part and have her figure it out…she may come around and do it the way you want after thinking about it.
Post # 5
It does sound like it would work out better your way. Although she has been generous by offering to host, you might have to politely decline her offer and do it your way.
Also it wouldn’t really be your responsibility to transport everyone, but it does make it more likely that some people won’t come if they don’t want to worry about it.
And finally . . I used to live in Columbus GA!
Post # 6
“MIL and Father-In-Law, I’m sorry but we’ve decided to cover the rehearsal dinner costs ourselves. We appreciate your generous offer but would prefer to do things our way and would not ask you to pay for something that you do not want to do.”
Post # 7
@abbie017: It can’t be cost. The sandwiches in the park would actually be cheaper because there wouldn’t be any alcohol! She always wants to have parties at her house. In fact, she offered to host an engagement party for us, then cancelled two days before the party so we ended up having to have the party at our house and look like we threw a party for ourselves.
@ItWasntMe: I’ve mentioned it before, but she doesn’t seem to understand that people will be just getting into town and will not want to hop back in the car and some won’t even have a car. I just have to hope she stops trying to do everything in the most complicated way possible.
@Natalieh86: If she won’t give in I might just have to take over. It’s not a financial issue. Sammies in the park wouldn’t even cost $50, I just know that she will be really hurt if we don’t let her host. Small world! Military?
Post # 8
The groom’s parents traditionally host the rehearsal dinner. It is great that they offered, but it can create some challenges meshing with the couple’s vision.
Basically you are both talking about a casual, low key dinner, the only point of contention is the location.
I would have your Fiance have a discussion with her. He could try to find out what is the stumbling block for her re having it in town. Is it that she won’t feel like the hostess? Is she copncerned about the lack of facilities at the park?
The biggest concern that he could raise is the concern about the liability issues of asking people to drive 45 min back to town after drinking at her house. If she gets that, then I would ask her how she plans to organize safe transportion for people to get back to town without driving.
I think it would greatly enhance your future relationship with her if you can find a way for her to still host the dinner.
Post # 9
I agree with PPs that you either need to let this go or pay for the rehearsal dinner yourself. Let Future Mother-In-Law worry about transportation for all the guests, and if some guests can’t find a ride, they just won’t go.
Post # 10
@cant.wait.to.be.mrs.d: Nope not military, I’m not entirely sure why my Dad was working there. It was only for a couple of years when I was a kid. All I remember is I went to Kindergarten at St. Anne.
Post # 11
- Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry
I am going to have ENOUGH stuff to do the day before the wedding, then waste an hour and a half commuting to the rehearsal dinner. :)-
I understand that she wants to host at her house, but this is a *huge* inconvenience for everyone involved. If I was in the wedding party, I might be inclined to skip it. And since she bailed on you once before, I would be a little wary. What about her hosting a day after brunch or breakfast?