(Closed) FMIL and SIL issue

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 18
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry about the therapy appointment but as others said, do you want to live like this the rest of your life?  You have a choice, even though you may not see it now.  I’m seeing as you will never be #1.  He believes his family over you WHEN YOU HAVE PROOF of what they did.  Yet he still does not believe you.  That is ridiculous.  Is he going to allow his family to treat your kids this way?

Trust your gut on this one, ams. 

I actually meant to post “You can’t reason with crazy” instead of “You can’t change crazy.”

And if your Dear Fiance says that things will change when you get married, that is such a myth.  You need ‘proof’ that things will change now before you sign up for a life of this.  In all honesty, I would put a hold on wedding plans until he can get his priorities in order.  Maybe losing you, or the possibility of losing you, will be a wake up call to him?

Post # 19
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

>>I think he thinks if he just says it to me then it all goes away, he doesn’t realize that in order for it to “go away” is by him actually doing something.<<

Actions speak louder than words, 100%.  I hear you on that!

Post # 21
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

I’m so glad everything worked out for you!  Let us know how it goes when he talks to his family about it.

Post # 22
Member
4544 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

It sounds like you found a good counseler and I’m happy for you 🙂 Either he alone or you both need to continue to go. As someone who is dealing with setting boundaries with a mentally ill mother, I can tell you how important it is to stick to those boundaries. It takes a LOT of work and continued effort. It’s not a one time deal. Time will tell if this is something your Fiance is able to do (hopefully it is!). As another poster said, this is his normal. It will take some time for him to adjust to what normal really is and to standing up to his sister and mother. Good luck! I didn’t mean to sound at all harsh, just wanted to let you know that it’s a long process full of hard work, so I would still be cautious until his actions speak louder than his words (aka, he’s setting boundaries and sticking to them).

Post # 23
Member
1408 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

View original reply
I agree with azure6700 all the way! He needs to choose- the woman he loves or his toxic family! I also agree that you shouldn’t even invite these people to your wedding! I have a feeling they’d have you spending the whole day crying, anxious, upset, and completely distracted from concentrating on the love you are sharing with your Fiance, family, and friends. You may also want to go into pre-marital counceling, as it sounds like you’re very hurt by his lack of of standing up for you and maybe if you two talk about this issue with a neutral 3rd party you can work it out between you.

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