Post # 1
So long story short, my Future Mother-In-Law and her daughter (my FSIL) have had a rough relationship that past 8 years. Her daughter ran away at 18,eloped and got pregnant all within a month time. since then her daughter got divorced about 3 years ago and remarried, someone she still doesn’t approve of. My Future Mother-In-Law gave her a rough time with her first marriage since she never approved and when her daughter and husband would come down for the holidays it would always end up in a huge fight. Fast forward 8 years later…her daughter is remarried To a guy she doesn’t like (which I kinda don’t blame her)
He doesn’t talk, all he does is sit on the couch and watch tv, doesn’t bother to communicate with that family, is not that nice to his step son (my Future Mother-In-Law grandchild of first marriage) and just has a bad attitude. Keep in mind they live 10hours away so they only vist about 2 times a year and when they do he acts like this. It’s complety obvious her new husband does not like my Future Mother-In-Law and my Future Sister-In-Law does nothing to help the situation out.
my fiancé and I are now planning our wedding and already sent out our Save the dates.
For some reason now my Future Sister-In-Law is telling my Future Mother-In-Law she will not be attending our wedding because we never show up to her events “she has never sent us an invite, and we also live 10houes away” i feel like telling her “sorry Hun but you have never invited us to one of your parties I didn’t even know it was that important to you” but I cant!
I also found out yesterday when my fiancé was skyping with his nephew (he is 8) that he said “my mom hates your mom” to my fiancé and he also said “my mom isn’t going to your wedding but I’m going to go with my aunt ___ and uncle___” I just found that it so sad that an 8 year old child was saying this and I think it’s super rude of my fiances sister just to ship off her child with her aunt in a long 10hour car ride.
i do not even want children attending my wedding and was only going to make an exception for my fiances sister because its his only nephew and he has such a small family compared to mine amd that they would be making such a long trip to come to our wedding that it would be the right thing to do! But now finding out only the child is attending?!?? Just blows my mind.
On top of that I’m having a candy bar at my wedding and I just told my Future Mother-In-Law we were having a candy bar so people can take home as one of there favors and she started saying how *fiances nephew name* is going to be all over that and love to eat up all the candy at the candy bar! hello!! This is why I didnt want kids! Now his mother won’t even be there to care for him! My Future Mother-In-Law was also saying how the whole wedding she will be running after the kid. I feel like that is not her job and she needs to enjoy and relax at my wedding, since she has never even attended on of her children’s weddings because she basically eloped both times. I just feel like my Future Mother-In-Law is an enabler to her daughter and her daughter is an over grown brat child.
any suggestion? Sorry this was so long, please ask questions if you are confused about something.
Post # 2
not your circus, not your monkeys.
That said, can you hire a minder for your nephew? would keep him under control and allow your mil to enjoy the wedding.
Post # 3
Count it as a blessing if your Future Sister-In-Law is not attending bc who needs her, though she should have simply declined instead of talking about you the way she did. Do you have to invite the nephew, at this point? If so then I agree you probably should get someone to look after him. What a sucky situation for you!
Post # 4
“my mom isn’t going to your wedding but I’m going to go with my aunt ___ and uncle___”
Whilst I think it pretty awful to send your 8 year old child to to a wedding you will not be at yoruself, ( and seriously rude not to RSVP properly anyway) doesn’t it mean that the uncle and aunt will therefore be responsible for the child if this eventuates ? I’m a bit confused as to who they are actually, another of your FI’s siblings and spouse ? In which case they would just naturally look after the child, their nephew wouldn’t they ?
As pps have said, you are frankly better off if Future Sister-In-Law doesn’t come. What about her husband incidentally, is he not coming either? All this seems to be on the say-so of an 8 year old , not the most reliable interpreters of complicated situations……..altho I was kind of impressed he knew his uncle’s mother was also his grandmother. He said ‘my mom hates your mom , not my mom hates grandma’ !
so I’m thinking all of this may not happen. I’d just hang on for a bit and see what pans out . Maybe get Fi to clarify a bit , its his sister .
Post # 5
the little boy is fairly articulate for an 8 year old. But my fiancé only has one sister, so the aunt and uncle that he would be going with is his Second aunt I suppose. I just don’t find her and her husband reliable. They have an 11 year old son and they let him get away with anything and never disipline him. So I knew my fiances nephew will be running around… Ugh it’s rude that now I will have to be paying for a sitter for a child who’s parents aren’t even going. And yes I know the boy is telling the truth about his mom and step dad not coming to the wedding, my Future Mother-In-Law even told me it was “up in the air still” but that is because she is still trying to convince her daughter to come. :/
Post # 6
Yep, time to declare it an adult only wedding. Sending an un-supervized 8 year old is not a good idea. If the kid’s aunt/uncle bring him, they’ll also bring their 11 year old son:”They have an 11 year old son and they let him get away with anything and never disipline him.” That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen. Good luck!
Post # 7
I’m gonna go against the grain here and advocate for your 8 year old nephew. I find it fairly obvious that he’s going to your wedding, not out of family obligation (“my mother made me come”) but because he actually wants to. He’s well aware of the family dynamics at play and yet here he is a kid who lacks a father figure and positive couple role models asking to be present at your union. I’d totally welcome the kid with open arms (let him get into trouble with the other cousin if it comes to that) and give him a NORMAL, loving, family oriented and drama free day. So he’ll eat all of the candy…nobody will notice. So his grandmother and/or other aunts and uncles will have to keep an eye on him…that’s normal. I say let the kid be there to witness his uncle and bride get married and have a good time with his family instead of the drama he usually sees. Who knows, he might turn out to be your favorite nephew at some point in life.
Your FSIL? F*ck her. Not worth your time.