Post # 1
Hi all! Just getting some opinions here and wondering what you guys think. My Fiance and I planned on renting the suits for himself and the groomsmen for our wedding in June. We’ve already gone to the consultation and picked out what we like and put down a (very small) deposit. My Future Mother-In-Law has asked us multiple times throughout the planning process if we’ve considered having the groomsmen buy their suits from JcPenny or another similar department store. She told us this would be a good idea because the men could then keep their suits to wear again, therefore getting more for their money. Keep in mind that most of the groomsmen are guys who either will never need a suit for anything, or probably already have one.
We told her we like the idea of renting, because it would be more convenient for the guys (who all live in different states) to go to the tux shop where everything is already in order, than having to go to a store or online to find the same suit as everyone else. Also, the tux rental includes accessories like shoes and things like that.
After our initial consultation, my Future Mother-In-Law said, “The reason I keep asking is because I was just going to end up paying my boys’ suits, and it’s a better investment if the men get to keep their suits”. My Fiance has two brothers who are groomsmen, so she would hypothetically be paying for three rentals (my FI’s is free because of some promotion they were doing).
We never asked her to pay for the suits. We had told her multiple times that we were just planning on renting, before she even told us that she was planning on paying for them. I’m not sure what to do, because it’s nice of her to offer to pay, but with everything else going on, the last thing I want to do is go shopping for suits and organizing it so everyone can get the same thing. Also, there are two other groomsmen who would still be on the hook for having to buy a much more expensive suit that they might never wear again.
I’m planning on just telling her that we are going to rent them and if she doesn’t want to pay for them because of that, it’s totally fine. Which it is! Again, we never asked or expected her to pay for anything. It’s just kind of an awkward situation, and I don’t want to appear rude to her!
I know it’s kind of random, but has anyone been in a similar situation before? Where a family member offered to pay for something, but you’d kind of rather do your own thing?
Post # 2
Yeah, that is kind of awkward but I think she just has to roll with it if she wants them in the wedding. We too looked at buying a suit at JcPenny’s and honestly, the guys preferred renting because it was less of a hassle. Some suits may not be in everyone’s size at a department store. We tried our very best though to get costs as low as possible, because it does suck to shell out money to rent an outfit for a day. One thing that we did was, instead of getting the free suit rental for Darling Husband, the other guys just got a nice discount on theirs and Darling Husband paid for his. Regardless, I would just get your Fiance to let her know that you guys are renting.
Post # 3
bee123456789 : Yeah, I agree! I believe they do have some kind of deal where we can “spread out” the discount to make everyone’s cheaper, so we will see what we can do. I also told my Fiance that he’s in charge of figuring it out from here haha. His mom isn’t totally unreasonable, and either way I think she’ll be fine (or at least pretend to be). I’m obviously not experienced with this sort of stuff, and I’m always trying to keep etiquette in mind while still standing my ground!
Post # 4
Are you paying for the cost of renting the suits? If you are, then, girl, you do you. If you aren’t, I would suggest asking the groomsmen what their preference would be. Maybe they would prefer a little bit of the hassle to own a suit for just a little more than it would cost to buy it.
Post # 5
If the plan has been to rent suits and that has been agreed upon by the adults participating in the wedding, then their preferences take precedence over FMIL’s suggestion.
I would write her back and say “We appreciate your offer but we are going to rent the suits as originally planned.” and then express appreciation for her intention of paying for “her boys'” suits but that that plan doesn’t work for the group as a whole and that you weren’t expecting money from her and do not want her to feel obligated.
Post # 6
My FH has a $2000 suit in his closet that he wore once.
just explain to her it’s not actually saving money if they never wear it again.
Post # 7
If the plan is for the men to all pay for their own suits or rental, but that the Mother-In-Law would pay for your FI’s brothers then I would ask them all what they prefer. The other Groomsmen might also prefer to pay a little more but get to keep the suit.
Post # 8
If she wants to buy her sons’ suits, let her. That doesn’t mean that’s what they’ll be wearing to your wedding. If she wants her sons to own suits so badly, nothing is stopping her from buying them.
Post # 9
josie7 : I dislike rentals because they tend to have limited scope for alterations and you end up with a bunch of people wearing matching, ill-fitting (usually) suits.
We just asked the groomsmen to wear grey suits and white shirts. We gave them the cost of a rental towards it (as they all had grey suits so could wear something they already owned) and bought the ties.
If we had wanting matching suits we would have gone with standard suits tailored where needed, and paid.
Post # 10
It’s her choice to pay for it, you just tell her what you’re doing (renting) and she can make her own choice. Of course if there’s the option to either buy or rent identical suits then your groomsmen could decide individually what they want to do.
Post # 11
We actually asked the GMs what they preferred to do and they chose to buy their suit. We went with an online company that had great reviews to accommodate the out of state groomsmen. It was maybe 50 dollars more. If that after all the discounts. My Fiance actually got a tux for a very discounted price and a free suit from it. (not that that is why we went that route) all the GMs preferred paying money towards something that they were actually going to have a gain. Most of them wear suits for work and job interviews though so it was a wise investment for them. We really liked the company. I THINK it was called combat gent? The staff was very nice and they walk you through the measurements and they have an emergency plan for if the suit they send you didn’t fit you and it was close to the wedding. It really worked out well for us and all the suits fit great and needed minimal tailoring (just hem pant legs for some of the shorter guys in the party). We really liked working with them and it wasn’t that much more expensive then renting and then we bought all of their ties.
I would maybe price it out and see what the difference between the two might be. It might be very minimal. I would then just ask and see what the guys want to do.
Post # 12
Sorry bee, but I’m pro buying as well. That’s her preference since she’s paying for some of the suits, so the other guys may have the same preference. I would ask them.
Our guys bought suits for our wedding so they could be altered. It was $230 including alterations which was around the same price as a rental. One guy already had a black suit from another wedding so he just wore that.
Could you compromise and pick a suit for the guys who want to rent and one for the guys who want to buy? A suit is a suit and as long as they’re the same color no one will notice a difference.
Post # 13
These are all awesome suggestions! I will have to look more into it.
We have talked to all the guys, and as I suspected, they all said, “It’s up to you.” I think for their purposes, they would rather have something that is cheaper out of pocket, as opposed to spending more for something they won’t wear again.
It’s been an interesting issue haha. But if this is the biggest thing I run into, then I’m fine with that!
Post # 14
josie7 : suits are fairly generic…why won’t they wear it again? It’s not like the gold sequined bridesmaids gowns my girlfriends bought for my wedding (although 2 did say they wore them again! lol). Even if it’s only a few times for future weddings, funerals, job interviews, etc almost every man has the need to wear a suit at least a few times in their lives. I’d vote for buying.
Post # 15
I’d be really annoyed if Darling Husband was basically forced to buy a certain suit for a wedding. They aren’t cheap! Plus all the shopping….ugh. Darling Husband is horrible about it. He’d much rather walk in, be measured, and have the suit ready to go on the day of. I could see it being different if your Fiance hangs with a crowd that frequently wears suits, but that’s just not the case for us.
I think our suit rentals were like $200, and that was one of the priciest options.