(Closed) FMIL Angry- Demands Invitations For Friends

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 32
679 posts
Busy bee

View original reply
@MissCoffeeBean:  Given your most recent bit about her behavior, absolutely not.

Tell her where to stick those extra invites she so desires. Your Fiance needs to deal w/ his mother. If she’s decided to be rude to you and your parents, she definitely doesn’t deserve a say in anything having to do w/ your day. If things were peachy, i’d say sure, let her invite a friend or two, but not given that she’s behaved as such.

Post # 34
294 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Gee whose wedding is this?   I would be a “bitch” and say NO!.    

Post # 35
6889 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Oh hell no not unless she is going to cough up the money for the extra 10 people she can just butt out.  Not her wedding and she isn’t paying

Post # 36
2176 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

its hard to say from your post – but seems like you really don’t like you Mother-In-Law already….

I think that yes it is reasonable for the parents of the groom to invite some friends however that should come out of their “allotment” (either 50%/50% bride/grooms sides or 33% bride parents/33% B&G friends/ 33% groom parent) This might mean that she has to decide does she want Tracey or Uncle Paul but that should be somewhat her decision. I do think that it is ok to put a limit on this (so she gets 30 seats total and 25 are family so that means she has 5 p left) and that you shouldn’t let youself get bullied about “have to invite so and so”





Post # 37
2466 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I do wanna note that in OP’s defense…a few pp have said “why cant they have some invites….its only going to be your side” but in post #17 OP has indicated her Fiance side of the family has 50% of the invites….

its not that they had any less people then her side they just ran out of numbers! Only close fam and friends have been invited and I had the same issue. We gave each side a limit as to how many people they could have and when we reached the limit everyone was complaining about this person and this one need to be invited, what about this person and this ones 3 dogs…etc….like enough is enough.

Future Mother-In-Law has people invited…. shes insisting on MORE! I told my IL’s if you want to invite any more then X amount your coughing up the money…end of story. I ended up being bullied into inviting a bunch of extra in the last weeks and caved just because I was stressed out and guess what? they didnt even show….. that was AWESOME… $175 per person awesome!!!! (rolling eyes)

stick to your guns OP

Post # 38
330 posts
Helper bee

It’s your wedding… do what you want! #period

Post # 39
11529 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I was prepared to comment that, since your Future Mother-In-Law is not paying, she cannot insist that you invite certain guests.

However, I suddenly thought about the fact that, TRADITIONALLY, the bride’s parents paid for the wedding, BUT the groom’s family had an opportunity to include a number of guests of their choosing as well. Likewise, traditionally, the groom’s family usually paid for the rehearsal dinner.  This did not mean, however, that they could exclude guests of the bride’s family.

This is a sensitive issue, but I think that it’s not entirely unreasonable for the groom’s family to wish to invite some guests to your wedding.

Post # 40
3274 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

My Future Mother-In-Law is not paying at all but is inviting several friends. I think it’s polite to allow her to invite a few close friends, not everyone she knows though. 

Post # 42
1128 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Out of my 150 guest list I reserved 5 people to each parent 5 for mom 5 for dad and 5 for Future Mother-In-Law (FI’s dad died long time ago). My parents wanted more guest and agreed to pay for them.

If she wants them there, she has to pay. #sorrynotsorry

Post # 43
2375 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

 Before reading the updates, I was going to say it would be nice to extend her a few invitations. However, she already got half of the invitations! That is plenty. In almost every wedding, people have a finite number of people they can invite, and cuts have to be made. Stick to your guns, and have your fiance tell her. 

Post # 44
2196 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think it’s unreasonable for FH’s parents to invite peoplie but it does sound like she’s being a total bitch.

Like you, my parents are paying for the entire wedding & FMIL/FFIL aren’t contributing anything. But my family is huge (35/110 guests) and 12 of my parents friends are flying in from NZ so I was more than happy to let Future Mother-In-Law invite plenty of her friends (20 – two tables) to try and even things out a bit. However this only worked because FH and I are introverts and have a small group of friends so enough room.  

Even if they’re not paying I think it’s polite to allow Future Mother-In-Law to invite a few people… but then again I get on so well with FH’s parents that I never thought twice about it.  Keep in mind it is their son’s wedding after all, even if they aren’t contributing. Is it really worth upping the angst between you?

Post # 45
11266 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

View original reply
@MissCoffeeBean:  i do think your fi needs to tell his mother that you both want an intimate wedding.

there is no point in having random people there to watch us get married when we wouldn’t even feel comfortable inviting them to our house.  this is so true.  we had an intimate wedding too and we felt the same way when we were making our guest list.  would i buy a $200 dinner for this person if it wasn’t my wedding?? 

Post # 46
2211 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow.  She sent you a miserly $25 bill for you tagging along on a road trip?  Seriously, screw her wants and needs.  If your Fiance didn’t think about inviting these people, they should NOT be invited.

My Future Mother-In-Law provided my Fiance with a verbal list of 7 people she wanted at our wedding (all family we were already planning to invite) and then months later, after I finally figured out the guest list (so stressful!), produced a paper list of another 12 extended family members that Fiance had met twice in his life.  I almost crapped myself at brunch when she pulled it out of her purse.  As a concession, we invited 4 more from her list and told her we didn’t have room for the rest.  She was very insistent on wanting to invite all 12 extras and we heard about it for a couple of months, both from her and from FI’s siblings (UGH.  COMMUNICATE DIRECTLY!) which became very stressful, but Fiance stuck to his guns.  At least THOSE people were family; your Future Mother-In-Law is just nuts.

Totally have your Fiance cite your lack of space.  There just physically isn’t room for Stacey, et all.  That’s what we ended up doing (over and over again).

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