Post # 47
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@MissCoffeeBean: Get your husband on the same page. If you and your parents are paying, you get final say in the guest list. Your Future Mother-In-Law will have to get over it. This is a situation where your husband needs to speak to his mom and be firm about not including the additional people.
Post # 48
- Wedding: April 2019 - City, State
+1 I was just about to jump in and say something similar.
Post # 49
Well then, I’m officially letting you off the hook! If your Fiance is good with the guest list as is, and his (and her) family is represented, then phooey. She’ll live. Let him handle her!
Post # 50
These people weren’t even on your FI’s radar – makes it a slam dunk NO
Post # 52
I posted a really similar thread about this too! Probably the thing I hate most since planning the wedding. Total drama and totally selfish for others to think they have the privelege in having a say in YOUR wedding.
Post # 53
What does your fiance want to do?
Post # 54
This situation reminds me of THIS http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=quNQRlRA_lk
Truly epic mother-in-law-adding-to-wedding-guest-list-so-couple-elope ad that’s been playing here recently.
Post # 55
This. Right. Here. Don’t engage here any further. Do not give her the illusion that you’ll even entertain this idea with her by talking about. Conversation is done. Shell get the picture when she’s cut off from everything about the guest list.
Post # 56
@MissCoffeeBean: sounds like the story of my wedding planning! The bottom line is…it is your wedding, but if you dont compromise somehow – you may cause friction. Was I irritated/upset/bothered etc? YES. But the way I saw it, Fiance and I are going to be together forever & his parents (particularly mother) are going to be around for a long time as well. I didnt want to start off like that. So we did bring it up with her, but ended up allowing some to attend. Its such a difficult situation to deal with, especially depending on the character of the inlaws/family…
Post # 57
If YOUR AND YOUR Fiance don’t want them there, don’t invite them. But be very careful that you’re not refusing the extra guests just to spite your Future Mother-In-Law for the way she has treated you. Since it doesn’t address the actual problem, you won’t feel any better getting your way about this and will still resent her. That said, my future ILs haven’t made any demands on our guest list so I can’t really relate, but give it a few months before you start stressing over the guest list. It’s not worth the hair-tearing-out this early on, trust me.
Post # 58
No means no – you do NOT have to extend an extra 10 people. If the venue can’t accomodate, the venue can’t accomodate.
If the venue can accomodate and you choose to, you can send her an invoice (Net 15 or net 30) for the 10. If she pays AND her check clears, you are happy to send 10 people invites.
I’m anticipating Future Mother-In-Law invitation issues, and we’re dealing with it by just not sending any invites until we have to, to my in-laws.
Post # 59
Omg your comment reminds me of my Acct 101 days.
My Fiance is not interested in these people being there either, it’s not what we want, and they are people we would rather not be associated with. If I had a positive relationship with her, then maybe. If she was supportive about the wedding, then maybe. But it seems like she just wants to milk our wedding for what it’s worth, since she is so miserable that it is even happening. She even tried to get us to look at a venue further away because its one of her vacation spots and she could take a vacation after and only travel once. Um- no. We are not having a destination wedding so you can save $500 or whatever.
I hope you avoid all of these issues yourself. If it was my choice, my Fiance wouldn’t have brought it up around her without me there.
Post # 60
@MissCoffeeBean: That is tough – we went through the same thing. My Mother-In-Law is a peach (sarcasm) and she ended up insisting we invite a bunch of her friends on our dime. I threw my one and only bridezilla fit, my poor Fiance got caught in the middle, and we ended up compromising on a significantly smaller number than she originally wanted. If it was my parents, I absolutely would have put my foot down. Fiance is more of a people pleaser than me though 🙂
I also think it makes a difference if your parents are inviting friends or not. I can imagine your Mother-In-Law would have hurt feelings if your parents had friends at the reception and she didnt.
Post # 61
Hah. It might sound cold, but I look at it like a business project. Helps me keep my cool and maintain boundaries.
I’m sorry you have to deal with this. What’s happened has happened and she must understand her role in the situation.
Your Fiance needs to get on board, because his waffling is NOT helping. Sorry, but it isn’t. It just extends the pain and drama.
No means no, not maybe.