(Closed) FMIL Angry- Demands Invitations For Friends

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 47
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@MissCoffeeBean:  Get your husband on the same page.  If you and your parents are paying, you get final say in the guest list.  Your Future Mother-In-Law will have to get over it.  This is a situation where your husband needs to speak to his mom and be firm about not including the additional people.

Post # 48
Member
242 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2019 - City, State

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@shanbp:  

+1 I was just about to jump in and say something similar.

Post # 49
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@MissCoffeeBean:  Well then, I’m officially letting you off the hook!  If your Fiance is good with the guest list as is, and his (and her) family is represented, then phooey.  She’ll live.  Let him handle her!

Post # 50
Member
4810 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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@MissCoffeeBean:   These people weren’t even on your FI’s radar – makes it a slam dunk NO.    

Post # 52
Member
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I posted a really similar thread about this too! Probably the thing I hate most since planning the wedding. Total drama and totally selfish for others to think they have the privelege in having a say in YOUR wedding.

Post # 53
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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@MissCoffeeBean:  What does your fiance want to do?

Post # 55
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee

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@CurlyCue:  +10

This. Right. Here. Don’t engage here any further. Do not give her the illusion that you’ll even entertain this idea with her by talking about. Conversation is done. Shell get the picture when she’s cut off from everything about the guest list.

Post # 56
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  sounds like the story of my wedding planning! The bottom line is…it is your wedding, but if you dont compromise somehow – you may cause friction. Was I irritated/upset/bothered etc? YES. But the way I saw it, Fiance and I are going to be together forever & his parents (particularly mother) are going to be around for a long time as well. I didnt want to start off like that. So we did bring it up with her, but ended up allowing some to attend. Its such a difficult situation to deal with, especially depending on the character of the inlaws/family…

Post # 57
Member
766 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

If YOUR AND YOUR Fiance don’t want them there, don’t invite them. But be very careful that you’re not refusing the extra guests just to spite your Future Mother-In-Law for the way she has treated you. Since it doesn’t address the actual problem, you won’t feel any better getting your way about this and will still resent her. That said, my future ILs haven’t made any demands on our guest list so I can’t really relate, but give it a few months before you start stressing over the guest list. It’s not worth the hair-tearing-out this early on, trust me.

Post # 58
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MissCoffeeBean: No means no – you do NOT have to extend an extra 10 people. If the venue can’t accomodate, the venue can’t accomodate.

If the venue can accomodate and you choose to, you can send her an invoice (Net 15 or net 30) for the 10. If she pays AND her check clears, you are happy to send 10 people invites.

I’m anticipating Future Mother-In-Law invitation issues, and we’re dealing with it by just not sending any invites until we have to, to my in-laws.

 

 

Post # 60
Member
1210 posts
Bumble bee

@MissCoffeeBean:  That is tough – we went through the same thing. My Mother-In-Law is a peach (sarcasm) and she ended up insisting we invite a bunch of her friends on our dime. I threw my one and only bridezilla fit, my poor Fiance got caught in the middle, and we ended up compromising on a significantly smaller number than she originally wanted. If it was my parents, I absolutely would have put my foot down. Fiance is more of a people pleaser than me though 🙂

I also think it makes a difference if your parents are inviting friends or not. I can imagine your Mother-In-Law would have hurt feelings if your parents had friends at the reception and she didnt.

Post # 61
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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@MissCoffeeBean: Hah. It might sound cold, but I look at it like a business project. Helps me keep my cool and maintain boundaries. 

I’m sorry you have to deal with this. What’s happened has happened and she must understand her role in the situation. 

Your Fiance needs to get on board, because his waffling is NOT helping. Sorry, but it isn’t. It just extends the pain and drama. 

No means no, not maybe. 

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