(Closed) FMIL Angry- Demands Invitations For Friends

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 64
Member
1074 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@MissCoffeeBean:  I think if you have already split the invites 50/50 per family you are being more than fair.  If anything, the additional guests should come from your FI’s cut of the 50 invites.  But you shouldn’t be adding more.

Post # 65
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My Future Mother-In-Law did this. Granted it was less than 10 but we still put our foot down. My parents are paying 100%, and FI’s family is already approaching 60% of the guest list. We are trying to keep it small (originally I wanted 80 it’s crept up to 90 now) and friends of FI’s parents that Fiance isn’t close to just don’t make the cut when we have already had to make some tough decisions about people who are closer to us.

ETA: My Fiance, also a pushover. We’re working on it. PM if you need a shoulder to lean on for that… UGHHHHHH MEN

ETA

Post # 66
Member
2560 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  This response is like VERBATIM what is happening for me, too! 

Post # 67
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

Generally you split the guest list and let the parents invite up to their number. So maybe for 100 people brides parents get 30, grooms parents get 30 and the bride and groom get 40. Or something like that.

If they are not paying at all and the issue is only the cost maybe you can ask them to pay. If its $150 per person and there adding 10 people then they only need to come up with $1,500. Thats not a lot in the case of a wedding.

Another option could be to send your invites and if you get 10 declines you can then send them the invites.

Ultimatly he who pays gets an oppinion. So if you dont like the above options, its really your and your parents choice.

Post # 68
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think asking them to pay is a terrible idea.  Bride’s parents will STILL be paying more, but groom’s parents get more guests.  NOPE.  Tell her she gets X invites, that includes all spouses, fiances, etc.  and she should give you list.  Dont try to deal with her, she will view it as a sign of weakness, and be walking all over you for the next 40 years.

Post # 69
Member
2191 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@MissCoffeeBean:  can you say she can invite them if they pay for them because it’s not in your budget otherwise and you really don’t know them? Sorry if you already answered this. 

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