(Closed) FMIL arguement, I need help :(

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
389 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You are not a bridezilla.  She is out of line and your Fiance should stand up to her.

Post # 4
Member
7694 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Wow, I’m speechless!  How terrible.  You are not a bridezilla. I’m sorry. 🙁 It bothers me that he didn’t believe/stand up for you.  Do the both of you agree on what you want for your wedding?  Or does he agree more with his mother??  Who is paying for the wedding?  Had she originally given you a list of who she wanted at the wedding?  Do you think that she was just upset about something different, and took it out on you last night?

Post # 5
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

“He thinks that I am just making up things about his Mom and accused me of trying to make him choose between hos family and me”

Uh, I’d run away from that guy. My Darling Husband loves his mother to death too, but I’m sorry, if I came to him with complaints about her and he accused me of lying, the wedding’d be off. Period. 

 

 

Post # 6
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I’m sorry sweetie! Wedding guest lists aren’t always even, due to families like you just described!

When you calm down a little, talk to your fiance about what was said. Maybe he can help you understand where she was coming from. (Doubt its rational, based on my experiences with my Mother-In-Law.. But it’s worth a shot.)

Depending on your relationship with her, you may want to speak with her directly since your Fiance wasn’t in the room when this happened.

You’re not being bridezilla.. Is your Fiance an only child? She may be stressing about “losing” her son to you and be lashing out for that reason. Even though she probably hasn’t been the #1 woman in his life for a while, your upcoming nuptuals really cement your spot.

Good luck! Keep your chin up.

Post # 7
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I don’t like your Fiance response, that’s just ridic and so is his mom’s attitude.  You are not bridezilla.  I make my Fiance deal with his mom and report back to me about guest list…it’s easier that way.  I give them deadlines. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
489 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think you need to have another talk with Fiance.  Is this really uncharacteristic for his Mom?  Try explaining again how she was upset with the guest list, and see what he says about it.  He should be involved in that part at least.  If you usually get along with her, can you try to forget the other things she said about your wedding?  She was COMPLETELY out of line.  And your Fiance is out of line for not believing you, but people do some crazy things around weddings.  Hopefully she will realize this and apologize.

Post # 10
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

@stressedbride101: WOW! Not okay that your Fiance won’t talk to you about it! You know your relationship better than any of us do, but is this behavior something you put up with from him? Because my foot would be kicking the door shut on his ass about now! You deserve to be heard about this.

Edit to add: You should be doubting HIM about this. Not yourself. In my book he’s being the bridezilla, throwing a tantrum and acting like a brat.

Post # 11
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

@stressedbride101:  I’m sorry you’re going through this; it sounds awful.

I’m wondering whether her response (about the type of wedding and your comments about different backgrounds) is coming from a place of huge insecurity.  I’m not excusing her at all, but perhaps she is concerned that your family and friends will look down on her or she won’t know how to handle herself and she wants to make sure that things are even in terms of numbers so she has support?  

I know that you said your FH doesn’t want to talk about this, but he has to.  For better or worse, his mom has said some hurtful things about both of your choices.  He needs to address it with her.  It is not going to get better; it’s going to get worse.

Here’s what I find upsetting in particular: you are beginning to question yourself.  This woman has put you in the position of questioning your decisions, your FH’s relationship with his family, YOUR relationship with his family, and (I’m reading into some of your comments, so correct me if I’m wrong) the value and legitimacy of the way you were brought up.

This happened to me (not nearly as badly…and I don’t think that my in laws actually knew that they were making me feel bad).  I felt awful that I was registering for fine china (they are against registries of any sort and none of them really saw the point in having really nice china).  There were many comments about things being fancy (not said in a nice way), which hurt because I was going out of my way to try to make people comfortable.  My Darling Husband had my back.  Things are fine now…but I was really questioning the WORTH of my background against theirs (hard working peeps from a very rural area).  

Don’t let her do that to you.  Your FH should always have your back….and you should KNOW that.  He’s got some work to do.

Post # 12
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

You need to stand up for yourself, or you will have to put up with this behavior the rest of your life. Fiance really should be, too.

However..standing up for yousrself doesn’t necessarily mean arguing. It takes two people to argue. If I were in  your position, I think best approach would be to just nod your head…then do what you want.

Post # 13
Member
1303 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Ugh I hate when men automatically do that pansy ass Momma’s boy ish.  They act like it’s their moms who are giving them some nookie.  Oy vey. 

Im sorry you are going through this.

Post # 14
Member
1641 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Are you planning on having kids? Because if you are, you need to work this out w/ Fiance NOW,,,before she tells you how to do that, too. He should be backing you up, and if he is not, I’m afraid you are in for heartache.

Make sure when you talk to him, you stay VERY calm. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
92 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I honestly see your Fiance as a bigger problem than Future Mother-In-Law. YOU are the bride, you must stand your ground. Ultimately, you are going to marry your husband and share your life with him, not you Future Mother-In-Law. Therefore, I think it is very important that you and Fiance are on the same page. You are supposed to be his best friend and he is to rely on you and believe you; how can he think that you are making stuff up? WTF? I strongly suggest that you make things clear to him and reach some type of agreeement. Is it possible that your Future Mother-In-Law knows that her son will not back you up and that’s why she’s so opinionated and feels entitled to treat you this way?

Post # 16
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I really understnad what it’s like to have an opinionated Mother-In-Law.  It never helps talking to your Fiance because they just don’t see the annoying side to their mothers.  My advice would be to keep doing things how you want them done, be friendly to her but try not to let her get to you.  I find it really helps to talk to girlfriends.  Politely tell her if she says something nasty about your BMs, etc that you feel hurt she said that because they mean a lot to you. 

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