Post # 1
We are having a destination wedding in South Carolina (we’re from Toronto), and our budget it pretty tight. The inlaws don’t really have any money to put towards the wedding, so we thought of asking Future Mother-In-Law to be the photographer (she is a photography teacher). And while we do family shots, she can set up the frame and have someone else take the photo (we do this on holidays and family vacations). I mentioned this to a friend, and she thought it would take away some of the enjoyment of the wedding for her, which I thought might be a possibility- but I do know she enjoys photography a lot, and is a control freak (so this gives her something to control lol)
What do you bees think?
Post # 3
@memo: I wouldn’t do it. I had to video a friend’s wedding and I feel like I missed out on the experience. You want her to ba able to relax and enjoy and take in the moment, not worrying about how the lighting is etc. find room in the budget for a photographer, even if it’s just for the ceremony and formal shots.
Post # 4
NOOOOO. She is going to be too busy enjoying the wedding and you won’t get many/any pictures. That’s a great way to start off your marriage with you and the inlaws resenting each other.
Post # 5
Bad idea! Not only will she be too busy at her son’s wedding, but if you have a disagreement or don’t like her pictures it will only cause problems!
Post # 6
No way. She deserves to enjoy the wedding as a guest, not a vendor regardless of whether she is helping you financially. She has no duty to help you with money, but you mention her doing this kind of in lieu of giving you money. I would NOT do this. I can only imagine she would be highly offended, as well.
Post # 8
I wouldn’t do it. My mom used to be a wedding photographer (and is actually starting her business up again!) and when I was little I always thought she would photograph my wedding. Until I went to a few weddings as an adult. Parents of the bride and groom are so involved with what’s going on–it’s their day too! So you either miss out on getting a lot of photos, or your Future Mother-In-Law will miss out on her son’s day.
Post # 9
That would not be fair to her at all. Although maybe you can ask her about using one of her students and having her give them extra credit for it (You will have to fork some money over for it though but I wouldnt imagine that it would be a tremendous amount)
Post # 10
@memo: She will not have time to enjoy the ceremony. I really really wouldn’t. My friend just had an almost-elopement with just immediate family & me and even SHE hired a pro. The original plan was for me to take pics, which I was happy to do, but I’m so glad I didn’t have to. I wouldn’t have been able to get into the ceremony. I would have been the one to run down to get couple pictures, instead of up with the family bonding. It was really sweet to see the moms all happy for the kids together. That moment wouldn’t have happened if one of them had to take pics.
Post # 12
@memo: Girl, please don’t. And I will tell you why.
Mother-In-Law is a photographer and was VERY hurt that we didn’t want her as our photog. She complained, but we told her she needs to be IN the photos. She finally understood and said that she was taking her own then of the ones she wasn’t in. We thought, “Oh crap. Now she is going to interfere with the photog” so we were telling her she needed to let our photog do her job. We would pose for whatever pics she wanted with the time we had left over.
In the end, my Mother-In-Law took no more than 20 pictures on her own, and less than half were actually of us. Can you imagine if she had been my photog? I’d maybe MAYBE if I was lucky had 100 photos. Mother-In-Law was so busy at the wedding; talking to family, getting ready, and dancing. There was also a HUGE fight between her and Father-In-Law where they left for an hour, so she would have missed an hour of what she would have photographed.
Post # 13
@Waitingbee57: we initially thought of hiring one of her students, but we’re leaning towards the destination wedding.
Unless, we could offer to pay for their vacation, but I don’t think Future Mother-In-Law would want to spend her vacation with a student.
We have a friend who does photography as a hobby, so we thought about paying his way aswell and giving him a free vacation for photos. We’re havinga small wedding, only family and wedding party.
Post # 14
@memo: Oh my goodness now I understand a little further. Check out that or even craigslist (I know I know) I am saving on a lot of things by using craigslist. It might not be amazing but honesly I dont have the kind of money some of these people charge for stuff.
Post # 15
Oh I beg you not to. There’s no way anyone can enjoy the wedding as a guest if they have the responsibility of photography, and if something goes wrong or you aren’t happy with the result it’s going to be a really sticky situation for your family and you’re not going to feel like you can voice your concerns or disappointment like you would with a hired photographer who isn’t a close friend or family member. Hire someone and make sure there is a contract no matter what level of skill they have.
Post # 16
@Waitingbee57: ohhhhhhhh craigslist is a good idea! I know, I have looked at other photographers and it’s in the thousands. I just stare and think “NO!”
Also, a thank you to all the bees who replied! I appreciate your opinions, and will probably X the Future Mother-In-Law as photographer 🙂