(Closed) FMIL asked a question, I answered – Pls help feel terrible..

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3285 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I am really confused by this.  I guess the first question I had was where you live?  

Your Fiance seems to be taking it a little too hard/seriously…

Post # 4
Member
2288 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I suggest picking up the phone and calling Future Mother-In-Law. Get this out in the open now. Let her know that you weren’t trying to be condescending and certainly didn’t mean to downplay their involvement and you love them very much. She may not have even taken offense!

Post # 5
Member
3526 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I agree with Mis Helen.

 

Post # 6
Member
6572 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2010

i think it’s fine to do the return address to your parents. you can’t have multiple return addresses, just because more then one parent is paying for things. and you expressed that you’re thankful for what your inlaws are contributing to the wedding, so it’s not like you aren’t showing that you are greatful for them.

Post # 7
Member
7152 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I really don’t see how this could have been taken in a negative way. You made sur eto say that you were thankful to them for helping out. I think that you should address it now and make sure that she even took it this way.

Post # 8
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I’m sorry he’s upset with you!  I don’t understand what he wanted you to do though – make the return address from your own home (what if you still live with your parents?).  Or make half the STD’s from ur parents address and half from his? that’s crazy.  It sounds like his mom is OK with it – so if she was, then he should be too.  I’m sure you just need to give him time to relax and just explain that it was coming from a good place and really this is how most other couples do it.  I’m sure that your guests did not interpret it in the way he is AT ALL which is the most important thing.  Good luck!

Post # 9
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Wait — do you guys live together or do you still live with your parents?

Why would she even ask this? I agree with MissHelen, give her a call & let her know. Maybe call your Fiance 1st so that he’s ok with it. 

Post # 10
Member
1981 posts
Buzzing bee

Um, holy cow, he went kind of overboard. I’d just call her up and tell her make small talk about a wedding detail you want to share with her/question you want to ask, and then add in somewhere “Oh, and I just wanted to say I hope you weren’t offended by the way I worded that email. We couldn’t be more thankful for you and FFIL’s help and appreciate it so much! We should get together for lunch/drinks/whatever the next time you’re in town, too” Or something like that, you know? I think your Fiance was out of line with how he reacted, but perhaps he knows his parents best…

Post # 11
Member
2207 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m not sure what he is upset about. I’m sure the Future In-Laws know they aren’t paying. It was a gracious email, you included them in the thank yous…does he want you to pretend that his parents are paying?

If it really is a big deal to him, I would recommend that you follow that email up with something like, “Oh, this also got me thinking, now I need to turn to working on the formal invites, they take forever! I’m planning on including an insert about the reception and the brunch. Etiquette dictates that I phrase it as an invitation from the hosts, you two, but I want to make sure you feel comfortable with that. I prefer to follow traditional etiquette, but your comfort is much more important to me! Either way, we should keep in touch about how we will phrase things. Thank you again, this means so much to me and Fiance.”

That way you are showing that you are into Ps and Qs, but you haven’t forgotten them.

Post # 12
Member
3575 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m confused as well.  In all honesty, I don’t think you came off offensive at all.  But to settle the air, I would call too…just in case. 

Post # 13
Member
1110 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

I also agree with you calling her and explaining that after reading you didnt mean it to sound the way it did.

 

 

Post # 14
Member
1580 posts
Bumble bee

You shouldn’t feel too bad, because you told her the truth and I don’t think it was mean spirited, but I can see how she might have taken offense. I agree that you should call her to make sure she isn’t upset.

Post # 15
Member
535 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

I think your response was fine! But because your Fiance is concerned about it, maybe you should just give your Future Mother-In-Law a call.

Post # 16
Member
3709 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I don’t see anything wrong with your response. Your wedding events seem to be taken care of financially in the traditional way so why wouldn’t your Save-The-Date Cards follow that same standard? I think your Fiance is over reacting. Just to make sure that no hard feelings fester, I agree that it would be a good idea to just call her up and make sure that she knows that it wasn’t a dig at her….you just wanted to follow traditiona nd etiquette.

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